h a l f b a k e r yWhat was the question again?
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There must be at least 50 ways to leave your lover, according to the popular song.
Here's one they didn't think of, at the time:
Find your partner's deepest, hidden fear and then place your mail order for a set of these little charmers.
Sheets, in single, double, queen or king sizes, printed
with pictures of spiders, snakes, buttons, birds or whatever it is they can't stand.
Build up to the big day they arrive, arrange a romantic dinner, the whole nine yards. Then, spring the surprise! Watch the fear and revulsion rise up within them, all the while extolling their virtues and your sheer enrapturement with them.
Sadly, let your lover go, to the rest of his or her boring, pathetic, little life.
If you just happen to like spiders we will still sell you a set of sheets.
Or you could always use the bugs as bed stuffing...
http://www.halfbake...gs_20Mattress_20Set
self-promotion of the closest thing I came to a benfrost idea. [RayfordSteele, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
(??) Spider Bedlinens
http://www.pyjamaho...sign&p=35-large.jpg
[thumbwax, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
(?) Coral Reef
http://www.ipaustra...gns/_img/120955.jpe
Over Done [thumbwax, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
[link]
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If a gift of spider-themed sheets has caused your lover to flee in revulsion, he or she was probably already pretty close to being revolted. |
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How many guys do you know who get a woman to the bedroom and then dump her? |
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Buy spider sheets, Pete
Or maybe some snakes, Jake
So she’ll scream and flee, Lee
And get yourself free |
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Tucker Max does! I know of 5 more that also do ... but they're not half as cool. |
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says more about you - sorry. |
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Notice, k, that Zanzibar didn’t mention anything about getting his “lover” into his bedroom, or even into his apartment. Judging from his description, the sheets could be presented at the bus stop, in an elevator, a dark alley, or any other convenient location. |
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Don't tell [blissmiss] about these, OK? |
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"Fun" spiders on the left. As for birds, I sold a few sets of a pattern called "Sanctuary" when I worked for the U.S. branch of Sheridan (Bedlinens) of Australia - if you have a Deathly Fear of Doves - this pattern would have done you in. Jenny Kee had a toucan or two on some of her jungle-flavo(u)red designs, while Ken Done had kitschy fish in ever-so-bold primary colors. |
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"Build up to the big day they arrive, arrange a romantic dinner, the whole nine yards. Then, spring the surprise!"
Ah, yes. what great sport this would be. |
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I've got this terrible vision of large, hairy arachnids, with dripping fangs and sixteen beady eyes. {{{{{shiver}}}}} |
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What is wrong with telling them the truth? That you don't want to date them any more, and ask them politely to never call you again? I'm just kidding, but have a little more tact. |
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I think my Fear Factor TV Dinners would be a great choice for dinner. Don't you think? |
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I'd forgotten about these little nasties. |
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There are people who can't stand buttons? |
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Whenever I need to break up with a girlfriend, I do something so horrible that makes them break up with me....I swollow my pride, get what I want and eliminate the guilt factor....but [+] however |
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//I've got this terrible vision of large, hairy arachnids,
with dripping fangs and sixteen beady eyes.// |
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What's so terrible about that? |
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//How many guys do you know who get a woman to the bedroom and then dump her?// |
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I knew about 300 such guys. They were called sailors. |
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