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Elijah Eye Gloss
Translucent viscous fluid for that heart-rending look of naive despair. | |
- Are you an actor with Dry Eye
Syndrome?
- Trying to get the rest of the day off
work by proclaiming sleep deprivation?
- Have you ever pretended to be Indiana
Jones and accidentally ripped your
parents' chandelier out of the ceiling only
to be severely punished for your
apparent
lack of remorse?
- Are you attempting to woo a girl who is
attracted to "sensitive guys" by snuggling
up to watch Titanic but you are quite
adamant that it is the worst film you
have ever had the misfortune of
witnessing?
Presenting new Elijah Eye Gloss! Enlarge
your eyes for all manner of purposes;
Make that special someone love you
again! Get out of trouble! Deliver a gut-
wrenching stage performance! Safe-
guard the ring! Or just plain Skive!
Apply the Elijah Eye Gloss as you would
varnish upon nails. Gently paint the eye
with our delicate brush, starting from the
retina and working your way out. Leaves
a long lasting polished sheen that will
wow your fellow eye-beholders!
Actual results*:
FACT: "He's so caring! Look how he's so
close to tears as he removes those
kittens from the microwave."
FACT: "My God Larry! I've never seen a
performance of Me and My Girl quite like
it! I'm giving you an oscar!"
FACT: "Don't worry about it Sarah, you
look shattered. Best go home and have a
rest, eh love?"
FACT: "Oh don't cry! It's only a
chandelier! We can always buy a new
one, but we can't buy a new you..."
*These results are entirely fabricated and
should at no point be taken as fact.
(Disclaimer: This product is in no way
endorsed by Elijah Wood, nor is he aware
of its existence. May cause hair sprouting
on feet, stunting growth, uncontrollable
lust for jewellery, and, with extended use
over time, Golemness.)
Kryolan, the make-up of make-up artists.
http://www.fxsupply...atalog/special.html
No eye glaze, but they do have something called a 'Menthol Tear Stick', not to mention 'Faux Pus' and 'Faux Mucus', among other things. [zen_tom, Oct 12 2006]
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Annotation:
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It's enough to make me weep jellied milk tears. |
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Finally, a use for the word nlossom. Welcome to the hb [theleopard]! |
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Indeed [tom];
"Jeremy! You don't look nearly weepish enough, go upstairs and nlossom your eyes at once." |
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I think actors use glycerine tears, which would be very similar to this. |
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And there will always be a seat for you at every Seder. |
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Can't you just spray yourself with Mace? |
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[phlish] Long time since I did Biology I guess... Is it cornea? Basically apply from the pupilly-type black bit in the middle and extend outwards in a spiral motion to aleviate problems with ungainly stripes and cross-hatches that are associated with bad paint jobs. |
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Er... [DrCurry], Mace hurts. All manner of acidic substances or pokey devices can create tears, the idea is to have an eyeball that looks as though it is on the brink of tear expulsion, but never actually expels. |
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Tear manufacture, my friend, is not my business. |
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So what does this have to do with Elijah
Wood or the Old Testament prophet? |
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Elijah Wood? Who is that? |
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whats wrong with peeling onions? |
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Faux Pus sounds like a car. |
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/So what does this have to do with Elijah Wood/ |
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Um, maybe the fact that he spent an entire triology carrying an expression of glossy-eyed concern. |
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I love it!! I was a bit lost trying to connect this to the biblical Elijah as well at first. But when they make a movie of Fifth Mountain and have Elijah play Elijah... I'm positive that they'll use your spreadable tears for all the almost-killed-by-Jezebel scenes. (+) |
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I cannot reiterate enough that this product will not induce tears. That's the beauty of it. It's all very well squeezing a lemon in to your eye or shaving your Cornea with a razor blade: tears aplenty. The idea is to create the impression of impending tears, the which has been wonderfully illustrated by [rcarty]'s link... |
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(Please note - Elijah never cries. He's a real man.) |
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I love the expression, "Glossy-eyed concern." |
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I was beginning to have some glossy eyed concern when we were to paint from the retina out, but thankfully that bit has been corrected. This is brilliant! |
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