Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Bathroom Mufflers

Can you hear me now?
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Sometimes in the bathroom I can hear my family downstairs talking quietly. Then I realize that I just dropped a big loud stinky. I leave embarrassed wondering, is there a better way? I either need to learn to shit quietly or these air ducts need mufflers. I learned the longer you hold it in the louder it comes out! So, I need mufflers on my air ducts.(or my ass) But how? Lining the passage with insulation won't work. That would just restrict air flow and collect dust. So I'm thinking each (bathroom) vent needs an insulated flapper; smooth on the bottom, carpeted on the top. When the air flows, the flap lifts and the smooth underside lets the air breeze past. When the flap is down, the carpet captures your nasty sounds. You'll need to co-ordinate your shits with the end of a heating/cooling cycle but this could work. Besides I have a shy colon and can't crap while my mother- in-law discusses denture paste with grandma.
Brian the Painter, Jan 14 2013

I have a humour how is your humour http://upload.wikim...s/d/d7/Alletemp.jpg
[rcarty, Jan 14 2013]

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       Wholly open anal retentive gag humours.
rcarty, Jan 14 2013
  

       gorgeous link, thanks rcarty!
Brian the Painter, Jan 14 2013
  

       You crazy baker.
blissmiss, Jan 14 2013
  

       Looping soundtrack of bathroom noises plays 24/7 to drown out the genuine sounds.
pocmloc, Jan 14 2013
  

       tee hee you said bang cock!
Brian the Painter, Jan 15 2013
  

       Bella, aren't you from the UK? I know you said don't ask!
Brian the Painter, Jan 15 2013
  

       I misread this as shit muffins :-p
piluso, Jan 15 2013
  

       I think shit muffins much better idea :-p
blissmiss, Jan 15 2013
  

       No, no... Amplify and make it much louder. When I read the idea was thinking of the mufflers popular on tiny engine Honda's (and other imports) that actually make the exhaust much louder and tinny. That way even your neighbors know when you have explosive diarrhea.   

       By the way I am writing this while shitting
evilpenguin, Jan 15 2013
  

       yuuukk //evilpenguin//
Brian the Painter, Jan 15 2013
  

       [bellauk65], I'm in your neck of the woods...Sawat dee Krup! I presume you know what a "bum-gun" is?
Ling, Jan 19 2013
  


 

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