h a l f b a k e r y
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You are speeding, as usual. But this time, damn if Queens of the Stone Age didn't come on, just demanding excessive volume, right when a cop shows up. So you don't hear the radar detector beeping.
No problem. Your Dodge Charger (or other wide-interior muscle car) is equipped with the Carjack Victim
Ticket Avoidance system.
You pull over in response to the flashing lights. But then, at the push of a button, the center console between the front bucket seats, as well as the rear bench seat, open up to a long tube under the chassis. You slide in quickly, pull the lever, and the apparatus closes back up, completely hiding you under the car body.
You lie back flat in the tube and reach over your head. There is a handle attached to a cable. The cable extends to the huge trunk all the way to the back and into the trunk hood. Just inside the back, the cable is attached to a winch. You grab the handle and activate the winch and it pulls you into the trunk. Don't worry that you will get your shirt torn and filthy - it will look authentic. A little light illuminates some duct tape with which you quickly tape your mouth. Obviously, if you can get some around your hands, too - this is even better. But you will need the delux model that comes with the automatic duct tape hand-cuffer for this (half-baked invention in itself?).
The cop approaches the vehicle and is flummoxed to see nobody inside. You begin pounding on the trunk hood, yelling "Help me! Help me!" from behind the tape mask.
When the cop pries the trunk open, you play the carjack victim to the hilt, asking the cop where the guy went. Make sure you describe him as looking very much like yourself. There is no way you are getting the ticket, and that cop is putting himself behind a desk for a while.
Short name, e.g., Bob's Coffee
Destination URL.
E.g., http://www.coffee.com/
Description (displayed with the short name and URL.)
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Well, it's amusing, and I do like my QSA CD. |
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But I just bought the car, and having the trunk pried open would sadden me. |
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In your scenario, you've been *kidnapped*, not carjacked. Carjackers will throw your ass out of the car (at least that's what I always do - who needs a felony conviction?). |
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And what do you say when the cops ask you to identify your assailant? |
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I say he's about my height, balding, blonde hair, quirkily handsome to be perfectly frank... looks quite similar to me, actually. |
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Kidnapping, you say? That's good to know. Of course, if I say I was "carjacked", and the cop knew that the proper term is "kidnapped", then all the more would he believe me, me knowing so little about the subject. |
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You need a hidden mechanism that will
remotely open the passenger side
door (and I mean open, not just unlock)
at the same time that you push the
button to open up the tube. This will
add to the illusion that the driver has
done
a runner. |
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Should the cops get a brief glimpse of
you through the
rear
window while you're crossing over
between the seats to get into the tube,
it will only further serve to convince
them that it was the driver they just saw
making it for the passenger door. |
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That's good, too, [boys...], but I kind of like making the cop think he saw a ghost. |
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Not certain how I'm going to package an escape tunnel into the car and avoid the propshaft, but bun anyway. |
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