h a l f b a k e r y
Chewable.
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Roland wandered, apparently aimlessly, along the street with his hood pulled up over his head, fending off the light rain that was drifting gently from a lowering sky.
At last, what he was waiting for... a young thug sidling up to him, clutching something in his pocket.
As he drew closer, Roland
thumbed a switch on the device in his pocket. Immediately, a booming soundtrack of "Mandy" burst forth from the concealed speakers under his arms. At the same instant, the noise-cancelling headphones concealed in the hood kicked into action, protecting Roland's fragile mind from the debilitating effects of The Boy From Brooklyn.
His would-be assailant reeled back in horror, clutching at his ears and turning away in shock.
Roland switched the coat off, ambling along a little more quickly, looking for someone upon whom to test "Lola" or "Copacabana". There were over 150 tracks from which to choose, depending upon your situation.
Maybe this one would make him rich?
Field tested in Sydney, apparently.
http://www.contactm...20deterrent_1002785
[cromagnon, Oct 23 2006]
Fatal Auto-Collision Song
Fatal_20Auto_20Collision_20Song
Supposed to *avoid* a Barry Manilow-themed demise [Jinbish, Oct 24 2006]
The Entire Arsenal
http://www.barrynet.com/bmnet246.html
Read 'em and weep... uncontrollably. [UnaBubba, Oct 24 2006]
Roving Gangs Of Vigilante Polka Bands
Roving_20Gangs_20Of...nte_20Polka_20Bands
For [Canuck] [UnaBubba, Oct 26 2006]
if you have time for a video...
http://vids.myspace...&videoID=1137853754
A friend of mine made this a while back. It has very little to do with the idea, just stupidly entertaining. [Hunter79764, Oct 27 2006]
[link]
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"Poor guy - they were hardened criminals - he should have used 'Copacabana'" |
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I've read your idea.Now all that I can imagine is someone walking along in a flashers mack whilst dragging a bloody great nose along fixed upon a cut down tea trolly with the nasal passages acting as stereo speakers.Strange. |
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I think this might actually be sueable. Seriously. On second thought, I'd kill you if you used this on me. My overwhelming hatred of all things Manilow would overcome my paralysis, resulting in your death. Even if you took out the assailant, you'd have an angry mob gunning you down in the street. I'm staying neutral on this. |
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(obligatory Breakfast Club quote: "does Barry Manilow know you stole his wardrobe?" |
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I take it this jacket will be a straight one...waitaminute. |
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TO solve the problem of automanilowing touched upon by [Lt_Frank], have the mechanism triggered by a rip-cord device in the jacket armpit which activates upon the wearer sticking their fingers in their ears very, very quickly. |
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//mechanism triggered by a rip-cord device// |
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I have this horrible vision of me skydiving, feeling the wind in my face - and then, instead of a parachute opening, all I get is a lousy auto-collision song:
"Lola, she was a showgirl..." |
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This might lead to a ghastly arms race of musical assault - you attempt to fight off your assailant with your Barry Manilow Jacket, but instead of fleeing, he responds with his Liberace Trousers. Should you run away, or use your Val Doonican Hat? |
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Just go all out- once you are outfitted in your Barry Manilow Jacket, Liberace Trousers, Val Doonican Hat, Elton John Glasses, Engelbert Humperdinck Shoes, and Toni Basil pom-pom socks, use your remote starter to get them all going in random order. Be sure to activate the dead-man switch to ensure retaliation after you perish from their musically offensive clothing. |
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You forgot the Backstreet Boys Watch. |
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(note: use of *this* device may be considered fighting dirty. Beware of reprisals) |
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hey hey HEY [21], don't bring the Backstreet Boys into this. They are dance-a-licious. To quote the boys themselves: I want it that way. |
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Alright everyone, just be cool. I don't want to have to use my clothing but, so help me God, I will! |
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I want to see their music go out the door, baby, bye bye bye... |
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*shudders at the thought of what I just said* Can somebody shoot me, please? I just used the weapon on myself by thinking about them! |
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My Bay City Roller Maiming Trousers are primed... |
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...and I can deploy them in 45 seconds. |
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OK, I've had to alter the idea to ensure no "own goals" are inadvertently scored. |
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Much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much better, UB. Have a bun, as long as you don't use this thing on me. |
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Psy-Ops Clothing is about to make a big hit, once Roland works out the licensing arrangements on the
Liberace Trousers
Val Doonican Hat
Elton John Glasses
Engelbert Humperdinck Shoes
Toni Basil Pom-Pom Socks
BCR Flairs
Backstreet Boys Watch
... and, of course, the clincher:
The Michael Bolton & David Hasselhoff Duet Sox |
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Hey! I like Gregorian chants; but not the fake ones that do U2 and Dire Straits numbers. |
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Gregorian Monks do Barry Manilow... EEEeeeewwww! |
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It would be more suiting for Trappist monks to have a go at a bit of Manilow, it would be better for all of us. |
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Not to forget the rock equivalent, the Linkin Parka. |
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My god in heaven... these shall be the weapons of the next World War, no doubt. I'm certain the national defense budget will be going to improving earplug and noise-cancelling technology. |
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Jane's has revealed that North Korea is rumoured to be covertly developing a Kenny G necktie. A North Korean official responded, "We routinely conduct regular military drills to strengthen self-defense. And besides, every girl's crazy for a sharp-dressed man." |
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UB, does this mean an end to Roving Gangs of Vigilante Polka Bands? |
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North Korea? Better watch out for old Kim Jong wearing his Richard Simmons shorts. |
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The VPBs have been working in rural locations for a while. A sort of grassroots crime control campaign. |
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Just looked at the Barry Top 1000 song list (link). He really is the one that writes the songs. Please, somebody make him stop before he destroys the world! |
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Strangely enough, he never wrote "I Write The Songs", which is pretty weird. |
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The irony that kills us all...now that's ironic. |
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