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Age Readjustment
Like a name change, apply to have one's age officially changed by the government. | |
As it happens, some people find it necessary at one point or another in their lives to head on down to their local government bureau and change the name that they had been given at birth. The reasons are numerous including religion, fear, disgrace, and even vanity.
It seems probable that if government
allows something as significant to the person as 'name' to be changed, then certainly there should also be such thing as Age Readjustment. This process would have applicants that would like to have their age adjusted, to request their new age, and to make a case as to why the adjustment should be approved.
Like a name change, there are also numerous justifications for Age Readjustment. Not the least of which being that solar age is basically irrelevant, others include: having been wrongfully imprisoned and thus having ones' years stolen; being wise beyond one's years; are a minor and have proven worthy of the vices of smoke, drink and suffrage; are of the majority and have proven unworthy of the vices of smoke, drink and suffrage; are aged but want to die a young rockstar's death; are a young rockstar and want to die aged. The reasons for age readjustment are numerous. Each will be judged respectively on their merits.
Once a person's age has been readjusted, they are legally entitled to state their new age for any official purposes. Exceptions come during census and legal hearings when the age adjusted person is obligated to answer 'yes' to the question: "Have you ever undergone an Age Readjustment?"
Annotation:
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I like this. There are many benefits which change depending upon your age. For example; state pensions don't pay out until you're almost in the grave - having qualified for a state pension, you could adjust your age to 65 and then enjoy the good life whilst biologically young enough to do so. |
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Another important use would be for 'young persons' savers and the like. If you had young children you could adjust your age to about 10, and then all of you would qualify for those really cheap child tickets to events and on transport. |
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Finally; it would put the boot into ageism entirely. "Applicants must be over 21" would become unworkable. |
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This already happens - bot for non-'vanity' reasons - if your birth was incorrectly recorded you may have been given a wrong date of birth, or if you were born abroad and only know the year of your birth, many organisations will give you a Jan 1st birthday. In these cases, when you have better information about your birth there are fairly routine processes to go through to get records changed and, if necessary, get issued with a new birth certificate. |
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It is the finding of this Divorce Court that you have failed to be a good husband and are obviously incapable of understanding the meaning and commitment of marriage; your divorce is granted and your age changed to 14 to stop you getting in this mess again so fast.
-- Judge, Nov 06 2007 |
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Reckless driving again Sir? Well; we'll ban you from driving for a year... by changing your age to 16.
-- Magistrate, Nov 06 2007 |
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Dear Mr. Smith, having reviewed your application for the basic state pension we have noticed that you have not contributed very much in tax during your lifetime through intermittent work as a casual labourer. For that reason, we will reduce your age from 65 to 45 so that by the time you qualify for the pension you'll have contributed enough for it to be worth our while.
-- Dept. of Social Services, Nov 06 2007 |
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My mom has 2 birthdays. Her uncle was drunk when the government asked for her b-day, and he gave them a wrong one. They're both in the same month and year, so it doesn't impact her that much. But my cousin, who I will call D for privacy reasons, legally lost 1 or 2 years. Originally called "R" (again, changed for privacy reasons), his parents changed his identity when he was 1 or 2. They passed him off as a newborn with a different birthday, said R died and did the change to get him over the border. Actually, that's why he does so well at school. He is older than his peers, even though he doesn't know it. In fact, D doesn't know any of this. Hopefully, he won't see this, as we have decided to keep this information away from him. |
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