h a l f b a k e r y
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Cross referenceable to a bogonometer. |
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Do you mean the Bogometer? |
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Such devices are indeed handy to quantify and measure drivel - but the real breakthrough is in prevention. What one needs is some sort of vocal gate that limits the flow of Superfluons via elctro static muscle stimulation. |
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The presence of radiating Cliche Rays that bind the Superfluons to the attracted no-matter Banaliums were only recently discovered during a late night news broadcast on the subject of domestic concrete reserves. |
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Who knows? Maybe some day with the right distribution of reseacrh funding we may further unlock the dull mysteries that have spawned rolling tumbleweeds throughout recorded history. |
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Absolute drivel, or -273 on the drivel scale, is the point at which all thought molecules cease motion. When the thought molecules just can't move any slower, then you know you've reached absolute drivel. |
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But what about half drivel? That's more what this site's about... |
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So, it's not quite like the Kelvin scale, where AZ = -273.15 degC ? |
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I like the idea of a Boganometer, to measure whether the guy in the flannel shirt, black jeans, beanie and sheepskin boots is really a Bogan, or just pretending. |
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The drivel scale is on the metric system, so 100 is the fomenting point of ideas, and -273 is absolute drivel. Absolute zero is zero degrees kelvin, not -273. |
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If it's a scale then some new,
comparative words are needed to
express the idea that some things can
be more drivelly, or drivellier, than
other things. Obviously, AD is the
drivelliest thing there is. |
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Maybe the level of AD could be measured by checking the status of the sufferer.
100 dBAD: losing the will to live
50 dBAD: coma
20 dBAD: glazed eyes.
0 dBAD extreme excitement.
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Where on the scale is the concept of absolute drivel itself? |
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I'm not convinced, I must say. I don't believe that there is an 'absolute' level for drivel.
Even when you think that you've reached the nadir in human communication, there's always somebody who can talk/write/think even more bollocks than the last person.
I guess that what I am really saying is that the term 'Absolute Drivel' is merely a rhetorical device and is, itself, drivel. |
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Rather than a scale, I propose a percentile measure of drivel: Gibber. This would mean that an item of communication that made perfect irrefutable sense would be 0% and -273 on the "Absolute Drivel" scale would correspond to 100%, pure Gibberish. |
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(I predict that, as [DrBob] hints to, the Gibberish will act like the 'proof' measure of alcohol and the some datum may actually be 120% over- Gibberish or higher) |
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Established by international agreement, the Tindale Scale is the metric system’s newest addition. While many other measures (e.g., hogwash, horseshit, baloney,) have been used, degrees Tindale provide the first universally recognized scale against which all human communications may be measured. Zero degrees Tindale has arbitrary been taken as a statement made by the American President George W. Bush. Making no sense whatsoever, this has been engraved into a block of platinum-iridium alloy and placed in a hermitically sealed case at the Bureau of Standards at Paris. |
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I find the most difficult distinction is not
the drivel content, but the variety of
drivel itself. Subcategories of drivel
include nonsense, bunkum (and sub-
subcategory bunk), technobabble,
psychobabble, balderdash, hooey,
rubbish, rot, crap, shit (including bull
and chicken), rigamarole, equivocation,
mumbo-jumbo and economic
predictions. How does one scientifically
diffrentiate (note: some varieties, like
technobabble, can be identified with
relative ease.)? I find that while
measuring drivel levels relative to
absolute drivel can be somewhat useful,
it's important to measure the more
lateral energy levels, especially the
frequencies of Drivel Wavelengths
(D.Q.s) instead of just the amplitude. If
only it were easier to quantify. |
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factor in the temperature of the air, ranging from blue to hot, would that aid in quantification? or intensity? |
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[schematics] - there is an analogy to this - sound. There are many different types of sound, but only one measure of volume. However, it's possible to measure an effective volume by assigning certain factors to different frequencies. |
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Another analogy is in radiation dosimetry - there are different weighting factors for high energy gamma, low energy gamma, beta, alpha, fast neutrons, thermal neutrons, etc. |
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DRIVEL:
intransitive senses
1 : to let saliva dribble from the mouth : SLAVER
2 : to talk stupidly and carelessly
transitive senses
1 : to utter in an infantile or imbecilic way
2 : to waste or fritter in a childish fashion |
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Seems the definitions of the word drivel are varied enough to create some difficulties in properly containing the idea in terms of absolute measurement. Whereas we could definitely measure the amount of saliva or "slather" coming from a driveler, it would be less easy, for instance, to measure the stupidity or carelessness of a phrase containing several words which, when used in a different context, would not be drivel. Take any word... I'll use "careless" as an example. If someone were to use the word "careless" in a careless manner it would be considered drivel. But if care was taken in the careful use of the word "careless," driviality would be greatly reduced. |
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Also, drivel is in the ear of the behearer, in my opinion. For instance, when I hear a man prattle on about the insignificant details of his uninteresting day, the drivel rating is high. But if this same man has nice eyes and is blushing slightly while he talks to me, I am more likely to be interested in what he's saying. I think drivel is a matter of opinion, therefore, and thus is unpinnable downable.
<checks AD rating on own comment and then goes back to boring desk job> |
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This is true. Drivel is the inverse product of information content and sexual attractiveness. |
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Oh, and I voted "for" this idea. |
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I would, but it's Absolute Drivel. |
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The meter needs recalibrating. It seems to keep swinging into the red portion above '0' and pinning against the limit, lately. |
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What is the triple point of drivel? |
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I smashed my hand on the keyboard and this is what was returned: |
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I propose that as the international standard. |
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I propose "72v-058uy25" as the new standard. |
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