Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Condiment-dispensing Hat

Somewhat similar to the ones that dispense beer, but with more options and uses.
  (+4, -1)
(+4, -1)
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against]

Mustard
Ketchup
Barbecue
Horseradish
Chilli
Soy
Salt
Pepper
Romesco
Hollandaise
Bearnaise
Mayonnaise
etc.

No longer need you rely upon the potentially Salmonella- laced sauces provided at your local greasy spoon / cafe / sporting venue.

infidel, Dec 29 2011

Accessorize with: Fishties
[mouseposture, Dec 29 2011]

Ah, here it is.... Condiment-dispensing_20Hat
[+] Okay, nevermind; I have however seen "Mexican" restaurants with condiment-laden sombreros as centerpieces. [FlyingToaster, Dec 29 2011]

http://wiki.lspace....um_Ridcully%27s_Hat [not_morrison_rm, Dec 30 2011]

Condiment Filled Eye Patch Condiment_20Filled_20Eye_20Patch
An earlier variant of this idea, which wasn't all that warmly received at the time. (Admittedly it's evolved a bit from its original form.) [Wrongfellow, Dec 30 2011]

[link]






       Infinitely practical, [infidel]! And don't forget to mention its defensive capabilities in case you're being chased by murderous thugs, black cloaked villains, or missionaries -- a quick and well placed shot of Chinese mustard and pepper will keep them distracted long enough for you to dash into the local pub for rest and refreshment before heading out again! [+]
Grogster, Dec 29 2011
  

       Perhaps a whole wardrobe, each garment dispensing a different condiment.
pocmloc, Dec 29 2011
  

       sorry I don't have time to check, but I'm positive we have one of these [edit: well we do now]
FlyingToaster, Dec 29 2011
  

       <hook emerges from wings and drags [bigsleep] offstage>
8th of 7, Dec 29 2011
  

       Oops! I just snorted wasabi through my nose.   

       <note to self> Stick to coffee whilst reading the HB
infidel, Dec 29 2011
  

       I can't help but notice the omission of kimchi from your list of condiments. Personally, I would relish the opportunity to walk around wearing a hat filled with fermented chum.
Alterother, Dec 30 2011
  

       ....does turn up (sort of) in a Terry Pratchett story, in the Arch-chancellor's hat I believe, but then again, everything turns up in one of those, sooner or later.
not_morrison_rm, Dec 30 2011
  

       It's under etc, [Alter], along with Tahini, Yoghurt & Garlic, Hommous, Sambal Oelek and about 5000 other sauces.   

       Having said that, I consider Kimchi a salad rather than a condiment, though the Koreans would disagree with me. I've watched them put it on spaghetti bolognaise that I made for them.
infidel, Dec 30 2011
  

       ..and if it breaks? What is that new scent and colour to your hair? Mustard?
xandram, Dec 30 2011
  

       That's why we added a shampoo to the cruet set, [xandram].   

       Yes, there, those tall things in the middle of the table. That's 'S' for shampoo and 'P' for conditioner. You may need a bigger finger bowl.   

       [edit] Hmm... That came out nastier than I intended. Sorry.
pertinax, Dec 30 2011
  

       I guess I thought kimchi was a condiment because the only Koreans I know put it on _everything_, but I am fully aware that the North Korean expatriat population of Lewiston, Maine (site of quite a few refugee communities, for some reason) is not representative of the Korean demographic as a whole, and also because the only kimchi available in a region so far from its nation of origin is a cheap, mass- produced paste that I can only assume is as revolting as the genuine article.
Alterother, Dec 30 2011
  

       They probably put it on everything to drown out the local spices.
FlyingToaster, Dec 30 2011
  

       Maine has no local spices, although, as we are but simple, filthy, uneducated, and superstitious club-wielding primitives, we have been known to sprinkle powdered moose shit on our breakfast cereal. It drives away the foul humoures and entices the spirit of the flame to warm our bodies when the gods of winter unleash thier frozen fury.
Alterother, Dec 30 2011
  

       so what I said then...   

       You put moose-shit on *breakfast cereal* ? How gauche.
FlyingToaster, Dec 30 2011
  

       Why, what do you put it on?
Alterother, Dec 30 2011
  

       nothing before noon, that's certain. Who wants to fight horseflies for food first thing in the morning ?
FlyingToaster, Dec 30 2011
  

       Why not just piss on your cereal, [Alter]? It would improve the flavour of most of those sickly sweet concoctions USians eat for breakfast.
infidel, Dec 30 2011
  

       Thanks for the tip.
Alterother, Dec 30 2011
  

       The best idea since "every liquid I need gloves".
rcarty, Dec 30 2011
  

       //I guess I thought kimchi was a condiment because the only Koreans I know put it on _everything_//   

       One year in Pusan, South Korea. Yes, they do it on everything. And then there was the mayonnaise on the pizzas..different country, different ways.
not_morrison_rm, Dec 31 2011
  
      
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