h a l f b a k e r y
Is it soup yet?
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He sat up in bed and unboxed his beauty,
A powered-by-battery, vulcanized bootie.
Stroking each velvety soft latex limb
From its reservoir tip to its rotary rim,
He admired its fine figure, hardly obscene,
Lubricated and painted a lush evergreen.
Stretching and pulling, his fingers
in a blur,
He quickly erected the pointy penile fir.
A switch twixt two balls, he turned on with a grin,
Making it tingle and jingle, shimmer and spin.
Under each tiny branch, faux-covered in snow,
Hid a led, blue blinking or with steady red glow.
Twinkling and turning like a lighthouse in fog,
It made him quite merry, his rubbered Yule log.
Then Santa said, “Ms. Claus, wake up and see,
My uncommonly comely condom Christmas tree!”
[link]
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Sorry, 145 words will have to do. |
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Oh my...But what about the elves? |
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They'll have to do it them elves. |
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Ahhhh, we're off to a great start for the holidays. |
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Christmas wrapping for your package? Seems pricy for a one-time-use item. Please tell me it's a one-time-use item. |
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Once only, one for the road, on the night before Christmas. |
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Reminds me of a joke I heard in kindergarten; "Know why Santa has such big balls? You would too if you only came once a year". Sorry, blame it on my older brother. |
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I can't believe someone has boned Santa Claus. UB^) |
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Just a thought... Is there a squirrel in it, somewhere? |
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Just a couple of chipmunks. |
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tripple? three shots of Ripple... |
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anyway, I'm all for romantic adventure, but I think this tree thing would be very painful. |
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That would be a tripple [sic] tipple? |
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Great nog. I'm wicked buzzed. |
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A Trippel Sec (sic) (Hic!) tipple! |
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Make mine a triple salko; no ice. |
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