Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Dartboard 'O' Cheese

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< Hushed silence...> He lines up, and...

<thud sound>...Brie!

<thud sound>Wensleydale! < Audience gasps>

...and all he needs now for the 2018 championship is the Gorgonzola..

not_morrison_rm, Apr 10 2018

Cheese names https://www.cheese.com/triple-creme-brie/
Triple [DenholmRicshaw, Apr 10 2018]

More cheese https://www.cheese.com/double-gloucester/
Double Gloucester [DenholmRicshaw, Apr 10 2018]

[link]






       You’d get some idiot in america come along with a gun and fire bullets at some of the cheese. When asked what on earth they’re doing, they’d reply “Oh, just shooting the Bries”.
Ian Tindale, Apr 10 2018
  

       This is one of may all-time favourite cheese/darts combo ideas.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 10 2018
  

       It’s only April.
Ian Tindale, Apr 10 2018
  

       He needs triple creme brie and double gloucester to finish.
DenholmRicshaw, Apr 10 2018
  

       I camembert the tension
hippo, Apr 11 2018
  

       This is a great idea for a cheese sampler platter. Think about it, how do you eat cheese samples? On a toothpick.   

       So instead of darts, you have aerodynamic toothpicks. Take your shot, walk over and eat the sample you hit. As the game goes on and the cheese dwindles, you miss, you don't get any cheese. Just like in life.   

       Great lesson for the kids. "Bob was careful and planned his shot so he got the cheese. Karl was drunk and threw his toothbick in Mike's forehead so he is without cheese."   

       Although the idea of playing darts without being drunk is a bit fantastic, theoretically if a sober person played darts they'd probably fare better than everybody else, it's just never been tried.
doctorremulac3, Apr 11 2018
  

       //theoretically if a sober person played darts they'd probably fare better//   

       Ah, but no.   

       The changes alcohol makes to your brain chemistry means the keys your brain has in its damp squidgy little hands when it's sober will be the wrong ones to open the boxes it stored your darts playing skills in (this is also why you sometimes can't remember a really good night out).   

       It's down to brain chemistry & the way it stores memory, if you've only ever done something drunk you're often better at it drunk than sober   

       So the only way to test your theory is for someone to learn darts completely sober, &, as darts are played almost exclusively in pubs...   

       The obverse would be an interesting one to try though, teach someone to drive drunk & never let them behind the wheel sober then put them through the traffic cone obstacle course test first sober then drunk, it's predicted they'll kill fewer traffic cones while drunk than while sober if they've only ever driven drunk before, it's not a defense I'd like to try in court mind "but I've only ever driven drunk before m'lud, so I was being responsible drinking first, cos I'd have killed lots more pedestrians if I'd been sober see".
Skewed, Apr 11 2018
  

       //So instead of darts, you have aerodynamic toothpicks. Take your shot, walk over and eat the sample you hit// - what, no cube of pineapple?
hippo, Apr 11 2018
  

       That could be the bullseye.
doctorremulac3, Apr 11 2018
  

       Right then : so you need one dartboard for cheeses, another for libations.
FlyingToaster, Apr 11 2018
  

       If a dartboard is something you throw darts at, then a cheeseboard must be something you throw cheese at.
hippo, Apr 11 2018
  

       But how do you get the cheese to stick? unless it's like Quoits, the cheeseboard is flat on the ground & covered in spikes, you have to hit the spike with the score you want on it.
Skewed, Apr 11 2018
  

       Slightly concerned about what a blackboard is.
calum, Apr 11 2018
  

       "one hundred and ate-it" (probably not understood in the colonies) - crumb+
xenzag, Apr 11 2018
  

       I’ll look in the cupboard.
Ian Tindale, Apr 11 2018
  

       //Right then : so you need one dartboard for cheeses, another for libations//   

       I love the whole idea of a throwing based buffet.   

       The drinking game with the pingpong balls is already a thing.
doctorremulac3, Apr 11 2018
  

       1) In an extraordinarily rare moment of being practical, dart boards have lots of wire dividing the various bits. So, using the wires to hold the cheese/s on the board would work. Except the runny stuff. Or the Chobham armour, the one with the Limberger layers.   

       2) It's April 11th. Oh no, I am 29..again.   

       3) Which also means it's commemoration day for my great-great-uncle Colonel Spats O'NotMorrison. After the Punjab Campaign of '06, he was reduced to the ranks for querying his orders too often. The orders were only delivered verbally "seek and destroy". Not a lot of people know that.   

       I'm in condition today!
not_morrison_rm, Apr 11 2018
  

       //1)//   

       I was responding to [hippo]'s //a cheeseboard must be something you throw cheese at//.
Skewed, Apr 11 2018
  

       What about Swiss cheese, famous for its holes?   

       If your dart lands right in the middle of a hole, do you score more points, or less?
Wrongfellow, Apr 11 2018
  

       Maybe fewer, but definitely not less.
pertinax, Apr 11 2018
  

       //a cheeseboard must be something you throw cheese at//   

       So, is a surfboard something you throw breaking sea-waves at ?   

       If so, how ?   

       Is a whiteboard something you throw Nazis at ?   

       <activates anti-Godwin deflectors/>
8th of 7, Apr 11 2018
  

       What is it with cheese and puns? [+]
Voice, Apr 11 2018
  

       You could score less points, if, for example, hitting a hole enjoyed a penalty of reducing your overall score by one third.
pocmloc, Apr 11 2018
  

       //What is it with cheese and puns? [+]// cheese puns are a minefield - we must tread caerphilly
hippo, Apr 11 2018
  

       Quite so. No gouda'll come of it.   

       Bonus point for anyone who can name the country that produces the largest variety of cheeses.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 11 2018
  

       Germany.   

       // hitting a hole //   

       In a philosophical sense, it isn't possible to "hit" a hole, as a hole is an absence of anything. You can't hit (interact with) something that isn't there.
8th of 7, Apr 12 2018
  

       Nope.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 12 2018
  

       It's a feta-compli
DenholmRicshaw, Apr 12 2018
  

       You can hit nothing. A hole is nothing. Therefore...
FlyingToaster, Apr 13 2018
  

       France. Every square metre is une autre type de terroir; there's terroirs* everywheres. Even if Italy makes more variety, France wins due to classification scheme.   

       *No, not the small barky doglets.
Sgt Teacup, Apr 13 2018
  

       Nope.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 13 2018
  

       Bah.   

       Surprising, no 'terroir-ism' jokes either. Too obvious?   

       Can't be the US. Cheez Whiz and Velveeta don't count.
Sgt Teacup, Apr 13 2018
  

       Suppose the hole was filled with something hard and hittable?
pocmloc, Apr 13 2018
  

       Then it wouldn't be a hole any more would it & even if it was still a hole the thing you'd be hitting wouldn't be the hole would it, it'd be the something hard and hittable plugging the hole that you'd hit.
Skewed, Apr 13 2018
  

       Apparently Britain produces the greatest number of varieties of cheese per head of population.   

       Presumably we also have an abnormally high unemployment rate amongst statisticians.
Wrongfellow, Apr 13 2018
  

       head cheese ?
FlyingToaster, Apr 13 2018
  

       //Karl was drunk and threw his toothbick in Mike's forehead so he is without cheese.//

But has, instead, delicious brainsssss!
DrBob, Apr 13 2018
  

       You need a country with a large and wealthy population, a tolerance for lactose, and an appreciation of cheese. I'm guessing it's the US.
Voice, Apr 13 2018
  

       I’ve seen an American – they are large.
Ian Tindale, Apr 14 2018
  

       Britain isn't a country I don't think.
pocmloc, Apr 14 2018
  

       It isn’t.
Ian Tindale, Apr 14 2018
  

       He's just missed a semi-colon, [Ian]. We are of the opinion that the sentence should read "Britain isn't a country; I don't think."   

       Both statements are correct, although unrelated.
8th of 7, Apr 14 2018
  

       A comma would work, though I admit a semicolon perverts the intention nicely.
pertinax, Apr 14 2018
  

       “But what will the neighbours think?”
“Don’t worry, they won’t.”
Ian Tindale, Apr 15 2018
  

       // I admit a semicolon perverts /   

       "And with that admission, your Honour, we submit that the case of the People vs. [pertinax] is proven beyond reasonable doubt ... "   

       And don't you dare mention tentacles.
8th of 7, Apr 15 2018
  

       Is there such a procedure as a semicolonoscopy?
xenzag, Apr 15 2018
  

       //Karl was drunk and threw his toothbick in Mike's forehead so he is without cheese.//   

       Karl didn't improve over the night and remained persona non gratin.
bigsleep, Apr 15 2018
  
      
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