Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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A-1 Bum Rental

Specializing in movie theater clearance
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It happens every friday. That surefire-blockbuster-megahit you've been waiting to see for months has finally hit theaters, and you want first dibs. Unfortunately, so did everyone else in the area and they had faster cars.

That's where A-1 Bum Rental comes in.

For 89 cents in spare change, down-on-his-luck Walter "Stabbin' Hobo" Jones will sleep in line at the theater, thereby reserving your spot for tickets. For the price of an additional ticket and possibly some gin, he will also sit in whatever seat you choose, simultaneously reeking of urine and fending off those annoying "I can't sit and watch a movie because I'd rather talk loudly about my predictions of what will happen in the plotline" people.
AfroAssault, Jul 22 2002

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       Actually I didn't intend it as a rant...but I guess it appears as one. I was just thinking about bums because of bumfights.com.
AfroAssault, Jul 22 2002
  

       //those annoying "I can't sit and watch a movie because I'd rather talk loudly about my predictions of what will happen in the plotline" people// or use one of these. they come more expensive though.
po, Jul 22 2002
  

       How much liquor do you gotta buy him to piss on the guy talking on his cell phone?   

       Bliss: Howard Stern promotes Bumfights.com...
Mr Burns, Jul 22 2002
  

       Bums drinking gin? How rarified. Does Mister Jones wear spats and a top hat too?
calum, Jul 22 2002
  

       Blissmiss if bumfights.com is what I think it is it is homeless people being paid money to hit each other senseless.....
The_Englishman_Abroad, Jul 22 2002
  

       Baked. I do this. And yes Calum, I wear spats, a trilby and the flex from a kettle to hold up my slacks. And my price is 25 cents/15p/25Euro.
Jinbish, Jul 22 2002
  

       A-1 Bum Rentals customers would be required to sign a disclaimer before enlisting the services of former chief executive of WorldCom, Bernie Ebbers
Fink, Jul 22 2002
  

       Slip your bum a skateboard and you've got VaVaVoom Vagrants-- doing the dirty work for mere pocket pence!
watermelancholy, Jul 22 2002
  

       Don't forget the Lysol
thumbwax, Jul 23 2002
  

       You'll find this baked in just about any situation where distribution is on a first-come-first-serve basis rather than simply supply-and-demand, since the relative values of time and money are dependent on the amounts you currently possess. For instance, my professors used to hire students to sit in line for Shakespeare in the Park tickets.
bookworm, Jul 23 2002
  

       This system used to used in Russia were queues were quite common for most things but the queuers were professionals rather than bums.   

       However using homeless people makes this idea original enough in my book. Prehaps the service could be called "The Big Queue" ...
Aristotle, Jul 23 2002
  

       Jinbish, why are you so expensive in Europe? I'm sure there are EU competition laws that could crack you. perhaps you meant 25 (euro) cents?
sappho, Jul 23 2002
  

       Aristotle: I don't see why the queue would be any bigger than normal. hence, the "big-ish queue" (groan)
yamahito, Jul 23 2002
  

       Damn [sappho] you beat me to an exploration of arbitrage opportunities in [Jinbish]'s bum tarrif.
hippo, Jul 23 2002
  

       For Disney-esque theme parks, good this would be. Especially if I could dress him up like a pirate. Stubble beard included at no charge.
polartomato, Jul 25 2002
  

       [sappho] - I'm so expensive in Europe because of a language barrier. While being fluent in English and its expletives, I (ashamedly) speak very little French and know nothing of other european languages.   

       Either that or I really wasn't thinking and missed out a decimal point - what you expect from a self proclaimed hobo?
Jinbish, Jul 25 2002
  

       Why would any proper Englishwoman rent out her 'Bum'? When asked why and when she chose to be a 'Strumppet', The woman replyed; "Why, I was lounging around one day and it suddenly occured to me that I was sitting on a fortune"
bluto, May 27 2003
  
      
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