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Brown-Note Assistance

moving right along...
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Untold billions of dollars are wasted every year by employees falling asleep, e-mailing, playing Doom, etc. in the bathroom.

The Brown-Note Generator attaches to your standard dunny and operates when weight is on the seat.

The (mildly obnoxious) vibration/noise has 3 advantages:

1) shields the occupant from outside noise

2) ensures that the occupant won't want to spend alot of time in the stall

3) ensures that the occupant doesn't have to spend alot of time in the stall

FlyingToaster, May 01 2008

Wikipedia: Brown note http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brown_note
Srimech is right! [jutta, May 01 2008]

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       (-) Based on a myth.
jutta, May 01 2008
  

       sp. a lot.
Texticle, May 01 2008
  

       the "myth" is it's based on the length of your intenstine, iirc... people have different lengths of intenstine I imagine, so a fine-tune frequency control might be in order.
FlyingToaster, May 01 2008
  

       That would be true if the (sp.->) intestine were a rigid, resonant pipe, filled with a uniform gaseous media, and the vibration were applied to its open end. A gooshy mass 'o guts wouldn't have the structural rigidity to vibrate even if it were enimatically polished and flatulently filled from end to end.
lurch, May 01 2008
  

       whoa that's weird... I actually do know how to spell 'intestine'... apparently my fingers don't...err, "enimatically" ? § x1
FlyingToaster, May 01 2008
  

       Since I just made that one up, I doubt you'll be able to prove it's not spelled correctly. <grin>
<edit><ungrin>Except I realized later that I didn't follow the root spelling so, yes, it should have been "enematically".
lurch, May 01 2008
  

       -_- or I could do what I did which was to look in a dictionary... I still think 'alot' is a word; yes I *know* it isn't, but "a lot", to me, implies usage as a group.
FlyingToaster, May 01 2008
  

       Low frequency sound makes you feel nauseous. It may not achieve objective 3) of actually speeding up the process and it's too low to hear so won't achieve 1) but I'm pretty sure it will manage number 2).
marklar, May 01 2008
  

       A pedantic point, but this mythical frequency should be called the brown note, not brown noise which is something different.
Srimech, May 01 2008
  

       Oh.   

       I thought this was "Brown-Nose Assistance".   

       "Yes sir, I'll get your problem fixed right away. You're pretty smart, noticing so quickly that your software and your hardware aren't getting along very well."
normzone, May 01 2008
  

       oh come on, who wouldn't want a vibrating toilet ?
FlyingToaster, Mar 21 2010
  

       The mythical brown note notwithstanding, I can see a vibrating toilet aiding in the elimination process, by inducing relaxation of the muscles involved.   

       Now picturing a lavatory with built-in coin-op Shiatsu chair
BunsenHoneydew, Mar 21 2010
  

       and a flatscreen on the stall door.
FlyingToaster, Mar 21 2010
  

       Our company has obviously side-stepped this problem by not having bathrooms, but showers.
Must've realised that it is harder to fall asleep standing in a shower than lying in a bath.
coprocephalous, Mar 22 2010
  


 

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