h a l f b a k e r yAssume a hemispherical cow.
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I don't know anyone who really enjoys being kissed by musty old spinster aunts. You know, the ones who've been kissing you all of your life and you're afraid might slip the tongue in if you're not really careful?
Anti-Aunty Mabel Creme is an odourless cosmetic potion that tastes so terribly bad that
the kisser of the kisser will be horribly puckered after the event, much like the kisser of Yasser Arafat used to be.
Apply sparingly, upon the spot where the offending kisser usually sticks its withered, cat's bum lips.
[link]
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Did you know cats can read with their bums? |
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That explains a lot, [bliss]. All that time I thought they were coffee rings :( You're telling me the cat left them there? |
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Was I talking?
Anyway, did anyone else see the story about dogs being able to "smell" cancer from the breath of humans? Fascinating. |
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Y'see! That's what I love about this place. Another day stretches out before me full of boring shite and I open the HB and this is the first thing I see and already my screen is speckled with coffee spray. Magic. |
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I used to glue Blue Bottle flies to my chin using a paste made of creamy white eggs. |
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"Aunt Mabel! Not on the lips!" |
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"But that's the only place where it doesn't taste so bad." |
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//dogs being able to "smell" cancer from the breath of humans// |
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We used to reckon we could tell that my uncle had bowel cancer... or a rat had crawled up his arse and died. |
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Dunno. He died of a heart attack, on Xmas Day 1991. Never did find out... |
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//maybe a pre-emptive strike on this front could cure the problem for good?\\ |
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Well, it works for/against dogs. I hate when they lick me and breath all over me. So I go HEHEHEHEHEHE with my tongue hanging out right in their face. The dog is startled to say the least and doesn't bother me again. |
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Do you have to sniff its butt, too? |
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If I feel so inclined, yes. |
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Do they make one for officers? 'Cause my commander keeps breathing down my neck, and vice-versa do they make that works in reverse for young women? |
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Of course they don't have one that attracts young women! Eeeewww, why would I want another woman kissing me? Especially an attractive, virile, lithe, sensuous... Oops! |
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Name altered, to incorporate [thumb]'s excellent suggestion. |
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Inside every scary, apple core faced aunty there to kiss you, there's an attractive, virile, lithe, sensuous... Oops! |
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Yeah... that tongue tastes horrible, doesn't it? |
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Dude, that's just sick, both of you last two. (as I suppress a shudder) |
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Relative humidity: The perspiration that beads on your aunts mustache as she plants one on you. |
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That's not the version I know, [2fries]. |
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Heavily edited for content. |
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