h a l f b a k e r ySee website for details.
add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, best, random
news, help, about, links, report a problem
browse anonymously,
or get an account
and write.
register,
|
|
|
A bulky coat, containing two dozen small fabric cages, each containing a highly trained, fierce chihuahua (They're vicious, fearless little buggers at the best of times).
The coat comes in a number of unisex sizes and fashion colours. All cages are fitted with easily removable absorbent liners
( i.e. pantyshields) to prevent "accidents" becoming "incidents".
No longer fear being mugged or raped. At the first sign of danger simply thumb the release tab on the chest of the jacket and 24 snarling, yapping, snapping dervishes pounce upon your would-be attacker, leaving him /her with hundreds of superficial puncture marks laced with dog spit.
Cheap to feed and they'll even keep you warm on cold, miserable night walks. Not recommended for cat lovers and people afeared of small mammals.
[link]
|
| |
How do they know which way to pounce? Why would they be angry with the mugger, and not the person who has imprisoned them in a coat? |
|
| |
Because they're trained specifically to protect you, you goose! Dogs do that shit, if you teach them right. |
|
| |
Two dozen fiercely loyal attack dogs at your disposal and all you can think of is that they'll be uncomfortable in cages designed specifically for their comfort, so they can be carried instead of having to walk on their tiny, little legs... |
|
| |
Please tell me you haven't told your kids that Santa Claus was shot down by your air force, for violating national airspace regulations and suspected of being a foreign combatant... then carted off to Guantanamo Bay because he was already wearing a red suit, so he was obviously an escapee of some sort? |
|
| |
"The Dogs of Disagreement" |
|
| |
Thank you. Noted and acknowledged. |
|
| |
I'd vote for reactive Chihuahua armour, where scrappy irritating yappy things are propelled by small (or indeed large) explosive charges to disrupt incoming projectiles. |
|
| |
But I would not vote for Chihuahua amour. |
|
| |
I was expecting armor *for* chihuahuas. This would be very
heavy. [-] |
|
| |
Oh, heavy, shmeavy. Chihuahuas only weigh a poofteenth apiece. Add helium. |
|
| |
The benefit may not be important in combatting gravity but it would certainly pay off in making the barks even higher, more irritating and hilarious to those who knew why. |
|
| |
I'd rather not armour the critters. I can't even bring myself to think of them as real dogs. Think of them as expendable, self-guided munitions. |
|
| |
I'm with you on the real dog thing. My other half has a little
ankle-biter that's half chihuahua, half pomeranian. Little thing's
worthless. Scared of the damn leash, for Christ's sake. she says
I'm mean for not taking it on walks with my dog, but the little
bastard starts yelping and shrieking in panic and terror
whenever I pull on the leash. Hell, it shrieks even there's no
tension on it. Just a spineless, cowardly thing that oddly enough
tries to get through the fence at our neighbor's pit bull. I don't
understand that little creature... |
|
| |
I used to be a repo agent. In my years in that august profession I was only once bitten by a dog... a chihuahua that came under a gate to get me. I kicked it away and it simply attacked again. |
|
| |
They're brave little mongrels, if nothing else. |
|
| |
//In my years in that august profession I was only once bitten by a dog//
If you'd worn your crinoline, it wouldn't have been able to get close enough to bite...say, that gives me an idea. |
|
| |
If I'd worn a crinoline, I would never have outrun the numerous Rottweilers, German Shepherds and Cattle Dogs that chased me with malicious intent. |
|
| |
Best moment was the wanker who wrote to the local newspaper's editor about how his dog, tied to his car, prevented the car from being repoed. We had left it there because we didn't want to have to look after the bloody mutt. |
|
| |
The next day, we took both dog and car, writing a letter to the editor asking what the dog's favourte food might be and suggesting the owner come and pay to pick up both car and dog. |
|
| |
//If I'd worn a crinoline, I would never have outrun the numerous Rottweilers, German Shepherds and Cattle Dogs that chased me with malicious intent.//
<this space reserved for future "running of the bulls" one-liner> |
|
| |