h a l f b a k e r y
What's a nice idea like yours doing in a place like this?
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Check My Nipples
"Wow! She/He's just as excited about me as I am about him/her." | |
Roland sat, idly fingering his right nipple. He thought again about the luscious glimpse of creamy thigh he had seen today, at work. Louise would make a great wife or lover, he mused. If only she wasn't married to Hank The Tank!
Sure enough, the nipple immediately hardened, triggering the device,
which expanded the apparent size of both of his nipples to around an inch long and as stiff as boards.
Roland realised he had finally found a way to overcome that excruciating worry of how to tell someone you really liked them, without having to stutter through some lame excuse about going out to dinner with them.
Relying on the skin's galvanic responses and increased conductivity during sexual arousal, as well as a few other cues like heart rate, the CMNs were reliable in about 95% of cases, now. All with a small processor and some skin probes.
Last thing to fix, Roland knew, was that pesky habit they had of "boning up" whenever Karl was around.
Short name, e.g., Bob's Coffee
Destination URL.
E.g., http://www.coffee.com/
Description (displayed with the short name and URL.)
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Last April Fools' Day, I was given a pair of these that flicked open and a flag saying 'Bang!' would pop out. |
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Nipples extending an inch? Damn, boy! What is he, a femmebot? |
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Something like that. I once had a girlfriend whose nipples did this whenever she sneezed. Very diconcerting on dry, windy days, apparently. They only popped up about 5/8 of an inch, even after the breast reduction surgery. |
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The point is, [Mach], that these nipples send a clear, unmistakable signal. An inch should do it, even with a fake nipple. |
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I think I'd be afraid of a man walking towards me with 1" extended nips. But it would create a whole new slew of "Are you hiding _______ under your shirt or are you just happy to see me?" quips. |
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Roland has engaged Madonna, to be company spokesperson. |
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I'm puzzled here. You want a
prosthesis which men can wear, which
can extend when they are sexually
aroused? This has been baked for some
hundreds of millions of years, no? |
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No, not from their nipples, it hasn't. At least not here in the Seattle area. |
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Gosh - I guess Seattle's a little out of
the way for evolution to have set in.
So, if not baked, at least
redundant. Unless poor old Roland has
a problem. |
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"They only popped up about 5/8 of an inch, even after the breast reduction surgery." |
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I can't get past the use of the word "only". |
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//I can't get past the use of the word "only".
There's any number of things that I can't get past. |
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At the check-in: "Oh, I need a larger bottle of saline than this. It isn't for soaking my contact lenses." |
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Using a device like this, I'd feel a right
tit. |
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It's all fun and games 'til someone loses an eye. |
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<James Hetfield>"Then it's still fun, but ya just can't see it!"</JH> |
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What's left to say, [IT]? |
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What happens if you go to meet your grandma on a cold day? Could be very embarrasing in a "American Pie" kinda way!!
Could also be dangerous for winter sports!!! |
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Hey, can we put LED's on the tips that blink asynchroniously upon hardening? And maybe a little jingle that plays, of the users choice and downloaded off of nipplemusic.com. My choice is "Candy Shop" by the talented Fifty Cents. |
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