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Egg slicer

For those that demand perfection
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It is an acknowledged fact that it is almost impossible to slice a hard-boiled egg into two equal parts with exactly 50% of the yolk in each half.

Now, BorgCo researchers, after extensive research and development, have produced the first truly reliable egg slicer.

The hard-boiled egg, its shell having been removed, is placed pointy-end down in the suction cup. A vacuum then retains it in position as it is rotated around all three axes on a gimball system. Strain gauges in the gimbal pivots and in the suction cup mount allow exact profiling of the mass distribution of the egg. At the same time, a scanning laser generates an extremely accurate 3- D profile.

When the plane of partition has been determined, the egg is returned to the starting position and a sapphire-whisker cutting wire slices it into the desired equal portions.

The suction cup head is interchangeable, allowing eggs of all sizes to be sliced, from hummingbird up to ostrich.

Warning: do not operate faster than the stated speed, as this may cause detachment of the egg, inaccurate cutting, damage to the bearings, and opening a gravitational trans-dimensional gateway into a dark, unnatural realm of infinite evil from which there is no escape.

8th of 7, Aug 31 2012

Slice 'n' Dice http://youtu.be/x_6k2vUnJgc
NSFW! Reminded me of this, for some reason. [Klaatu, Aug 31 2012]

The prototype … http://4.bp.blogspo...orizon_10358880.png
Kind of like this, but in a worktop version. [8th of 7, Aug 31 2012]

these have been around for ages... http://www.google.c...0...1ac.xwBK8_GE-TI
Not as exciting as yours!! [xandram, Sep 01 2012]

Bordeaux http://www.thewinec...wine-vintage-chart/
I do like a decent claret [DenholmRicshaw, Sep 07 2012]

[link]






       Well that's quite an oeuf.   

       This will come in handy in my house, as it is my job to slice any good food into two, and my wife gets to pick the perceived larger piece. I have gotten quite accurate lately.
sqeaketh the wheel, Sep 01 2012
  

       What about if you want to cut it in 4?   

       Would it be possible to use centrifugal force to centre the yolk while boiling? Or perhaps targeted local application of heat could cook the white unevenly allowing the yolk to be centred that way?
pocmloc, Sep 01 2012
  

       Once the egg is bisected, cutting each half evenly is trivially easy since the position of the yolk is visible …
8th of 7, Sep 01 2012
  

       Why even cut the yolk; certainly not in preperation to be eaten, I'd assume? My understanding is that yolk is the very plaque of coronary arteries.   

       Instead a fine blade must be used to probe the egg until it reaches reaches the dense yolk. Then the blads is to be circumnavigated around the perimeter of the egg. Once this is accomplished the whites can be pulled apart and the orb of yolk can be removed for disposal.
rcarty, Sep 01 2012
  

       If you truly understand that, then you are sadly mistaken and the victim of pseudoscience, [rcarty]. If you must dispose of it, dispose of it in the direction of my dinnerplate, if you please.
pocmloc, Sep 01 2012
  

       I collect these, you cannot have any of them.
rcarty, Sep 01 2012
  

       Alternatively, place the hardboiled egg on a flat surface.   

       Wait until it stops rolling.   

       Slice vertically.   

       Gravity is interchangeable, allowing eggs of all sizes to be sliced, from hummingbird up to ostrich.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 01 2012
  

       Works better if the surface is level as well as flat.
pocmloc, Sep 02 2012
  

       Works better if the surface is level as well as flat, and isn't on a planet with a flippin' huge moon, or a small satellite that turns out to be part of a neutron star, or a binary star system, or a planet with the core that is prone to move and so move the centre of gravity....   

       I'm sure there is more....   

       Oh yeah, or a planet that's prone to being hit by fast-moving teeny black holes...
not_morrison_rm, Sep 02 2012
  

       The BorgCo Egg Slicer is independant of incident gravity fields, having an integrated tidal-force compensator, and will work perfectly even in free-fall.
8th of 7, Sep 02 2012
  

       Yes, until the battery runs out. I have been doing a little research, and it turns out that all BorgCo. products use triangular 1.77 volt batteries which are only available from...
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 02 2012
  

       <aside>   

       Four dozen of the Margaux '64 at your back door tomorrow morning if you shut up ...   

       </aside>
8th of 7, Sep 02 2012
  

       The '64? Oh dear oh dear. Travels well in microgravity, I expect.   

       Make it the '62 or the '70 and we might come to some arrangement.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 02 2012
  

       Yes, but they can be inserted in any one of six orientations, all but one of which will destroy the equipment. "Incorrect insertion of batteries voids warranty." It says that on a very small label on all BorgCo. products. Or perhaps it's on all Borg - I forget.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 02 2012
  

       Alright, alright, six dozen of the '62, just enough with the batteries already ...   

       All your Green Triangle are belong to us …   

       (We dread the day that Earthlings discover that Toblerone can be broken down into individual units and still be plug-compatible …)
8th of 7, Sep 02 2012
  

       You're on. Ship to the same address that those DVDs went to.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 02 2012
  

       //those DVDs went to.   

       What dvd's? At a very wild guess the dialogue (such as it is) goes something like this.."Oh honey, yes, yes, assimilate me now, you know how I like it"...
not_morrison_rm, Sep 04 2012
  

       I have much trouble halving the breakfast Ostrich egg. Makes one hell of a mess on the chainsaw. Do you think it would be better to cook it first?
Lesser Spotted Kiwi, Sep 07 2012
  

       //Well that's quite an oeuf//   

       Quite an oeuf indeed.
Lesser Spotted Kiwi, Sep 07 2012
  

       // Do you think it would be better to cook it first? //   

       Definitely not. Chainsaws that have been cooked consistently exhibit poorer overall performance compared to raw ones.
8th of 7, Sep 07 2012
  

       The Texas Ostrich Egg, Master Chainsaw Massacre Cook Off. With Gordon Ratschit. 7.30 Tomorrow night on TV!
Lesser Spotted Kiwi, Sep 07 2012
  

       The '61 surely - see link
DenholmRicshaw, Sep 07 2012
  
      
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