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Condom Gun

 Ring The Gack
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Naked, Roland stood stock still, then pulled the lanyard gently with his left hand. "Phut!" went the contraption. A projectile shot across the room, impaling itself on a protuberance of Roland's unremarkable anatomy.

Roland leapt into the air with joy as he felt the warm, smooth embrace of the prophylactic enclose him; savoured the gentle sensation of tightness as the successive rings of bearings smoothed the closed latex tube over his turgid flesh. The sabot slipped off and fell to the floor, ready for reuse.

At last! It was ready! Roland's head filled with dreams of greatness as he quickly dressed and loaded the Condomatic into a violin case, preparatory to visiting a patent attorney he knew. In a society obsessed with guns this one was sure to be a winner.

—UnaBubba, Mar 01 2004

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       Yee haaa! Where's that woman? (woops no sex tonight, she caught me on the halfbakery again)
—oxen crossing, Mar 01 2004
   

       Halfbakery as contraceptive? Good idea.   

       Annie, get your gun!
—UnaBubba, Mar 01 2004
   

       [ Condomatic ] ? In some states there may be restrictions on how many charges the gun may hold.   

       And the old timers will want muzzle loaders.
—normzone, Mar 02 2004
   

       Semi-automatic only. Maximum of 8 rounds, Brownring Hi-Power.
—UnaBubba, Mar 02 2004
   

       Groan.....or groin, whichever's more appropriate.
—normzone, Mar 02 2004
   

       Do you, Smith, take this Wesson to be your...
—UnaBubba, Mar 02 2004
   

       User Caution: If not properly loaded, device may go off half-cocked.   

       [ Also brings new meaning to holding a gun to someone's head, and sticking to your guns. ]
—normzone, Mar 02 2004
   

       Bang wham bam thank you ma'am.
—FarmerJohn, Mar 02 2004
   

       My warped mind imagined replacing the projectile with a lamb's tail ring.
—Helium, Mar 02 2004
   

       I once devised a marketing strategy for castration rings. We called them No-Nads.
—UnaBubba, Mar 02 2004
   

       //Roland's head filled with dreams of greatness as he quickly dressed and...//   

       Uh... did he, erm, undress first?
—Detly, Mar 02 2004
   

       He'd be right if it rained, too.
—Detly, Mar 02 2004
   

       That act may have as much satisfaction for some as the act it's designed for... It seems that if there were a way for the condomatic to shoot them out preheated... well that my cause some guys to forget about the gal. You know, just one more practice?
—no12pass, Mar 02 2004
   

       "I hope that's a gun in your pocket because I'm VERY pleased to see you..."   

       Shooting from the hip again, UB? Nice.
—lostdog, Mar 02 2004
   

       I don’t know. I go away for a week or so and return to this. How exactly does this 'shoot' across the room and find the target? I imagine arduous mathematical calculation and a heavy use of protractors and set squares. It might appeal to the maths geeks...just don't aim too low for God's sake. Ow!
—silverstormer, Mar 02 2004
   

       Careful where you point that thing.
—waugsqueke, Mar 02 2004
   

       If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times -- keep the weapons locked and away from the children
—theircompetitor, Mar 02 2004
   

       Careful with that prophylactic Eugene.   

       It'll put your one-eyed out.
—FarmerJohn, Mar 03 2004
   

       Having already posted here multiple times, I now stumble over this and think ................" condom gum ? "......
—normzone, Mar 03 2004
   

       but don't take it out in public or they will stick you in the dark   

       and you won't   

       come   

       back!
—Freefall, Mar 03 2004
   

       and the band plays on
—theircompetitor, Mar 03 2004
   

       [2 fries] I forgot what I said, and I've been deleted. But I will be anyway.   

       The idea reminds me of Adam Corolla's condom loader notion. Only with a long-range option.
—Eugene, Mar 03 2004
   

       [Freefall] - it's "stick you in the DOCK(S?)." :)
—Detly, Mar 03 2004
   


 

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