Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Blatantly Idiotic Predictions For 2006

These will come true - mark our words.
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(+6, -4)
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In the true spirit of a world in which there are vastly more television channels than there is material to broadcast, our resident soothsayers and charlatans hereby present a self-attentive list of ridiculous predictions which you'll all have forgotten about by the time they don't come true.

[edit] - post-new-year-celebratory-silliness annotations have been weeded out. I probably took a few good and valid ideas with them - sorry, if that's the case. No more introverted shoegazing predictions about the halfbakery, other halfbakers, yourself, your navel, you're naval, or anything submarine related.

Ian Tindale, Dec 31 2005

More about picts http://members.tripod.com/~Halfmoon/
[jutta, Jan 11 2006]


       Sales of removable digital flash memory cards of various formats will top a record high over the recent Christmas period. A week later, the refunds on removable digital flash memory cards of various formats will reach a record high, also, as vast numbers of the general public realise that they can't fit the myriad cards they bought into the myriad completely different devices they bought and give up in frustration.
Ian Tindale, Dec 31 2005

       1. [jonthegeologist] doesn't get round to setting up the Blatantly idiotic halfbakery predictions for 2007, despite proding from [ian_tindale]   

       2. The war in Iraq ends - again.   

       3. Gyms get busy in January and empty out again in February.   

       4. [Farmerjohn] returns to the 'bakery.   

       5. Tony Blair resigns
jonthegeologist, Dec 31 2005

       At some point between Christmas Day and Hogmanay 2006, shopping centres will fill so full that full contact human gridlock occurs, and the crisis will only be alleviated by a crack team of SAS types who will crawl upside down along the ceiling before removing one single stand of frilly knickers, such that the people can move, one at a time, and very slowly, out of the shopping centres, in a similar vein to those tile puzzles that have a single block free.
calum, Dec 31 2005

       [Farmerjohn] returns to the 'bakery
benfrost, Dec 31 2005

       Dicator George W. Bush will fall off a horse, get stomped in the head, and walk away "gay", and all for pulling the troops outta Iraq, NOW!   

       (And Farmerjohn returns.)
blissmiss, Dec 31 2005

       The Terrapin race shall finally reveal their true, nefarious purpose.   

       A bright light will be seen in the sky, but the glasses you need to see what's showing it will have dropped behind the TV set.
Dub, Dec 31 2005

       Hmm, let me see. Blatantly Idiotic? Ok, how about this one. AfroAssault marries UnaBubba in a widely-publicized, under-funded, intercontinental, mutli-denominational, linux-compatible union. UB will announce the impending birth of an offspring of unspecified species and gender to be named AfroBubba.   

       The next halfbakery.con will begin with all attendees expressing high hopes at greeting new bakers and renewing old friendships, but alas, the proceedings will strangely deteriorate into a divisive sect war involving pillow fights and custard slinging. All participants will be sent to bed without their supper.   

       The crystal ball went cloudy for moment, but here's another one that's very far from idiotic. Jutta and her highly competent staff of moderators will continue to provide all Halfbakers with a haven from the stress and pressures of daily life, where we can be as silly or as serious as we want, where time and logic can be suspended, where nationality or race or gender or economic status or shoe size are immaterial, where a good idea goes to become a great idea or just another fishboned folly. Thanks to all who participate for their dedication to keeping this place alive.   

       May your 2006 be all you hope for.
Canuck, Jan 01 2006

       I predict that honey will be the new custard.
Ian Tindale, Jan 01 2006

       [thinking it would explain a few things if UnaMomma often posts as UnaBubba.]
DrCurry, Jan 02 2006

       UnaMomma? That would make you AfroAssault, no...?
blissmiss, Jan 02 2006

       Desperate for work, Jack Abramoff will appear next to Sally Struthers in the next run of the Christian Children's Fund ads. Money designated to provide moccasins to Inuit children will be mysteriously rerouted to Tom Delay's defense fund.
RayfordSteele, Jan 03 2006

       Only one prediction:   

       The Great Crash of '06.
AfroAssault, Jan 05 2006

       What? A cymbal? A market? A train? A computer? What?
bristolz, Jan 05 2006

       Several species of small furry animals will gather together in a cave and groove with a pict.
daseva, Jan 11 2006

       To the tune of Anatevka.
wagster, Jan 11 2006

       And Eugene will come to operate his wood-chopping implement with greater care and attention [Gumbob].
zen_tom, Jan 11 2006

       One of the major camera manufacturers will announce a 6-500mm f1.4 zoom lens that can see right around corners. Another will announce the first viable consumer- available holographic dSLR sensor.
Ian Tindale, Jan 12 2006

       I predict I will post an idea in the calendar year 2006.
thumbwax, Jan 14 2006

       I vote nay. Thumbwax made a cameo. That is reason enough to save it, in my opinion.   

       SAVE THE PREDICTIONS, SAVE THE PREDICTIONS...chant, chant, chant.
blissmiss, Jan 15 2006

       Scientologists! Ha!   

       The Recent list brought together 'A Merry, Happy, Blessed Peaceful Blatantly Idiotic Halfbakery Predictions For 2006.'   

       ABC will cross-breed 'Desperate Housewives' and 'The Bachelor' to create a virtual 'reality' show that isn't actually real, to be titled 'Desperately Seeking Housewives,' where the star bachelor is later revealed to be a robot.
RayfordSteele, Jan 16 2006

       I predict [Ian] won't delete this idea (Brilliant! If he does delete it, he'll delete my incorrect prediction with it).
hippo, Jan 16 2006

       I predict that illegal downloaders everywhere will think it witty to make a visual pun on the term pirate by wearing eye patches and silly hats.   

       Some will take the joke too far and attempt to replace their legs with pieces of wood with disastrous results.
hidden truths, Jan 19 2006

       I predict the arrival of at least one newbie in the HB who will delight and amuse us all with their fantastical, well spelt, truly half-baked inventions and some other newbies who just piss us off for a fortnight before leaving.
squeak, Jan 19 2006

       Due to pregnancy, Angelina Jolie’s lips will swell to the size of small throw pillows. Whilst window shopping she inadvertently sticks to the glass like a hapless plecostomus with congestion. Once pried free she leaves the scene embarrassed, declining comment. Witnesses report her cursing and mumbling something about automating large blowfish tearaways.
Shz, Jan 20 2006

       I predict that this thread will be longer than the original aphorism game show and start to puke outa the bottom of your computer screen.
skinflaps, Jan 20 2006

       I predict Zimmy will say many things that are beyond his scope of his own understanding. He did fire his boss as he predicted in a previous deleted anno.
Zimmy, Jan 21 2006

       The ministry of food and agriculture will agree a minor change in the wording represented on most commercial products. Upon the realisation that, semantically, the "sell by date" is actually aimed at the retailer, not the customer, and therefore the customer should in all rights completely ignore it, the word "sell" is revised, replaced with the word "buy".
Ian Tindale, Jan 21 2006

       I believe a lovely, 7 ton creature, will swim into forbidden waters before the whole of London, and die a very sad, and poignant death, before millions of onlookers, worldwide :-(
blissmiss, Jan 22 2006

       Intelligent life forms capable of interstellar travel are discovered inhabiting a large asteroid orbiting Proxima Centauri. When asked why they have never tried to contact us. Their reply reads; [We killed most of the dinosaurs escaping from you <untranslatable> cretins the last time. Don't make us do it again.]   

       In other news, Canada separates from Quebec. Plans are underway to create the world’s largest moat around the province. The estimated five years needed to complete the mega-moat has politicians dubbing the project, Channel number five, but it's more commonly referred to by Canadian citizens as the Au Reservoir.   

       I predict that after the war some time in mid 2007, the Republican base will start to really crumble, with a new small class of post-Iraqi veterans redefining American politics and a long lame-duck Presidency.
RayfordSteele, Feb 01 2006

       Walmart will apologize for selling us cheap plastic crap while simultaneously apologizing to all the underpaid workers who are producing said crap, and to all persons living on earth for the pollution caused by the production, transportation, and eventual disposal of that crap.   

       That or purple elves will rise from the soil of Montana and give us all wedgies.
Galbinus_Caeli, Feb 01 2006

       The world record for number of cooks without spoiled broth will be shattered by a multi-nation team of determined chefs.
hidden truths, Feb 01 2006

       // That or purple elves will rise from the soil of Montana //
I think we should starting paving over Montana *now*.

       [2 fries], you missed a trick. I think 'Canal Plus' would be a much better name...
moomintroll, Feb 01 2006

       During 2006, a completely feasible, economical, effective and universal replacement for the until-now standard, illogical and bulky typewriter-like keyboard will be invented and adopted very rapidly throughout the known world. It will allow input of textual data as freely as a contemporary keyboard does, it will be even cheaper to manufacture, it will not have difficulties with people's attributes such as handedness, accent, skill-level, etc, and it will be small enough to not dictate the size of host machines. The invention will rapidly place phenomenal riches at the inventor's disposal. This revolutionary new means of input will cause pretty much everybody in the world to smack their forehead as if to say "why didn't I think of that", and "what was that halfbakery website the inventor was talking about?".
Ian Tindale, Feb 02 2006

       They'll call it 'the pen.'
RayfordSteele, Feb 02 2006

hippo, Feb 03 2006

       <just before kick-off> There will be at least one HB idea inspired by this year's blockbuster Superbowl advertisements / half time entertainment / wardrobe malfunction / a sign in the crowd / the actual game.
ConsulFlaminicus, Feb 05 2006

       [CF], I looked, but there's no Vegas odds on that one. I'd bet on it.
Zimmy, Feb 05 2006

       I predict a rash of CNC-based ideas.
egbert, Apr 18 2006

       Gas prices will peak in September, then fall sharply after a bill passes that will be labeled "Drugs for Oil" which allows Drugs from Canada to be sold in the US. (Canada agrees to lower the price of oil supplied to the US in exchange after putting a tax on drug exports and using this to gain to subsidise the lower oil prices with oil company tax cuts).   

       Voter turnout is about at normal levels in the US for November elections and Democrats are again surprised with minimal gains in seats. Oil prices begin to rise sharply again in late December (right after Christmas) as the US makes Venezuela, Mexico, Iran, and most of the other OPEC Nations even madder at them than they are now.   

       (I was going to say that the Strategic Oil Reserve would be intentionally depleted at the same time, but I thought that would be too idiotic. 5 min's after I posted this .. Good one George.)
Zimmy, Apr 25 2006

       On BBC's EastEnders: A character will spend time in Walford Hospice - (Witness the collection jar that's recently been in shot in the laundrette)   

       The cast will be affected by the water shortage, and will all pull together in a good ol' British way to ensure the water-board's profit targets are reached.   

       Perhaps some automotive / legal wrangle will appear (MOT/Insurance/Road Tax)   

       Other Soaps will follow suit: After all, all of them are based around a pub, involve people who never mention politics or watch television or see films. Who watches this stuff anyway? :)
Dub, Apr 25 2006

       (c)rap music will die, it was never really music anyway. Makers of such will no longer be incorrectly titled 'artists'. The scores and scores of repetitive pap acts clutching at the charts will simmer gently, and then someone will thankfully turn the stove off. Copycat bands will no longer be praised for their 'stunning contributions', but instead will be mocked and publicly humiliated.   

       Intelligent music will take a bold move forward.
kuupuuluu, Apr 25 2006

       It appears that [po]'s rashly predicted and since deleted prediction of this dying a death around February 18th will be found lacking.   

       I predict that this annotation will later be deleted.   

       I predict that whoever it was will have the last annotation on this idea.
hidden truths, Apr 25 2006

       This year I will buy a clock that looks like a stainless steel pool table with a half nude woman painted on it and will make engine revving noises every hour.
It will wind up being the loudest, most annoying thing I have ever owned.
[Farmerjohn] will be blamed.
Letsbuildafort, Apr 26 2006

       I predict I will throttle whoever deleted my prediction unless of course it was me.
po, Apr 26 2006

       //Gas prices will peak in September, then fall sharply after a ..//   

       at least I had the first part right. I failed to anticipate a major deep water oil strike.   

       //Tony Blair resigns// - good call, [jtg]
Zimmy, Sep 19 2006

       Well, the summer is nearly over here in Canada and I haven't yet heard any spooky knock at my door at 3am.   

       Hang on a minute. Somebody's at the door. I'll be back shortly.
Canuck, Sep 19 2006

       How did this lot fare?
po, Dec 22 2006


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