Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Assembly Line Church

For more efficient partaking of the Holy Spirit
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Churches gotta evolve with the times.

This one is open 24/7 and entirely automatic. You get on a moving conveyor belt and will be carried along, past loudspeakers blasting out hymns, chants and scriptures. Along the way, at the appropriate time, a robotic arm shoves some edible paper into what the computer computes to be your mouth and another dribbles some weakly fermented grape juice on your face.

A microphone gets thrust in your face and then you can confess your sins. Your voice gets analysed for pitch and a higher emotional level, if recognized, will require a correspondingly larger number of penances to be undertaken - this will get displayed on a large backlit LCD screen.

At the end, you drop your offerings in a slot and get off to the tune of the musical rendering of the benediction.

neelandan, Dec 03 2008

The inspiration Conveyor_20Belt_20Church
That idea has the (human) priests on a conveyor belt. [neelandan, Dec 04 2008]

Acción Mutante http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106215/
In the first half of the film a wedding is conducted by Robo-Priests in assembly-line fashion. Also features Robo-Security Guards. No conveyor belt though, sadly. [DrBob, Dec 05 2008]

[link]






       Erm, I like the robot sacraments, but other than the robo-bishop, isn't this kind of almost exactly the same as another recent (conveyor belt based) idea?   

       The automation does seem a bit harsher in this take - Could we try padding the robotic arms with something a little softer - I prefer my religion a bit more comfy thanks.
zen_tom, Dec 03 2008
  

       This was inspired by that <link>. However, this is for the solitary churchgoer who wants church at the odd hour and day, and cringes at the thought of mingling with fellow humans, yet wants some religion.
neelandan, Dec 04 2008
  

       Aha! A coin operated religiomat, you could open one up next to the launderette.
zen_tom, Dec 04 2008
  

       With a baptism dunk-tank, like they have for applying primer on car-production lines [+]
coprocephalous, Dec 05 2008
  

       Sounds like a design proposal for VaticanDisney ...
8th of 7, Dec 05 2008
  
      
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