Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Barman For Life

Why bother queuing in a pub on a busy Saturday night?
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We've all been there. You're with your mates and you've all finished your drinks. It's your turn to "get the round in". You look over in the bar direction and see nothing but a throng of people clutching cash with an expectant look in their eyes. It'll be a good half-hour before anything wet touches your lips.

Why worry when you can have a Barman For Life? Simply employ someone/kidnap someone and strap him/her to your back. Fit him/her with a backpack that contains an assortment of drinks that you and your friends like to drink, plus a few glasses. Or beakers. Et voila, your own barman.

This idea can be improved with the addition of a series of flexible tubes, through which your BFL can feed the chosen drink straight into your mouth, thus saving you any effort at all. Probably.

Holygoof, Dec 22 2003

http://www.kingdomofloathing.com/ To build a Bartender-In-The-Box, combine a a Smart Skull, Disembodied Brain, Beer Goggles, Nothing-In-The-Box, and a Coctailcrafting Kit. [jutta, Jan 07 2005]

[link]






       i've never understood why more bars don't offer a table drinks service. Nearly all have staff to go collect the empty glasses from tables so collecting an order at the same time would not be any extra hassle - in fact, it'd be more cost effective as they would be active on the route to and from the bar.   

       It would be more cost effective : you could serve more customers, no queueing for the customer and more cost effective. The tricky bit would be in balancing the right number of staff.   

       anyhoos.. back to the idea. lovely in theory.
jonthegeologist, Dec 22 2003
  

       Table service is an absolute nightmare. You can't serve more customers because the usual at-bar single oracle of round-ordering becomes a multiheaded indecision monster, umming and aaahing and arguing and calling out over each other --> wasting the waitron's time and making them ever surlier. It's not more cost effective because there is now the obligation to tip (unless in North America where you must tip *everything*) and you'd need more staff to acheive the same level of drinks throughput. Finally, if everybody is sitting down, it's harder to tell who's so drunk they can't walk and less safe to be refusing drink to aggressive types.   

       Anyway, back to the idea. Eh. Um. Er.
calum, Dec 22 2003
  

       po has fainted at the back there, bring her a brandy!
po, Dec 22 2003
  

       brandy [po]? Gin, surely?   

       *bows* to [calum] who clearly knows his table service bar onions.
jonthegeologist, Dec 22 2003
  

       I think legless barmen would become de rigueur in that case. The less ballast the better. "My barman is slipping, could you give him a nudge?"
k_sra, Dec 22 2003
  

       Cheers, [jon], ain't never been bowed at befo'. Appropriately enough, once a barman, a barman for life.
calum, Dec 22 2003
  

       Not just for Christmas...
lostdog, Dec 22 2003
  

       Wouldn't all the barmen still need to queue at the bar on your behalf to get the drinks? If not then where do the drinks come from? If the barman brings them then what's in it for the bar owner? The problem with table-service is that it doesn't allow for single people to meet each other while queuing at the bar, and nor does your system. Since this is the primary reason why many people go to the bar in the first place I can't see it taking off. If you just want quick access to drink then sit at home next to your fridge. If you want conversation with your mates, invite them round to sit next to your fridge. If you want to go out and meet strangers then put up with the wait – it gives you all a common experience with which to identify.
dobtabulous, Dec 23 2003
  
      
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