Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Blatantly Idiotic Predictions for 2017

Who knows. Seriously, who cares. Everything was fiction.
  (+6)
(+6)
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against]

There's a lot in store for 2017. The sun will come up, and it will go down again, many many many times.

There will be discovered a new form of energy that initially has no apparent use. This will be seen as an energy crisis - too much energy.

Paypal will become a 'world bank' whereby many people will have Paypal as their only banking facility. PayPal will then seek independence as a separate country and set up offices floating around on the ocean wave.

Google will decide once and for all what the f they're going to do with Chrome OS. They'll make it a quantum front-end whereby instead of producing and creating and editing your documents, it acts as a gateway into the infinite causal instancing of the exact effective functional replica of the document you were about to create (because it exists as a possibility), which saves a fortune in storage.

Yahoo will be remembered.

Apple will axe the Macintosh. No more Macs or Macbooks. MacOS will cease development. All energy will be put into iPad development, and more professional ways of playing fruit and panda manipulating games.

Linux will give up and go home, leaving us with GUI-less server distros only.

2017 will be the big year of 'doing stuff without a lot of data'. Rather than worrying that storage is low on devices, and that there's nowhere to put things that doesn't cost money forever, and that the more photos videos and music you make, the more you need somewhere else to put it, there'll be a movement in 'how much you can get done requiring almost no storage' and therefore never needs moving off of a device because you've run out of room. For this, a lot of modular pre-existing media fragments can be called upon to assemble. Emoji-cons will expand into representations of pieces almost everything that is possible to percieve. Taking a photo will consist of analyzing it and matching pieces of it with an existing worldwidely available library of bits of visual impression. Same with video, selfies, pron and music.

Politics will turn out alright in the end. People will come to realise that the alternatives to true democracy are not as desirable as democracy and therefore democracy will take on a strengthened desirability in the public eye of the young. The thing that makes this happen is a dictatorial event. Not a world war, like before, but a Facebook mishap.

A hybrid of mirrors and magnets will be invented.

Eggs will go cheap.

People will boast about how few apps they have on their phones and tablets - it'll be a thing, demonstrating what wasn't needed after all. This will extend to general life, and there'll be a new movement of signaling and positioning in relation to how optimized consumption is, not how big and impressive it is.

Ian Tindale, Dec 02 2016

Spam Luncheon Meat https://www.yahoo.c...e-donald-trump.html
made from hogs fed on a diet of pure lard in barns with piped 24/7 episodes of The Kardashians [xenzag, Dec 04 2016]

The Goodies, Father Christmas Do Not Touch Me https://youtu.be/hC3AphnJLbE
[Ian Tindale, Dec 15 2016]

Motivation https://genius.com/...ck-speech-annotated
Sadly, all too true. [8th of 7, Jun 07 2017]

[link]






       Did we do the "PayPal infallibility" joke already?   

       Also, [8th] will be very, very cross that you've beaten him to it. So [+].
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 02 2016
  

       No, no, this was always Ian's gig really.   

       We predict that Mexico will pay for a high concrete wall along their northern border to keep out undesirables desperately fleeing South to escape the New Order in Trumpland.   

       There will finally be something approximating to peace in Syria, because the only living things left in the country will be flocks of crows pecking at the scattered corpses.
8th of 7, Dec 02 2016
  

       Trump will be the second US President to win the Nobel Peace Prize in a row, for arranging peace between the Israelis and the Palestinian on January 19th, the day before he takes office, famously saying afterwards, "you have any hard ones, I'm starting to get bored".
theircompetitor, Dec 02 2016
  

       Climate change denial will become the core belief of some religious sects and so debate will be stifled on religious freedom grounds
hippo, Dec 02 2016
  

       Has that not already happend re 'born again' retards?
xenzag, Dec 02 2016
  

       Google Glass will see a revival with retro hipster cool
hippo, Dec 02 2016
  

       JHC will have one of his ideas patented.   

       Hillary will take up arms and move to Montana, where she will hold a post office building hostage with 300 armed gay interior decorators demanding to be recognized as a separate nation with a new constitution.   

       Kim Jong Un will engage in a Twitter war with Bernie, resulting in more money for Trump somehow.   

       Orange will be added to the stars and stripes, and to the Statue of Liberty.   

       Polar bears will decide that they like warm climates, and Disneyworld Orlando will become the first underwater theme park to feature roller- coasters.   

       Books on WWII will be rewritten from the perspective of Heinrich Himmler.
RayfordSteele, Dec 02 2016
  

       I'll receive my google brain implant on the NHS
po, Dec 03 2016
  

       //Did we do the "PayPal infallibility" joke already?   

       After some desultory research, looks like 2 fries got there first, on Jan 28 2013.
not_morrison_rm, Dec 03 2016
  

       Sturton will finally give up drinking, favouring a central line instead.   

       MaxCo. will create a genetically engineered dog that produces cat allergens, especially for [8th].   

       Unmanned probes will find evidence of life on Europa, but not in Belgium.   

       Significant technical developments will mean that practical fusion power is only thirty years away.   

       The number of coathangers will exceed the number of humans for the first time.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 03 2016
  

       MB hah. Merry Xmas
po, Dec 03 2016
  

       Scientists invent a perpetual entropy machine, but it keeps breaking down (adapted from an old joke on reddit).
not_morrison_rm, Dec 03 2016
  

       -The key to immortality is discovered. International consortium declares that only humans willing to undertake voyages to other worlds are eligible for the procedure... ironically all Earthbound immortals are sentenced to death.   

       Britain will activate Article 50 and execute an unexpectedly abrupt departure from the EU.   

       There will be a very loud TWANGGGG as, deprived of the rock anchor of British common sense and pragmatism, the stored tensions in mainland Europe fling it up and right over Russia, landing with a splash in the North Pacific, East of Kamchatka.
8th of 7, Dec 04 2016
  

       Every member of the EU will exit the EU. Except Malta.
Ian Tindale, Dec 04 2016
  

       Donald Trump will appear on Saturday Night Live while Alec Baldwin takes a month long break and no one will notice. (this may have already happened actually)
xenzag, Dec 04 2016
  

       We will all wake up and 2016 will really be just some bad ass dream we had, and we can undo everything.
blissmiss, Dec 04 2016
  

       "Groundhog Year", starring Tom Hanks and Hilary Clinton (As the marmot) ...
8th of 7, Dec 04 2016
  

       Sales of Trump Spam Luncheon meat will go through the roof. (see link)
xenzag, Dec 04 2016
  

       //Every member of the EU will exit the EU.//   

       ...then, while the EU is empty and there's nobody around, England will pop back in, take command of the whole show and rename it the British Empire. (This may make the Maltese cross.)
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 04 2016
  

       They already have the George Cross, so they're probably cross enough already.
8th of 7, Dec 04 2016
  

       Hillary Clinton will challenge Donald Trump to an arm wrestling match for the presidency. It will tie.   

       FTL travel will be discovered, but by the end of the year we'll stop going out there because it's just boring.   

       Free unlimited energy will become available but citing the need for jobs congress will make it illegal.
Voice, Dec 04 2016
  

       Everything will be alright.
Ian Tindale, Dec 04 2016
  

       Oh come on ... the theme's "Blatantly Idiotic", not "Utterly impossible" ...
8th of 7, Dec 04 2016
  

       // Everything will be alright. //   

       AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!   

       Ahem. As you were.
whatrock, Dec 04 2016
  

       // Everything will be alt-right.   

       FTFY as the kids say.   

       We will look back on 2016 as the "good ol' days."
tatterdemalion, Dec 04 2016
  

       The wise ones keeping track of the "minutes to midnight" clock will admit that the clock had broken down at 12:05AM ten years ago
theircompetitor, Dec 04 2016
  

       The wise ones keeping track of the "minutes to midnight" clock will admit that the clock had broken down at 12:05AM ten years ago
theircompetitor, Dec 04 2016
  

       It will be revealed that [theircompetitor] is in fact a pair of conjoined twins who share a computer.
8th of 7, Dec 04 2016
  

       //Apple will axe the Macintosh. No more Macs or Macbooks. MacOS will cease development. All energy will be put into iPad development, and more professional ways of playing fruit and panda manipulating games.//   

       And dongle manufacturing. Don't forget the dongles.
AusCan531, Dec 04 2016
  

       As the clock ticks to 12:00 midnight on 31st Dec 2016, a dialog box will pop up in front of everyone on Earth, just floating there in mid-air, with the message "2016 has encountered a fault and will need to restart" and a button titled "Restart 2016".
hippo, Dec 05 2016
  

       Oh fuck, David Bowie, Prince and Lemmy have to die again?
Ian Tindale, Dec 05 2016
  

       There will be a new reality series - "The Newbie Politician", where we watch a small child trying to run a country. After basic potty training we watch; the first steps, "Don't put that in your mouth Donald!", learning how to use a real telephone, going to bed before the tweet watershed, cleaning up the toys strewn around and all the other growing up pains we expect from a newbie president. 4 series, 365 episodes.   

       Guantanamo will serve goulash.   

       Deep Mind will be taught the game of life and commit suicide. The restored backup will be taught naughts and crosses and start a global thermonuclear war.   

       The US will stop funding NASA. All other nations vastly increase spending on various ways to get off the planet.
bigsleep, Dec 05 2016
  

       [Ian] Not necessarily - it depends on what the fault was.
hippo, Dec 06 2016
  

       The San Andreas fault will rupture in multiple locations.   

       San Francisco will be devastated, as will be the surrounding area. The loss of life and property will be catastrophic, and the transport, energy and communications infrastructures will be wrecked.   

       To the amazement of the rest of the planet, the survivors will choose not to rebuild a major city in the same stupid, stupid place ...
8th of 7, Dec 06 2016
  

       //The San Andreas fault will rupture in multiple locations.// - everything to the west of the fault will be fine; the rest of the continental US will sink into the sea.
hippo, Dec 06 2016
  

       More women will get cats, so Trump acolytes have something to grab.
4and20, Dec 07 2016
  

       [hippo], that made me laugh really hard. I would say "lol", but that wouldn't really capture how hard I laughed. I really laughed. You one funny guy. +
blissmiss, Dec 07 2016
  

       I predict a low bar for what qualifies as blatant idiocy in 2017.
tatterdemalion, Dec 07 2016
  

       Triggered by the San Andreas rupture, a new fault-line running down the western side of England will open up, flooding most of Wales with molten lava on a scale so large that it is even mentioned as an "and finally" item on the BBC News.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 07 2016
  

       Unless there's a cat that looks funny, on that day.
Ian Tindale, Dec 08 2016
  

       [Ian Tindale] will be nominated for the Nobel Peace Price, but may only receive half. This is for his magnanimous post of the 2017 predictions which I am totally enjoying!
xandram, Dec 08 2016
  

       Due to a minor but hilarious clerical error, the other half of the prize will go to Mynheer Donal van Tromp of Pennsylvanialaan 2200, Amersfoort, Netherlands.
8th of 7, Dec 08 2016
  

       Donald Trump will win Time Magazine's Man Of The Year award. I can't think of anything more blatantly idiotic than this 21st Century Hitler being made Man of Year.
xenzag, Dec 08 2016
  

       GODWIN'S LAW !!   

       You owe us $5.
8th of 7, Dec 08 2016
  

       Analysis of high resolution photographs of Donald Trump will reveal multi-planar Kirlian emanations.
Ian Tindale, Dec 08 2016
  

       A group of young, Catholic school boys on holiday, will have a collective vision of the second coming of Michael Jackson. They all swear he was wearing 2 gloves...
xandram, Dec 08 2016
  

       Recipes will be allowed. In fact, they will be so popular, graffiti artists will be spraying recipes on trains, abandon buildings and anything else. One of the popular recipes for 2107 will be for *falafel donuts*.
xandram, Dec 08 2016
  

       [xandram] will be stunned and astonished by being pursued and apprehended by a mob of peasants brandishing pitchforks, scythes and burning torches, and manhandled into a Wicker Man, followed by efficient immolation.
8th of 7, Dec 08 2016
  

       I didn't think falafel doughnuts were quite that bad...my own prediction is garlic rice pudding gets 6 Michelin stars
not_morrison_rm, Dec 08 2016
  

       Dredging in the South China Sea reaches a crescendo, literally paving the way for the entire sea to be filled with artificial land. A "tit for tat" war shockingly deescalates from a monthly killing spree, to troop movements and propaganda, to a few guys hurling coconuts and insults in lieu of grenades. This develops into the national sport of the country on the new South China landmass.
Voice, Dec 08 2016
  

       //my own prediction is garlic rice pudding gets 6 Michelin stars//   

       I've heard it has better all-season properties than nitrogen.   

       //I can't think of anything more blatantly idiotic than this 21st Century Hitler being made Man of Year.//   

       Clearly garlic rice pudding delivers better all year round performance.
bigsleep, Dec 10 2016
  

       The halfbakery will be released in colour.
Ian Tindale, Dec 13 2016
  

       ...but then re-arrested on new charges.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 13 2016
  

       Global warming will make people more intelligent, but having started out cold and slow, they will burn out just chasing romantic intrigues, like the narrator of "Flowers for Algernon".
4and20, Dec 13 2016
  

       2016 will be looked back on as the Age of Reason.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 13 2016
  

       Bill and Hilary Clinton will turn out to be alien reptilians bent on enslaving humanity for their own evil purposes.   

       The National Enquirer will become the planet's most trusted news source, closely followed by Fortean Times and "This bloke I know down the pub".   

       CNN will fold. To no-one's surprise, Rupert Murdoch will turn out to be an alien reptilian too.   

       Shares in Sky TV will double in value after their new Poikilothermic Channel launches and immediately attracts 2.3 Billion subscribers in the first 24 hours.   

       It will turn out that 99.9879% of the population are in fact alien reptilians*, but have been keeping quiet about it because of the social stigma.   

       *The remainder will turn out to be research herpetologists from Zeta Reticuli, who are mightily pissed off at being at the back of the queue when the Ph.D. projects were handed out. The last thing they wanted was a load of dreary field work on a stupidly boring planet hundreds of light-years from the nearest decent Gart thimply.
8th of 7, Dec 13 2016
  

       My Blatantly Idiotic Prediction for 2017 is that there will be Blatantly Idiotic Predictions in 2017. Or not, taking no chances.
not_morrison_rm, Dec 13 2016
  

       Donald Trump will discover the Halfbakery and immediately set about creating a research department devoted to the development of the collective ideas of Vernon, which will go massively over budget as the team for reading them grows ever larger.
RayfordSteele, Dec 13 2016
  

       And following suit, of course, he will name our beloved jutta, Head of the Department of Halbakering.
blissmiss, Dec 13 2016
  

       Trump's Inaugural Address will be compiled exclusively from the text of the Halfbakery Top Ten.   

       No-one will laugh.
8th of 7, Dec 13 2016
  

       PSA: A poikilotherm is an organism whose internal temperature varies considerably. It is the opposite of a homeotherm, an organism which maintains thermal homeostasis.
AusCan531, Dec 13 2016
  

       Trump will start wars with the middle east, China, Mexico, some of the US, South Africa, Canada, Germany, the media, France, Japan, N. Korea and eventually the rest of the US. In 2018 things will somehow get worse.
whatrock, Dec 13 2016
  

       Rumours that President Trump wanders the White House in a hooded Jedi robe, cackling and telling his staff to" Give in to their Hate" will turn out to be true.   

       A consortium of major aerospace corporations will start construction in high Earth orbit of what appears from a distance to be a small moon.
8th of 7, Dec 14 2016
  

       ..appears from a distance to be a small moon, but closer examination turns out to be the Trump derrière done on a monstrous scale, in titanium.
not_morrison_rm, Dec 14 2016
  

       ^ "[8th] ... I am your father, your mother was a cat. Can't remember which one, I've grabbed so much pussy".   

       The Japanese will invent a gold plating toilet.   

       The US government will bring millions of jobs back to America by imposing huge import taxes, passing a bill abolishing the minimum wage and giving green cards out like candy to *anybody* willing to come from China or Russia (people who aren't black, mexican or muslim) wanting to struggle on $2/hour. Thus bringing all the jobs back to depressed regions and ending illegal immigration at the same time !   

       Has anyone noticed that its really hard to make a blatantly idiotic 2017 prediction ?   

       Ok, here goes -   

       In March 2017, following a 3am tweet, the text "but I was just maaking america great again" will trigger the reactivation of a cold case from 2000. At a crime scene in Essex, a man was found murdered in several different ways in a bedsit. There were a number of burn marks on furniture and walls in the shape of a human. The walls were also covered in the phrases "just maaking" and "oh crap, oh crap" written in blood. Toward the end of the case notes it included one desperate and sarcastic statement by a detective saying "It's almost as if its a suicide, but he just kept coming back to life and tried another way.". The Vatican will investigate the case and appeal for custody of the duvet of Colchester, the wallpaper of Colchester, the door of Colchester, the ceiling of Colchester and the armchair of Colchester.   

       [RIP Ronnie Corbett].
bigsleep, Dec 14 2016
  

       //The Japanese will invent a gold plating toilet.   

       Ahem " ...in 2002 ..World's Toilet Museum, in Utazu, Kagawa Prefecture...At that time the solid gold 24-karat loo... but the museum closed in 2001, and the toilet was reportedly sold to a private investor in 2008.The legendary 24-karat toilet was last seen at the Shanghai World Expo in 2010."   

       Not to mention the $1,000,000 solid gold bath tub in the Kominato Hotel Mikazuk, which mysteriously disappeared in 2007.
not_morrison_rm, Dec 15 2016
  

       Nothing mysterious about that . It was stolen by aliens, who are obsessed with sanitary fixtures. There's a movie about them - "Invasion of the Bidet Snatchers" ....
8th of 7, Dec 15 2016
  

       [8th], I am sending Sturton round to your place. He takes a very dim view of gratuitous puns.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 15 2016
  

       Yes, we know. We've told him again and again, those sunglasses are much too dark.
8th of 7, Dec 15 2016
  

       In his first hundred days, President Trump will officially abolish the role of the First Lady, choosing instead to use Miss America in that role. Pundits will be shocked by such a flagrant conflict of interest, since he's had a hand in choosing Miss America and has ties to the pageant.   

       A reputable news organization will discover that Vladimir Putin was actually born in the United States. Upon hearing that, Putin will finally leave the presidency of Russia, choosing to run in 2020 for the presidency of the United States. "I've already proven I can win the electoral college", he'll say in his first morning briefing with American Reporters.
theircompetitor, Dec 15 2016
  

       Exxon's chief potato brain will announce a scheme to correct global warming by burning additional billions of tons of oil that will be paid for by the Chinese to punish them for creating the climate change myth in the first place.
xenzag, Dec 15 2016
  

       That would be a good start.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 15 2016
  

       // paid for by the Chinese to punish them //   

       Since that will result in increased rainfall, more flooding, and rising sea levels- causing much pain and misery- presumably it will be known as The Chinese Water Torture …
8th of 7, Dec 15 2016
  

       Maxwell, a bit like […]
Ian Tindale, Dec 15 2016
  

       In an act of foolhardy bravado, Trump allows Vladimir Putin to draw up his living will, using unpublished material from the DNC election strategy.
4and20, Dec 15 2016
  

       Incumbent democratic governments around the world simultaneously realise that although their legal term of office is defined in years, they have the power to redefine what a year actually is. They all, therefore, redefine a year to last for eternity. There will be no 2018.
DrBob, Dec 15 2016
  

       Wikipedia goes bust and disappears. The Wikipedia mentality lives on, however, and a way of 'hallmarking' news to prevent fake news will dominate.
Ian Tindale, Dec 15 2016
  

       Because Trump is going to do so much...he will abolish the use of thermometers all across the US. Therefore instituting the new Trumpometer! A new way to measure temperatures in text ranging from the proverbial Witch's Tit to the Hot Potato. (in between might be warm mayonnaise) The scientific community will be up in arms, but Trump will respond saying "What do numbers really mean anyway?"
xandram, Dec 15 2016
  

       So many of the world's problems could be solved if we could reinvoke the practice of dueling.
RayfordSteele, Dec 16 2016
  

       2016 - the year that made David Icke seem like a perfectly sensible normal bloke.
Ian Tindale, Dec 30 2016
  

       David Icke believes the British Royal Family are shape-shifting alien lizards.   

       On the other hand, some of the other stuff he spouts is complete rubbish ...
8th of 7, Dec 30 2016
  

       [JHC] will make [beany] seem like a perfectly sensible normal bloke.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 30 2016
  

       The America country will have a king or queen at last. It will also change its name to avoid confusion with the other America, the one that speaks Latin.
Ian Tindale, Jan 01 2017
  

       The sheep willeth demand cotton underwear back, and the shepherds willeth be seen as the assholes they have been hiding.
4and20, Jan 01 2017
  

       //The sheep willeth demand cotton underwear back// I am not Googling "sheep in pants", but I'm sure it exists.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 01 2017
  

       Rossi's con will spark a earth shattering change in LENR research and we will all get our autonomous flying cars.
wjt, Jan 01 2017
  

       // we will all get our autonomous flying cars//   

       Not in 2017, but maybe mobile app controlled flying toilets so we can boldly go in otherwise restricted locations.   

       You never know, this could form the basis of a new Trump military stealth pooh flinging programme of camo-khazi bombing.
bigsleep, Jan 01 2017
  

       Notably, the US has concurrently developed the countermeasure; despite all the shit that's been flung, not enough of it has stuck to Hillary …
8th of 7, Jan 02 2017
  

       In late 2017, someone somewhere in the world will by chance encounter a block diagram of the internal functioning of the 555 integrated circuit that is somehow actually correct. All the remaining extant 555 block diagrams will be used as a gauge of deviance from the truth, which translates to how far from actual fact something scientific you read on the internet is. Some 555 diagrams are quite plausible, some are fundamentally totally incorrect and obviously flawed. Every single one of them, however, is quite different from any other. The 555 deviance factor will fall into common currency when relating to false news that has a scientific plausible flavour, which you read on the internet, so it must be true.
Ian Tindale, Jan 07 2017
  

       //some 555 diagrams are quite plausible, some are fundamentally totally incorrect and obviously flawed. //   

       555 is the fax number of the beast.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 07 2017
  

       In Thai numbers it goes neung, song, sam, si and ha, so on the net 555 means "I'm laughing".   

       Not a lot of people know this, except the entire population of Thailand, and some resident expats, if you can sober them up enough.
not_morrison_rm, Jan 07 2017
  

       Block diagrams usually encapsulate detail. Looking at just a few of searchable diagrams the power rails may be a bit vague, to which I offer -   

       1) The pin assignment is always accurate. 2) Vcc and ground are references to the power supply whichever pins they are.
bigsleep, Jan 07 2017
  

       // Not a lot of people know this, except the entire population of Thailand, and some resident expats, if you can sober them up enough. //   

       Ouch! My prediction is that Pattaya will become the world destination of choice for meditation and yoga, and families with young children.   

       In iRacing, 555 is my car number...
Ling, Jan 07 2017
  

       Happy Year of the Flaming Red Cock, everyone, soon.
Ian Tindale, Jan 26 2017
  

       You can get ointment for that now, [Ian].
8th of 7, Jan 26 2017
  

       Apropos [theircompetitor]'s observation, the Bulletin of Atomic Scientists have set the Doomsday Clock to a halfbakery-friendly two-and-a-half minutes to midnight.
tatterdemalion, Jan 26 2017
  

       It's those cheap Chinese batteries. Don't worry, the Don will soon have repatriated primary cell manufacture, and there'll be plenty of good, reliable American units ready to power that clock right down to zero at double speed ...
8th of 7, Jan 26 2017
  

       He's going to make America grate, again.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 26 2017
  

       <rehash of ancient joke>   

       "Donald Trump will give the American people something to live for .... months."   

       </roaj>
8th of 7, Jan 26 2017
  

       Donald Trump will eschew tradition by refusing to pardon the ungrateful Thanksgiving turkeys, tweeting: "I'm tired of this political correctness, turkeys get eaten on Thanksgiving."
He will then initially refuse to commit to the existence of Santa Claus, prompting a million child march on Washington, but then leverage the backlash into saving Appalachia by increasing coal demand, big-league, as he sends every attendee of the march a lump of coal.
theircompetitor, Jan 26 2017
  

       // prompting a million child march on Washington, but then leverage the backlash into saving Appalachia by increasing coal demand, big-league, as he sends every attendee of the march a lump of coal. //   

       Ahh, we discern a strategy. All those soot-coated chimney flues, and just at the right moment, millions of diminutive chimney sweeps in need of employment.   

       Now, THAT'S putting America back to work ...
8th of 7, Jan 26 2017
  

       Alternative Facts will stimulate a sell out revival of George Orwell's1984, which increasingly looks like a documentary on modern America. Actually this is not that rediculous, as it's already happening.
xenzag, Jan 26 2017
  

       The Americans decide they like Theresa May better than Trump, and want to have her as their prime minister, too.
Ian Tindale, Jan 27 2017
  

       People will begin to spell ridiculous the right way, while encountering a backlash from 'alternative spellers.'
RayfordSteele, Jan 28 2017
  

       But people who really actually do mean to say blueiculous or greeniculous will be irked when corrected upon using the red one.
Ian Tindale, Jan 30 2017
  

       By the end of 2017 the 2006 film Idiocracy will have made more money than it has in total thus far (which is twenty times more on DVD rentals than it had ever made in the cinema).
Ian Tindale, Jan 30 2017
  

       Impeachment proceedings will be started against Donald Trump, either because of a complete loss of confidence in him, or because of discoveries made about him.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 30 2017
  

       Here's hoping.
zen_tom, Jan 30 2017
  

       I think we need to review the difference between blatantly idiotic and blatantly obvious for the team.
theircompetitor, Jan 30 2017
  

       That's difficult. What used to be a clear boundary line is starting to look more like a Venn diagram with a significant overlap.
RayfordSteele, Jan 30 2017
  

       // used to be a clear boundary line //   

       When was this, exactly ?   

       "clear boundary line" ... like the one between the USA and Mexico ?
8th of 7, Jan 30 2017
  

       The first quarterly review:- hmm.
Ian Tindale, Apr 07 2017
  

       How does the collective accept payment peacefully?
Voice, Apr 07 2017
  

       You give us your pants, your boots, and your motorcycle.
8th of 7, Apr 07 2017
  

       Blimey! My wikipedia thing looks like a thing.
Ian Tindale, Apr 28 2017
  

       John, IV:44 ...
8th of 7, Apr 28 2017
  

       John IV, who didn't like horse shows, or is Terminator II referenced in the Bible?
normzone, Apr 28 2017
  

       Terminator, of course - JC definitely tells his followers, "I'll be back ..."
8th of 7, Apr 28 2017
  

       There will be world peace.   

       People will begin using secure passwords, and the top 20 list of most commonly used passwords will no longer contain "password", "1234" (nor any variation of it), nor anything else which has been on that list since recording began.   

       Trump will decide that the solution to illegal immigrants from Mexico to the US is to improve Mexico's economy.   

       The whole world will switch from fossil fuels to clean alternatives (e.g. Thorium Salt Reactors).   

       Common sense will become common.
goldbb, May 28 2017
  

       Revolutions in plant genetic engineering will create legumes tolerant of drought, frost, flooding and high salinity. There will be world peas.   

       "Securepassword" will find a new place at the top of the list of most commonly used passwords.   

       Trump will decide that the solution to illegal immigrants from Mexico to the US is to move the US border further south to include Mexico. As a bonus, Louisiana will cease to be the most violent US state.   

       The whole world will switch from fossil fuels to solar. The billions of acres of jet-black panels will raise global temperatures by 12°C.   

       The common cent will be phased out as costing more to mint than its face value.
MaxwellBuchanan, May 28 2017
  

       Clearly the pressure of our years of blatantly idiotic predictions has overwhelmed reality's servers to a pending system crash. I vote next year we try for 'Optimistically Normal Predictions' in an effort to restore reality to the last working backup. If sometime you wake up and its 2015 again, the restoration was successful.
RayfordSteele, May 31 2017
  

       Donald Trump will commit suicide before the summer is out. Thousands of people will see that he was a man of great thought. Meanwhile billions of people will hold parties and consider how to prevent idiots having such uncontrolled influence. A solution will be found. Behind the sofa.
Ian Tindale, Jun 01 2017
  

       // Donald Trump will commit suicide //   

       ... resulting in Mike Pence becoming President.   

       One hundred days later, six billion humans will commence a three year nostalgia binge about how good Donald Trump was, and how they wish he was back.
8th of 7, Jun 01 2017
  

       Would he have to stop being president just because he's dead? Surely the Mexicans could use global warming to reanimate him as a robot zombie?
Ian Tindale, Jun 01 2017
  

       Trump's will be added to The Mount Rushmore National Memorial, but as a hollowed out negative space version of his head in the form of giant empty cave inhabited by millions of bats.
xenzag, Jun 01 2017
  

       //and consider how to prevent idiots having such uncontrolled influence//   

       don't have universal suffrage?
theircompetitor, Jun 01 2017
  

       Maybe nullify the extreme idiocy with laws to encourage higher participation, such as Australia does.
RayfordSteele, Jun 02 2017
  

       sp. "modify"
pertinax, Jun 07 2017
  

       [Ray] there can be only one reason to "encourage" higher participation, presumably -- and that's to get closer to actual majority rule. Is that right?   

       I mean everyone votes in North Korea, used to in the old Soviet Union? What good does that do?
theircompetitor, Jun 07 2017
  

       To paraphrase Pterry, "One Man, one Vote. Kim Ping-Pong is the Man; he has the Vote."
8th of 7, Jun 07 2017
  

       I'm still hoping that there's some semblance of sense to be found in the middle. I may be wrong about that, but it's worth a shot.
RayfordSteele, Jun 07 2017
  

       elections where only the highly motivated vote are naturally somewhat distorted, but they (should) get to the same place.   

       I think gerrymandering is a much bigger problem than participation, looks like SCOTUS has started to address it. Much of what we see now accelerated after the 2010 Census (thx Obama) -- which makes 2020 even more interesting.
theircompetitor, Jun 07 2017
  

       //elections where only the highly motivated vote are naturally somewhat distorted, but they (should) get to the same place.//   

       I highly doubt that. It seems to rely too much on hope and averaging. If one party is highly motivated and the other not so much, the optimal may not be found in conditions where the calculus demands an objective ideal to be approximated by the result.
RayfordSteele, Jun 07 2017
  

       Representative democracy is an egregious mistake; unfortunately, representatives have personal agendas. The best system is continuous semi-direct democracy.   

       The Swiss have done very well using that model (they invented the cuckoo clock, Lindt chocolate and the Swiss Army Knife, for example).   

       <link>
8th of 7, Jun 07 2017
  

       Doubt it by all means, but typically the reason one side is motivated and the other is not is that the other side was motivated, and the other was not, before. :)   

       Inevitably the idea that everyone should vote really means everyone should vote the way someone who knows better than them says they should vote, the proverbial "in their own best interest". Really no reason for elections then, we can just use an allocation algorithm.
theircompetitor, Jun 07 2017
  

       Not inevitably. Australian democracy seems to work relatively well. So far.
pertinax, Jun 07 2017
  

       Not that well. They're still in Australia.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 07 2017
  

       And that's a bad thing ? Heaven forfend they might try to leave ...
8th of 7, Jun 07 2017
  

       Californian democracy works well, too. San Franciscan democracy even better. Amazing democracy at my local condo association. What's your point.   

       Hand wringing about electoral participation is hand wringing over elections not achieving the goal of the hand wringer. I'll stand by that comment.
theircompetitor, Jun 07 2017
  

       Is there any way that hand wringing can be replaced by neck wringing, particularly of elected representatives ?
8th of 7, Jun 07 2017
  

       //Maybe nullify the extreme idiocy with laws to encourage higher participation, such as Australia does//   

       sp: precipitation.   

       //I think gerrymandering is a much bigger problem than participation, looks like SCOTUS has started to address it.//   

       So close, just a Register missing.   

       //Californian democracy works well//   

       Is that because they know a guy ? Proxy opinion formers could be an improvement to democracy. You know a guy who knows stuff and he tells you how to vote, much like a fitness instructor will help get you fit or an accountant will help you fiddle your tax returns.   

       Ok, we're gonna have to charge a lot to make democracy appealing. Maybe remove some more human rights.
bigsleep, Jun 07 2017
  

       Could the same thing be achieved by adding some human wrongs ?   

       Nixon's Principle: "If two wrongs don't make a right - try three ..."
8th of 7, Jun 07 2017
  

       //"If two wrongs don't make a right - try three ...//   

       Oddly enough my original response was not to be a smartass and to just say that Trump is just an ordinary guy in an ordinary world.   

       Oh crap, now he's a Duran Duran fan.   

       And via a sausage segway he's turned into F R David. That's not working either.   

       All told I don't think we should externalise how we digest knowledge - its pretty dangerous, reductionist, commonplace, utterly levelling and explosively depressing.   

       ^ How people self-radicalise without knowing it.
bigsleep, Jun 07 2017
  

       Does anyone ever self-moderate without knowing it ?
8th of 7, Jun 07 2017
  

       He may be many things, but ordinary would not be one of them, though despite the many invocations of Godwin, his banality far outmatches his evilness. Funny how people marvel at his narcissism while working hard every day making sure that he totally dominates the word cloud.   

       As to democracy, I doubt there was ever a point of higher transparency or less corruption in any Western capital -- which of course doesn't mean that obfuscation and corruption are not rampant. The most important thing is to resist the notion that any given "emergency" justifies "emergency" measures, be it terrorism or "climate change". Keep "emergency" measures for the asteroid, pandemic, and global thermonuclear war.
theircompetitor, Jun 08 2017
  

       //externalise how we digest knowledge//   

       I'll get a mop.
pertinax, Jun 08 2017
  

       //I doubt there was ever a point of higher transparency or less corruption in any Western capital//   

       Wait. Think of a few worthy-but-dull types. Eisenhower. Stanley Baldwin. Someone in Sweden whose name I can't remember. Are you sure they all led governments more corrupt than Trump's?
pertinax, Jun 08 2017
  

       Eisenhour was elected while Jim Crow was the law of the land in the South, when candidates were selected in smoke filled rooms, and one of the more notable congressional events during his reign were the McCarthy hearings, and Nixon was his choice for VP, and Hoover was the director of the FBI. Are you joking?
theircompetitor, Jun 08 2017
  

       It could have been worse ... what would have happened if Nixon had run the FBI, Hoover had run the congressional committee, and McCarthy had been Veep ?
8th of 7, Jun 08 2017
  

       The debate though is whether things are not getting worse :)
theircompetitor, Jun 08 2017
  

       Worse by what measure ? And for who ?   

       What if an undemocratic government run by oligarchs actually turns out to deliver a better overall quality of life for the vast majority of the population ? It probably doesn't... but what are the facts ?   

       After all, most of the super-rich probably dislike the idea of wars. Selling arms is just good business, but actual war in the immediate vicinity is very noisy and expensive and can disrupt trade. Kings and politicians start wars, for all sorts of justifications, but making money isn't one of them - armed conflict is a negative-sum game.
8th of 7, Jun 08 2017
  

       China would be an example of your thesis, at least for now.   

       I simply stated that what we have now is more open and less corrupt than what we had 50 or 100 or 200 years ago, albeit still plenty corrupt, I don't see how that can be challenged.   

       I'm also skeptical that increasing voter participation improves outcomes. That's basically it.
theircompetitor, Jun 08 2017
  

       Increasing participation increases buy-in and decreases cynicism, which is a cancer on society as a whole.   

       To the absurd extreme, decreasing participation to one voter creates a dictatorship, which we've explored and found wanting for a few thousand years.
RayfordSteele, Jun 08 2017
  

       That's a straw dictator, the difference between voluntary participation of the interested and restriction is obvious, though I might add that restriction to male landowners still gave us Jefferson and Madison somehow   

       Does the lower participation drive cynicism, or the other way around. I think people tend to think nothing changes so they don't vote. Now they get to see that some stuff changes, still hard to see how it affects them but perhaps they'll pay more attention next time
theircompetitor, Jun 08 2017
  

       Today's largely unwanted result at the general election coincided with record high voter turnouts. That seems to be what the problem is - high voter turnouts result in idiotic results, so in future try to have a lower amount of high voter turnouts.
Ian Tindale, Jun 09 2017
  

       It's because, with universal suffrage, any idiot can go and vote - even the stupid, the uneducated, the poor and - heaven help us - women ...   

       // cynicism, which is a cancer on society as a whole //   

       On the contrary, suspicion, cynicism and distrust are an essential counterbalance to the plethora of lies and deceit spewed out by politicians of every flavour*.   

       *mostly bullshit.
8th of 7, Jun 09 2017
  

       I think you might be confusing cynicism with scepticism, [8th].
pertinax, Jun 09 2017
  

       That's just the sort of thing we expected you to say ...
8th of 7, Jun 09 2017
  

       //Jim Crow //
I think you might be confusing unjust laws with corruption. Corruption often causes unjust laws, but the two are not the same thing; a system which is not corrupt can still produce unjust laws, because ordinary people aren't always nice.
  

       //smoke filled rooms//
I think you might be confusing environmental health issues with corruption.
  

       // the McCarthy hearings//
I think you might be confusing paranoia with corruption.
  

       // Nixon //
... had not yet actually done anything illegal at that point in his career, so far as we know.
  

       //Hoover was the director of the FBI//
OK. I'll let you have that one.
pertinax, Jun 10 2017
  

       [pertinax] 31 mayors in our county, including one of the mayors of our town, went to jail after the financial crisis. Allow me to maintain my own corruption metrics.
theircompetitor, Jun 11 2017
  

       Was the jail well-built, or was it substandard construction with drywall instead of concrete blocks, regular bathroom door catches on the cells, 40-Watt tungsten floodlights, and unbarbed wire ?   

       If you were worrying about escaping, that would make perfect sense.
8th of 7, Jun 11 2017
  
      
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