h a l f b a k e r yTempus fudge-it.
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Sponsored by Gordon's, Drunk Tennis is very similar to ordinary tennis apart from one difference, which you will already have guessed.
Before walking on court, players are required to have a blood alcohol level (as estimated by a breathalometer) of >0.2%. The rules on profanity are less stringent
than in normal tennis, but otherwise everything is the same.
Obviously, the franchise can be expanded to include cricket and golf, but probably not Formula 1. Well, OK, maybe.
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This scheme could easily be extended to many otherwise dull Olympic events. [+] |
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Boxing, for instance, would take place not in a conventional ring, but on a stage set up to look like the street corner outside a pub, complete with a single lamp-post illuminating the scene, which may substitute for one of the protagonists if required. |
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Most aquatic events would probably be unsuitable, although sailing might be possible. |
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Similarity, any event involving projectile weapon should probably be avoided. |
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Gymnastics would be hilarious, although the standard equipment should probably be replaced with the children's play area from a public park. |
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Feeding alcohol* to horses is a pointlessly cruel and demeaning trick, but very, very funny. [+] athough not as funny as a drunk cat**. |
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*Sweet cider's the stuff, they lap it up. |
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**Bailey's Irish Cream. A tablespoon is enough. WARNING: a full medical is recommended before indulging in such entertainment. Intoxicated cats may result in serious injury or death if viewed incorrectly*. Ask your doctor if laughing helplessly until you literally pass out from oxygen deprivation is right for you. |
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*Particularly if the intoxicated cat attempts to jump onto a sofa, but due to crossed eyes tries it from four metres away. As it reaches the top of the arc, it realises it isn't going to make it, and the legs start the actual Looney Tunes running-in-the-air thing, before it splats on the rug with legs spread to the compass points. And then yowls. |
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//Javelin?// No. Javelager? |
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My mustang would drink my homebrew but not store bought in the same Samuel Adams bottle. |
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In the same way that drunk tennis might be an
interesting variation on tennis, an interesting
variation on darts might be "sober darts" |
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I detest tennis. A game for idiots. (like most games
involving flying projectiles) Why don't they play it with nice
round granite rocks, giant cudgels and shields on a rubber
court? This idea would be called Rock Tennis. |
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Leave out the shields and add some edged weapons and we'll bun that. |
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Rubber gets very slippy when blood's spilt on it. You want a mixture of dry sand and sawdust. |
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Time travelling on slippery blood, that would be an
interesting experience. |
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