h a l f b a k e r yI didn't say you were on to something, I said you were on something.
add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, best, random
news, help, about, links, report a problem
browse anonymously,
or get an account
and write.
register,
|
|
|
Given that we don't seem to be able to stop Japanese whaling fleets from slaughtering increasing numbers of these gentle, intelligent cousins of ours, it may be that we need to appeal to something other than decency to preserve whale species.
Simple: Capture them, and paint achingly beautiful Japanese
art on the skin of each whale, tattooing them if possible.
Given the Japanese reverence for beautiful art it should be possible to prevent whale deaths for "research".
Now, how do we appeal to the Norwegians and Icelanders?
Marine Boy
http://www.absoluteanime.com/marine_boy/
[DrBob, Jun 01 2005]
On the note of arming animals...
http://uncyclopedia...9/9b/Dinofuture.JPG
reminds me of this picture [finrod, Jun 03 2005]
[link]
|
| |
Wouldn't they just covet the leather? |
|
| |
That beautiful whale skin would look good on the local Sushi bar's wall. |
|
| |
Oh, the slings and arrows of cynicism sting so! |
|
| |
Now, see, if the Japanese hadn't been researching whales, you wouldn't know how to capture them. Would you, now? |
|
| |
Wouldn't it be easier on the whales to just commission some achingly beautiful Japanese art featuring whales, and distribute the paintings around Japan? |
|
| |
We teach the Norweigans and Icelanders to hunt Japanese. That way no-one has time for whale-hunting. |
|
| |
Now we're getting somewhere, [ht]. I like it. |
|
| |
Tattooing whales could be a bad idea if
they learn to like their tattoos. "Hey,
Blubba, look - there's a Japanese ship
over there with what looks like an
enormous needle mounted on the front
of it. I'm gonna swim over get me one
of those cool tattoos." |
|
| |
A potential spin-off idea: A Trojan Whale, full of Greenpeace activists. |
|
| |
People eat whale sushi? Wouldn't bullfrog meat be healthier? |
|
| |
I suggest inflatable faux whales, filled with your choice of noxious odorant. |
|
| |
Haha, I'm with Hidden truths .. |
|
| |
[quote]We teach the Norweigans and Icelanders to hunt Japanese. That way no-one has time for whale-hunting.[/quote] |
|
| |
Alternatively Pa`ve has a good idea. Give the whales their own arsenal, send them after the japanese whale-hunters. Personally, I don't think harpoons would stand up to fin-mounted gatling guns. Very far-fetched, but most pleasing to an animal-lover with an avid imagination. |
|
| |
Perhaps we could splice narwhal genes into great blue whales or something...give them their own harpoons. |
|
| |
How 'bout Sharks with Friggin Laser Beams on They Heads? |
|
| |
I think the smart move is just to
sequence the whale genome (well, a few
of each, to get the polymorphisms) and
store it away somewhere for a few
millenia.
If we become more
civilised in the next thousand years or
so and decide that we really do want
wales, then we should bring 'em back.
But for the time being, it's sort of an
uphill struggle. |
|
| |
Of course you're related, [murdoch]. You *are* a mammal... aren't you? |
|
| |
And what if Murdoch isn't a mammal?
Is being a mammal a requirement to
post here all of a sudden? |
|
| |
//If we become more civilised in the next thousand years or so and decide that we really do want wales// Bora da! |
|
| |
*rolling on the laughing floor* |
|
| |
Some people think they're fish, did you know? |
|
| |
Following up from this concept idea, cue...
"Whale-tat Harpoon Device":
------------------------
Much like a giant, 10ft tall plunger this device is designed to etch artistic tattoos onto the backs of hunted cetaceans 'on the fly'. The porpoise of which is to deter the stereotypically art-loving Japanese whalehunting butchers from slaughtering them and to ally them with the stereotypically tattoo-ed Maoris (whom they will enlist to aide them against the Scandinavian whalehunters).
The "Tattoon", as this device will come to be known, is fired by a gas-propelled canister from the hull of ship. It will be much like the aforementioned plunger except that a large needle protrudes from the centre of the flange. This needle is mobile and attached to a piston-like system that feeds the necessary ink from the Tattoon-ship through a hollow tether. |
|
| |
Unfortunately, there are reports that a group of renegade Tattoonists are using a protoytype device to place 'bullseye' images on hapless sperm whales... |
|
| |
Apparently it's an acquired taste. |
|
| |
Or you could artfully arrange barnacles on the whale's skin, maybe with a nice Zen garden and some bonzais. |
|
| |
Why not employ giant squid tattoo artists. They clasp, they ink, they sunder. |
|
| |
sp: bonsai and it is plural as is. |
|
| |
Wow, just had a great idea for cetacean reactive armour/blubber. |
|
| |
The barnacle thing is a good idea. Raked patterns of barnacles, depicting the garden at Ryoan-Ji. |
|
| |
I wonder if you could publish studies naming whale populations languages and name them according to their geographic human counterparts, If This would affect the human ego enough to give pause? |
|
| |
Would the Japanese continue hunting "Area Nippon Linguistic Whales"? |
|
| |
My earlier suggestion was that we approach this problem the good old American way--through arty advertising featuring whales. Now let's try the new American way. |
|
| |
Designate the whales as artists--a complete lack of talent or ability should ensure their success. They can already be considered singers, but we should be able to get something visual from them to impress the Japanese. I suggest photographs of the "spouts", 3D models of water turbulence and vortices, tracings of migration routes, and VR renderings of mating moves. We might be able to get skin prints (the reverse of the idea above). Somewhere there is an elephant who paints abstracts with her trunk--figure out a way to get paintings from the whales and pretend they are great art. |
|
| |
I really don't think that last one will work, but I visualized dropping the elephant into the ocean to teach the whales . . .. |
|
| |