Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Christmas Contraception Contraption

It swivels and sparkles and plays songs of the season.
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He sat up in bed and unboxed his beauty,
A powered-by-battery, vulcanized bootie.
Stroking each velvety soft latex limb
From its reservoir tip to its rotary rim,
He admired its fine figure, hardly obscene,
Lubricated and painted a lush evergreen.
Stretching and pulling, his fingers in a blur,
He quickly erected the pointy penile fir.
A switch twixt two balls, he turned on with a grin,
Making it tingle and jingle, shimmer and spin.
Under each tiny branch, faux-covered in snow,
Hid a led, blue blinking or with steady red glow.
Twinkling and turning like a lighthouse in fog,
It made him quite merry, his rubbered Yule log.
Then Santa said, “Ms. Claus, wake up and see,
My uncommonly comely condom Christmas tree!”
FarmerJohn, Nov 17 2004

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       Draw a picture.
skinflaps, Nov 17 2004
  

       Sorry, 145 words will have to do.
FarmerJohn, Nov 17 2004
  

       Oh my...But what about the elves?
blissmiss, Nov 17 2004
  

       They'll have to do it them elves.
FarmerJohn, Nov 17 2004
  

       Ahhhh, we're off to a great start for the holidays.
Machiavelli, Nov 17 2004
  

       Christmas wrapping for your package? Seems pricy for a one-time-use item. Please tell me it's a one-time-use item.
Worldgineer, Nov 17 2004
  

       Once only, one for the road, on the night before Christmas.
FarmerJohn, Nov 17 2004
  

       Wha, no mistletoe?   

       Reminds me of a joke I heard in kindergarten; "Know why Santa has such big balls? You would too if you only came once a year". Sorry, blame it on my older brother.
blissmiss, Nov 17 2004
  

       Just a couple of chipmunks.
FarmerJohn, Nov 18 2004
  

       tripple? three shots of Ripple...   

       anyway, I'm all for romantic adventure, but I think this tree thing would be very painful.
dentworth, Nov 18 2004
  

       Great nog. I'm wicked buzzed.
Machiavelli, Nov 18 2004
  

       A Trippel Sec (sic) (Hic!) tipple!
gnomethang, Nov 18 2004
  

       Make mine a triple salko; no ice.
angel, Nov 18 2004
  
      
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