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carpe demi
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This device allows bodybuilders and other chunky, mesomorphic sportspeople to cheat in complete safety.
It looks like a normal bodybuilder's spinal-support belt. And yet it is positioned just slightly higher up on the trunk. As it is tightened, it presses firmly on the adrenal glands (see diagram
link if you don't know where these are). Such pressure, as some doctors may argue, stimulates increased production of the natural steroids norepinephrine and epinephrine in the medullae within the glands. As any schoolchild will tell you, these catecholamines have some essential effects on the target organs. Their surfeit will increase certain body functions and could be beneficial to a sportschap, notably inducing an increase in his metabolic rate and lifting the concentration of glucose in his blood. Run, Forrest!
Steroids aren't illegal in sport - not if they're your own and they've gone nuts just cos of a tight belt. If every aspiring athlete had "a steroid belt", there would be no need to buy expensive boiled-up horse gonad and get banned every few months. And face a lifetime of pride-shame-pride-shame-pride-shame...
Fish me.
Actually, having read this back, I think it might work. Hold the fish. Is there a doctor in the house?
Glands positioned here:
http://www.rch.org....dex.cfm?doc_id=1381
[Ra, Dec 21 2005]
Proof of sorts.
http://www.geocitie...ferencesAunit2.html
Read down to neuroblastomas. This indicates that physical pressure placed on these glands (in this case by a tumour) does, indeed, cause them to overproduce. Bun? [Ra, Dec 21 2005]
[link]
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Gah, I hoped think link would tell me more about //Such pressure, some doctors may argue, stimulates increased production of the natural steroids// |
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Withholding bun until you give me a link. :) |
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EDIT: Bun given. Though they my already do this secretly.... heh heh heh. |
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Bun gratefully accepted. In fact, I quite fancy giving myself one as well. It started as a lone pun, and now my head hurts a bit and it's past bedtime on a school night. |
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That guy from the link looks pretty self-assured for a naked man with his internal ogans going external. |
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A steroid belt should be made of long strips of beef jerky, then it would be meaty alright. |
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//As any schoolchild will tell you, these catecholamines have some essential effects on the target organs.// |
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I'll confess I'm still in a UK secondary school, but I have no-idea about that. |
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This would have to be a homebrew-type of invention, seeing as its not legal an' all... |
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This is of little use to bodybuilders, but would instead benefit endurance athletes, assuming it works. //these catecholamines have some essential effects on the target organs// Heart and lungs. //Their surfeit will increase certain body functions// Air exchange. |
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People who train for endurance develop a remarkably enhanced capacity to generate these hormones naturally (erm, norepinephrine and epinephrine are hormones, btw). The medulla can develop to such an extent that its expansion is thought of as an additional organ, sometimes called the "sports adrenal medulla". |
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Hmmm, interesting. You a doctor or a googler, Shz? This is going to sound like HB bullshit, but since posting this, I've discovered that my sister is an endocrinologist and knows loads about the subject. I knew she was a doctor, but never thought to ask which bits she doctored. |
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Over Christmas dinner, she gave me a load of feedback on this product. I won't bore you all with it - and I wasn't really listening properly anyway. However, she ended with something pompous along the lines of "this sounds like the sort of daft pie-in-the-sky thing that could sell quite well and give stupid people something to play with", comparing it to other pseudo-scientific sports gadgets she's seen on the shopping channel. |
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<Imagines a weightlifter having a massive panic attack, as his overproduction of adrenaline kicks in> |
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//You a doctor or a googler, Shz?// |
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In this case I'm just an athlete, but as with most things I do, I must know how it works. I read all my sister's books when she did her masters in exercise physiology. I keep up with the latest in the science journals and peruse the pseudo-science publications as well. So, no formal education on the subject, but very well read. It's a hobby, really. |
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I want to bone this for getting the real science / target demographic wrong, and bun it for being patentable and pseudo-science marketable. Neutral vote. Now go make some money on it. |
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Can't say fairer than that, I suppose [Shz]. |
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Back to the expert, sis says she'll correct the //wrong science and demographic// and steer this invention back on course, but I think it has gone on long enough. |
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