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Emotive Furniture

Guests will love how much personality your living room has
 
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Simply put, furniture that responds emotionally to its environment and its owners. Each piece has a series of electronic devices that monitors things like temperature, time of day, usage patterns, etc. Then, based on a factory-set personality profile, it "behaves" intelligently and differently in various situations.

A child's bed might get lumpy after it's been jumped on. After the child apologizes by straightening the sheets, it sings the kid to sleep with a lullaby. A massage chair detects the tightness of your muscles and coos, "Baby, you're so <i>tense</i>, let me take care of you," then hits all the right spots. If it doesn't "hear" your moans of appreciation (by detecting the right sort of vibrations in your torso), it becomes passive-aggressive: "Well, if I'm not good enough for you, maybe you should just go hang out with the guys." The possibilities for mom & dad's bed are legion...

The furniture could be programmed with scalable, complex emotions (mildly annoyed... angry... incensed; surprised yet disappointed; apprehensive yet hopeful) that manifest themselves through equally scalable comfort adjustments or thousands of unique behaviors. The lullaby-singing bed and the caring yet needy massage chair above are two examples. There could be many more.
kevindimie, Sep 24 2003

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       nice. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
The Kat, Sep 24 2003
  

       I don't know that I would want a chair that could get it's feelings hurt. It could refuse to serve me by giving me a little shock if I forget to take my shoes off when I put my feet up.
Dagwood, Sep 24 2003
  

       During a drinking session, I'd like to hear a few bar jokes instantly as I place my Whisky glass on the armrest. I'd perhaps enjoy a proposition in a female voice too.
hurry_kay, Sep 25 2003
  

       When Chairs Fart Back.
thumbwax, Sep 25 2003
  

       "I go up," said the elevator, "or down." "Good," said Zaphod, "We're going up." "Or down," the elevator reminded him.   

       From the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
riskyrisk, Sep 25 2003
  

       It would be cute at first but I suspect I'd be hacking at the furniture with the nearest sharp implement within a day.
madradish, Sep 25 2003
  

       Didn't Disney do this sort of thing with Beauty and the Beast?
PeterSilly, Sep 25 2003
  

       Perhaps some more complex AI could be added to produce an psycho-analysing couch. Just lie back and let it ask you about your mother.
Seagull, Sep 25 2003
  

       This could be done with one of those little tamguchi AI thinggubers. Except if you neglected the lazy boy and it died, pining for your warm ass, it would be a mess to haul away.
bungston, Oct 14 2003
  
      
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