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There is no real world
Only this fantasy
Caught in the 1/2B
My excuse for reality
Open your eyes
Check in on the pies and see
I'm just a poor baker, I need some sympathy
Because I'm trapped in here, I can't let go
Can't log out, can't let go
Whether it's night
or day now, doesn't really matter
To me
jutta, I just baked an idea
For a gun made out of bread
Linked on egnor, now I'm dead
jutta, voting had just begun
But now I've gone and thrown it all away.
jutta oo-oo,
Didn't mean to be so wry
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters
Too late,my time has come,
Sends a fishbone down my spine
Annotating all the time,
Goodbye everybody-I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and face the world
jutta oo-oo-(any way the crumbs blow)
I don't want to leave, but
I sometimes wish I'd never come here at all
I see a little glimmer of an unbaked idea
PeterSealy, PeterSealy will you bake a Rubber Mango
Susen and Mephista fighting-very very frightening me
mihali, oh mihali,
mihali, oh mihali,
mihali, waugsqueke and beauxeault
But I'm just a poor baker and nobody loves me
He's just a poor baker from a faroff country
Spare him his life from this monstrosity
Easy come easy go-,will you let me go
Halfcroissant! No-,we will not let you go-let him go
Halfcroissant! We will not let you go-let him go
Halfcroissant! We will not let you go-let him go
Will not let you go-let me go
Will not let you go let me go
No,no,no,no,no,no,no
Dog Ed, gt, Dog Ed, gt, Dog Ed, gt, let me go
AfroAssault has a devil unleashed just for me,for me,for me
So you link and fishbone me and spit in my eye
So you think you can BAKED! me and leave me to die
Oh bakery-Can't do this to me bakery
Just gotta get out-just gotta get right outta here
Nothing really matters
Anyone can see,
Nothing really matters, except halfbakery
Any way the crumbs blow....
Rubber Mango
http://www.trademe....auction-3581742.htm
[PeterSealy] has left the building [UnaBubba, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
(?) The Best Halfbake.......
The_20Best_20Halfba...World_2e_2e_2eEver!
A great idea in need of a shorter name. Some possibilities are listed to the right. [wagster, Jun 08 2005]
Further Queenism
Bee-Releasing_20Jam-Filled_20Banjo_20Leg
But this time, bee-filled. [marklar], Aug 16 2007 [theleopard, Oct 17 2008]
[link]
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I vote FOR this on the grounds that it has my name in it |
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...gee....I wonder how I'll vote.... ;-) |
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....I just realized that my annotation in "Exercise Machine Powered Gyms" about the "real world" was part of the inspiration for this....now I am completely humbled, IRL. Thanks, UB. |
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ok so i'll repeat myself: |
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oh man! that was amazing ub! you've done it again! wow! standing "o"! |
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:::::::::applause::::::::: :oD |
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Nah, you have enough now. (Halfbakery: Culture just wasn't full enough for me to worry about breaking it up.) |
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Thank you Peter. I knew you would find a way. I think you should open a Searchitsu dojo. You could coach the Olympic team in freestyle netsearch, not to mention vaguely related association, though this one is on the money. |
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Well, I was sitting here singing to myself as I read, as I imagine (and hope) that most of you did before reading the annotations, playing drums on my desk as I sang, and I sang all the way through the whole thing, playing and making rhythmic thumpings, and everything was going very well indeed, and I was highly amused. But then... THEN, I get to the bottom and see Peter's link! Gentlemen, I applaud you both, for your combined efforts actually made grab my chest cross-armed, middle fingers dutifully placed carefully, albeit hastily, as in reflex, over each nipple, and roar a laugh that shook the entire room, and I *almost* *literally* fell out of my chair. Very, very, very nice job. The part that really killed me was just how I read the words "baked", "rubber dog toys", "rubber mangos", and "PeterSealy" in just that order, all in a blink, the juxtapositioning of the related gestalts, and the near-instantaneous recollection of the request in the very song that I had just performed for myself. wheee-hew! I don't smoke, but I feel like I need a cigarette after laughing so hard. |
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We're not worthy....we're not worthy.....
I think this knocks the half-bakery Song into a cocked hat though. I'd be voting for singing this one at the Half-bakery convention instead... |
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waugs, Faroukh Bulsara sounds more like some sort of exotic Middle Eastern loaf, doesn't it? |
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This is the second single released from the new 1/2B album, which will be entitled ... |
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Crumbs?
Making a Crust?
Bread upon the Quarters?
The Meaning of Halflife?
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Have at it, ladies and gentlemen. A free copy of the CD for the winner. Judging of the competition is to be performed by none other than the Commissar-General of the halfbakery, jutta. This is because she gets to make all of the decisions around here. |
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But surely UnaBubba, you'll need some more tracks for the first album? How about:
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The Number of the Yeast (Iron Maiden)
Ficelle (The Beatles)
Ciabbatta You Bet (The Who)
Lovely Danish (Bill Withers)
This Jam Tart of Mine (The Isley Brothers)
Rise (Herbie Hancock)
Little Red Baguette (Prince)
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"never mind the croissants, here's the halfbakers!" |
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Pitta-Panther-Patter
Half of the Rising Sun
Pizza the Action
Anything by David Gates. |
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[goff], the tracks are written. I will release them to the schedule recommended by my agent. I just need a suitably halfbaked name for the album. |
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Well I'll work on that one. I hope it will contain a cover of that great Beatles Sgt Pepper Classic, though, "A Dough in the Loaf".
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(Must say Ieven tickled ,my own funny bone with Little Red Baguette"....) |
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and for some Jethro Tull (ok so they're *my* favorite band...): |
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Loafing in the Past
Too Old for Pastry Rolls, Too Young for Pie
Underground Locomotive Party Breath
Pedant in the Gallery
(and you can throw in straight-up -- for Susen -- Heavy Horses) |
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UB, for the title of the CD, could you call it "A Halfbaker's Dozen" and include 6.5 songs? |
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Excellent idea BX. I think we have a winner. I'll submit your suggestion to the other Queen, jutta. |
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We can't forget the Barenaked Ladies in the collection of HB covers. The band would love the idea, but you'd run the risk of them doing it themselves. They're already halfway there, what with "It's All Been [Baked] Before", "Pinch Me", and of course, "One Week": |
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It's been one week since you baked for me
Turned the oven off, and said 'I'm angry'
Five days since you laughed at me, saying
"'You're' is a contraction, spell it correctly'
Three days since I was egnorized
Tried to flame him back, but I was tongue-tied
Yesterday you croissanted me
But I'm still convinced your banter's beyond me
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I guess I missed this on Headbakers Ball. |
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Can't believe I missed this one... |
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HOLD ON!!! Who fishboned this?? |
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(I apologise for multiple use of '!' and '?'. This is the one thing that really cannot be voted down.) |
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1percent, you have unwittingly set me a challenge with your "1 week" start. I hereby promise to have the rest of the lyrics on 1/2B by this time next week. |
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On a dark desert highway
Cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of bagels
Rising up through the air |
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Up ahead in the distance
I saw a strange little site
My head grew heavy, and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night |
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I chose my user name and
I saw the ideas there
And I was thinking to myself
This could be Heaven or this could be Hell
Then they voted up my idea
And they showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor
I thought I heard them say |
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Welcome to the Hotel Halfbakery
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely place
Plenty of room at the Hotel Halfbakery
Any time of year
You can find me here |
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And now mind is twisted
It seems it never ends
I’ve got a lot of pretty, pretty posts
I calls friends
How they posts those comments
But I’m not top ten yet
Some post to remember
Some post to forget |
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So I called up the PeterSealy
Please don’t use your line He said
I’ve been marking ideas “baked”
since 1969
And still those voices are calling from
far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say |
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Welcome to the Hotel Halfbakery
Such a lovely Place, Such a lovely place
They're livin' it up at the Hotel Halfbakery
What a nice surprise, Bring your alibies |
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Mirrors on the ceiling
Depict champaign on ice And UnaBubba said
We are all just prisoners here
Of our own device
And in the waugsqueke's chambers
We gathered for the feast
We try our best to leave the site
But they just can't kill the beast |
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Last thing I remember
I was running for the door
I had to find the passage back
to the place I was before
Relax said jutta, We are
programed to receive
You can check out any time you like
But you can never leave |
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::::::::::applause:::::::::: |
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That really should be a separate idea... then I would have noticed it earlier and I would be able to vote for it... |
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I'll never be e-famous because my name doesn' t rhyme with anything. [sighs] |
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Release an album, "Bobbit, Unsutured". Then it will. |
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Or “Slobbering Smoocher” (no reference to Bobbit film implied). |
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Yours is easy, try rhyming something with 'Shz'. |
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BTW [UB] – a belated crumb is blowing in your general direction. |
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Surely any "Songs in the Key of 1/2B" album would have to include a "House of Pain" cover? |
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Other possible songs:
Are you gonna dough my way? (Lenny Kravitz)
One 'baker, one post, one idea (John Lee Hooker)
This brain don't stop (Elton John)
Oven your love (Transvision Vamp)
We're halving a party (Sam Cooke)
You can leave your (tall, white) hat on (Tom Jones)
Come rye with me (Frank Sinatra) |
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//So, are there other categories where valid ideas are not necessary?//
“halfbakery: song n-z" |
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YES YES YES!!! I love it!!! |
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Just to pop this one up the list so no one gets carried away and does it again ... |
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I notice, [UnaBubba], that [harderthanjesus] wasn't the first guy to suggest an hb album, you were. I also notice: |
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- You spoke (maybe in jest) about releasing an album
- You have penned more hb songs than anyone else (possibly more than everyone else)
- You seem to have a broad knowledge of music and a good ear for a pastiche |
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How long are you going to keep writing this stuff without doing a recording? Go on, don't put it off any longer. Sing us your favourite and link it into "The Best Halfbakery Album In The World...Ever!". It is your destiny. |
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The answer is simple: I was kicked out of the school choir for fraud. I couldn't sing in tune if it would save me from a firing squad. My singing voice is like a power saw cutting an empty oil drum in half, in a public toilet block. |
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I don't mind writing parodies, but I have no intention of being the cause of anyone's industrial deafness. |
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Bugger. Oh well, you have made your contribution already. |
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Just heard Bohemian Rhapsody on the radio. Looked this one up and sang along. Now, I have to go... to apply dressings to my wife's bleeding eardrums. |
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++ put these croissants on your wife's ears. |
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<jealousy oozing from every pore> Pfff! <j.o.f.e.p.> |
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UB, either your mind works much faster than mine or you have way more time on your hands that I do. |
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Loverly... just loverly... |
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My mind works way faster than mine does. |
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::::::::::applause:::::::::: |
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