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Riding in elevators seems to be the one thing that most humans find stressful. They look at the ceiling, the buttons, the lights, their fingernails, the floor... just about anything to avoid acknowledging their fellow travellers.
Now, coming to an elevator near you, Elevator Birds! Small, inoffensive
birds that chortle and whistle and sing. Parrots and canaries that will gladly hold the same two or three word conversation with anyone and everyone, a thousand times a day.
Arrive at your building for work, get into the elevator and Polly says," Morning! Welcome to you!" She sits on a perch in the corner, ready to be patted gently by the adventurous.
Get into another lift and be serenaded by a happy songbird, all of the way to the ground. By way of thanks, you can opt to feed the little guy a small portion of birdseed.
In certain lifts (usually express to the top floor) you may find a majestic eagle, steely of eye and powerful of claw.
If your building manager is really lavish, you get an African Grey with an 800-word vocabulary.
A small fee paid by each tenant looks after cleaning, vet care to ensure they are free of any harmful pathogens and diseases, and a steady supply of food and water for the birds.
On weekends, they get to fly about in the big flying run on the rooftop.
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I feel deceived now.
Why did you hide
behind another persona, then re-emerge
only to delete all the annotations? |
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I was uncertain whether I wanted to come back at all. The [custard] account was something of a trial run, allowing me a week to look in and decide whether I wanted the attenton that the return of [UnaBubba] would create. Fortunately, I found a core of thoughtful bakers still here, including yourself and a number of memorable others. |
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When I decided to return properly I had removed all of the ideas but one before I realised I could have asked [jutta] to combine the two accounts under the one name. This idea was one of those removed. |
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Sorry about that. My apology for the inconvenience. |
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ah - it's ok - glad you're back + |
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Maybe canaries could be employed to detect who cracked off that last really nasty one in the sky-lounge express. |
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"Cheep cheep....squwauk.awk.... flutter.......thud." |
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"Security.....security..... gate 26.... we have a containment failure ....... male passenger, grey jacket, jeans, black sports bag, eating a curried sprout omlette with baked beans on the side....." |
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As I said before, when I "chortle and whistle and sing" in an elevator, it seems to disturb folks. Every damn time. |
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[custard]? Well, that explains a few things. |
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[+] Could canaries also be used to detect unsafe levels of methane gas in elevator cars? |
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Well, I suppose we could teach a Pacific Raven or an African Grey to dob in the identity of the Phantom Farter. |
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Or just teach them to react to the presence of any large man with facial hair. Oh, wait, that'd be me. |
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(elevator doors open, sees [bacon] and a cage filled with dead birds) I'll wait for the next one. |
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Canary in a coal mine. Police, 1980? |
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Personally birds scare/annoy the %#$* out of me, so I'd say no. My sister had a parakete that used to dive bomb my head and the one time she convinced me to let him land on my shoulder, he bit me and drew blood. I however have a cat who would really appreciate that the elevator is now a dining car. |
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and [Worldgineer] you killed me. "I'll wait for the next one". |
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Since this is posted under health: mental, I misconstrued the title totally. That said. |
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I can't stand crickets. The little bastards hide in tiny spaces and tease you day and night with their insane chirpiness. |
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I don't like birds, don't like elevators. But your attempt to make my ride less stressful gets you a bun. Bubba wanta cracker? |
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I recently had the pleasure of having to lie motionless, staring at the ceiling, for 45 minutes while having an MRI.
The machine makes some sounds that get a little tiring, such as a repeating knocking and some chirping and squeaking.
It’s not easy to lay completely still for 45 minutes, especially while in pain but I got through it by imaging that the sounds were birds and that I was floating down stream in a river through a tropical forest.
I remember thinking that it would be nice if there had been some real birds overhead to blend in and help cover some of the mechanical noises. It would have made it much easier for me to have had some tropical birds up there to look at too. Maybe your elevator birds could help out in the MRI room also. The distraction could help pass the 45 minutes, they seem like hours.
In an elevator I might prefer an aquarium full of sea life to watch, but birds could be helpful in passing the time. |
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I had a brain scan once, but they didn't find anything. ;) |
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[+] bun - but I'd still like you to teach 'em mime, like the one I thought was your source. |
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[Ufos] brings up a wonderfully creative approach to the horror of MRIs. Combine the technology of this idea, (is there some?), with that bathtub fishbowl idea someone had a long time ago, and you might just have invented the first MRI tube that I would actually be able to crawl into. (And not have a full blown panic attack). |
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I've been struggling to bun this, because I like it as a concept. I love birds, but I prefer them in the wild. However, I might just be chauvinistic enough to tolerate caging the poor little tweeters just to make fourteen seconds of my day a little more pleasant. |
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No, I'm not. Bone gets the square. |
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I remember the days when there were elevator attendents. They were usually verrry old and had no teeth. |
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Also you could actually see the cheesy walls inside the tube too. NOW THAT' WAS SCARY!!! |
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These ones have no teeth, [bliss]. It's OK. |
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Perhaps elevator spiders? You know, for exercise. |
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That would be exorcise, for [blissy]. |
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That's what I meant. She'd take the stairs. |
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Yeah, so the spiders couldn't climb up 'em. |
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Most humans find riding in an elevator to be stressful? Or did you mean to say "some humans". |
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Most. Get into one with 15 people and watch their body language. They're not happy. |
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15 people and an unabubba does not leave a great deal of space left over generally. |
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