Competitor's first event would be swimming, in the form of a straight forward freestyle across a large pool of either Beaujolais or Burgundy from the legendary wine lakes of France. This would provide the perfect mental and physical incentive up for next event -The Swiss Cheese Troglodyte race. In this leg the participants would enter a building sized block of swiss cheese, by crawling in through the hole of their choice. Once inside they would be faced with the prospect of either eating or otherwise navigating the labyrinthian passageways, until they emerged ready for the final event.

The finale is to scale an escarpment of frozen beef, then toboggan down the other side, using a sledge they have had to fashion themselves by stitching together multiple strips of bacon rind. Marks would naturally be given for style and stamina. The winner gets to keep all the food. At least this way someone gets to use it.