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Take a million cute, fluffy, baby ducks and hypnotise them whilst subjecting them to violent images and concepts.
Let them loose in a crowded place so they can do their worst. No-one will expect it.
Slough
http://www-cdr.stan...tuition/Slough.html
Written in 1937 ..... prescient in the extreme. [8th of 7, Aug 24 2009]
I shot some ducks yesterday
http://www.flickr.c...tindale/3850234080/
[Ian Tindale, Aug 24 2009]
Evil swans
http://www.youtube....XNo&feature=related
First in a series of three [UnaBubba, Aug 24 2009]
Duckzilla
http://www.bofunk.c...er_hating_duck.html
We love you Giant Water Hating Duck! [wagster, Aug 25 2009]
Devil Ducks
http://store.twiste...c=21707&i=110624496
[DrBob, Aug 26 2009]
The Parallax View
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0071970/
Ideal training material. [DrBob, Aug 26 2009]
This looks like a job for...
1_2c000_2c001_20Dalmatians
[jaksplat, Aug 27 2009]
[link]
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Death of a thousand gentle taps... |
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//No-one will expect it.// |
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the noise itself would drive anyone quite mad! |
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-1 for being nasty to fluffy ducks. |
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Evil ducks. Excellent. [+] |
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(never did trust them, with their funny little beady eyes, staring, always staring, glinting in the darkness, little eyes, always watching, watching, waiting, in the darkness, little eyes glinting .......] |
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They'd be too small individually, and too disorganised in number to put up any great resistance - even in a confined space (such as one of the CIA lifts at Langley for example) those most at risk would be people unfortunate enough to have duck and/or feather-based allergies. |
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Having said that, there may be a suffocation risk - I wonder exactly how many ducklings could you get in a lift (assuming you tip them in from the top, rather than trying to get them in through the doors) |
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<suspiciously> How do you know about the size of the lifts at Langley, and what is the CIA doing in Slough [zen_tom]?</s> |
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// what is the CIA doing in Slough // |
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What every other sentient life form does in Slough; desperately trying to find a way to get out of the place..... |
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I used to get off one stop prior to Langley (Slough being one more stop from there) on my train home when I lived "Out West". I remember some lads got on once at Southall and blatantly smoked the most enormous, potent and smoke-ban defying spliff I have ever passively encountered, much to the initial chagrin, polite amusement, and eventual engigglement of the other passengers. |
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[8th of 7] - yes, 1937. It always amazes me that Betjeman would have been content with merely conventional explosives. |
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(I worked for a while in Slough - one of my colleagues described it as "fifteen places to buy a mobile phone, nowhere to buy a book") |
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// content with merely conventional explosives // |
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In 1937, he would have no choice but to be content with RDX; at that time, nuclear fission weapons were a mere twinkle in Leo Szilard's eye ...... |
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Quick! Somebody call the local country club and get the golfers
here now! Tell them there's no need to bring balls, we've got
targets aplenty. |
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A bit of the old ultra violence. Sounds like a canard to me. |
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//Somebody call the local country club...// |
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Perhaps you should google 'golf'. Shooting birdies isn't what you think it is. |
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Evil little ducks grow up to be evil BIG ducks, don'cha know? |
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I can't help but notice that the bit of blurb before the poem rather optimistically describes Slough as being "much improved nowadays"..... |
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[+] by the way, regardless of the duckling cruelty this idea entails, it'd still be the greatest spectacle ever. |
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No cruelty to ducks involved. They're just hypnotised and desensitised. Like tha AAMI swans [link]. |
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I've got to get me a flock of trained, malicious swans. |
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Nah! Canadian geese are downright nasty when provoked,
though. Especially French Canadian geese... those are some rude
birds. |
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Don't get me started on the damn geese, [21].
As for the duckies...the CUTE LITTLE DUCKIES. Is
nothing sacred??? (don't let Cheney get his hands on
em. They might just take their evil too far...) Ehm. |
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Those swans are the most evil, vicious creatures that the duck-god ever shovelled guts into... they chase you and snap at your privates and, and, and... |
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While it is not proven that a swan can break a man's arm with a blow of its wing, it is definitely proven that a stab from a swan's beak can open a human's knuckles right down to the bone....... |
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The blood was everywhere..... |
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// French Canadian geese // |
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Well, yes, there's your "double whammy" straight off .... |
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//They'd be too small individually, and too disorganised// |
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Some rethinking needs to be done with the training. Maybe always feed them from an area that looks just like a KFC. |
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Just release... Duckzilla! (link) |
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not just "Duckzilla", but... |
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It's not cruel to the ducks. They were bred for this, so it's all they know. |
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you could have said that about little boys sent up chimneys. |
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What? That sending little boys up chimneys isn't cruel to ducks? |
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depends if they were nesting in them at the time. |
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[po], what the hell are you talking about? What little
boys are up your chimney? Is that where you keep
them now? |
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Why would you have little boys nesting in your chimney? What sorta weirdo... ? |
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o.k. bob threw me off course but of course you understand that little dickensian boys were bred to be sent up chimneys, down mines & in factories - they knew no better, so expected nothing more. |
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I was originally thinking about the slave trade... |
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I don't think you'd make a very good slave... or a particularly good slave trader, [po]. |
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yes, very good! [applause] |
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//bob threw me off course //
My work here is done! |
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In that case, we will offer you as job. Ever wanted to visit the planet Vulcan ? |
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Or perhaps clean [po]'s chimney? |
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Can ducklings get rabies? If so, no hypnotism would
be necessary. |
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(googles) Yep, seems like any warm blooded animal
can get rabies. There's nothing quite like a death by
a million rabid ducklings. |
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//I don't think you'd make a very good slave...// |
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I dunno... fit her with a properly spiked shock collar and i think she'd do pretty well for an aspiring slaver. She's got spirit. And apparently needs her chimney cleaned. Who knows, somebody might like that sort of thing. |
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A million is a very big number. |
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That's why I picked it. It's difficult to viualise a million of anything, but it's also a number most people think they understand. |
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