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Coffee doesn't just taste good; there's an element of theatre, too. A good barista can make the mundane process of making a cup of coffee into an exciting production of skill and beauty.
At Extreme Baristas the artform has been honed to perfection.
The Barista (there can be only one perfectionist)
wears a costume of traditional garb that looks sorta like... nothing you can definitely put your finger on, at the moment.
Coffee is ground in a machine powered solely by steam and noise, it seems.
The water is heated over a wood fire and the coals dumped on the floor, along with any grounds. The Barista walks through these coals, barefoot, at regular intervals. Feet may be cooled in the pile of cooling, wet coffee grounds.
Utensils, cups, mugs, fresh beans, etc. hanging from the roof may only be reached with a 25 foot bounce from the instore trampoline.
If you choose then you can have coffee preprocessed by any one of a number of cat species (Look up Kopi Luwak, if you don't get the reference), present in the store. They don't bite but an 800lb tiger sitting on your lap is going to be exciting.
Your coffee is delivered to your table, amidst applause and admiration, by an assistant barista, sliding down special rails on a snowboard or a skateboard.
"Coffee is ground in a machine powered solely by steam"
http://www.halfbake...ed_20coffee-grinder
(Shameless self-promotion) [angel, Nov 11 2004]
- rista + tender
http://www.extremebartending.com
There's no tigers, but it's still impressive. [Cuit_au_Four, Nov 20 2006]
[link]
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You know, I'm having a hard time imagining this whole thing. If you could maybe post a link to a video of you doing all of the above I might have a better idea. <snicker> |
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Just how many cups have you had today [UB]? Full marks for heading off the 'Ninja Barista' idea which was undoubtedly brewing quietly somewhere on the HB stove. (+) |
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The other day I walked into a coffee shop and asked for a small black coffee. They looked at me like I were an idiot. Coffee is good, this makes it fun also [+]. Bet there's gonna be a hell of a queue though. |
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Do they use java kernels? |
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With all that commotion going on, i'd be surprised if there's any coffee left within the cup by the time it's delivered to your table. |
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Anyroad, mad enough for me to work - bun. |
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"traditional garb"- howbout Juan Baldez's hat. |
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this is probably the silliest thing you've ever come up with. I like it. + |
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Garb sounds like, latex shorts,and formfitted T-shirt, bare feet, although the bottoms are dark brown, and the hat must be held on with a chin strap. |
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So, a bellboy's hat? Or an umber fez? If we're going with the cycling shorts and fitted Tshirt then they should be in black, with a white logo:
E X T R E M E
S
P
R
E
S
S
O |
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Hat is surely very similar to a spanish toreador's. Latex shorts and tight T-shirt, definitely. Braces, I think. Occasional footwear made from old tyres. |
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Recently came across civet coffee (from Ethiopia - called something like kuwa lumbak, I forget). Extreme barista will require three or four civets climbing through the trelliswork which will adorn the entire shop. Coffee experience will therefore involve preventing civets from eating one's danish while trying to encourage them to eat raw coffee beans, which are placed on each table for exactly this purpose. |
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Well, you have your shop, I'll have mine. :-) + |
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Kopi Luwak is from Indonesia. It's made from beans passed through the digestive system of civet cats. There are no prizes for guessing how the beans are recovered. |
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With the civet cat now implicated in SARS transmission, I am thinking of starting a business creating all sorts of coffee brands based on various feline alimentary processing. 'Kopi Tigris' will be first. [UB] Can I sell it at your place, and can I have a tiger on the premises, crapping out our profits? |
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There is now a coffee made from a bean which is eaten by a weasel then vomited up. I am undecided as to whether this is preferable to the bean which is eaten then crapped out by a cat. |
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"Man, this coffee is good shit!"
"That's strong coffee. Mean as catshit."
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[CF], if you can get BCC to issue a licence for your new kitty then I'm game. |
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[UB] I shall contact Zeigfried and Roy forthwith. They have one particular animal that is available. |
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i thought this was extreme Barristers, |
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which conjured up some very funny
images. |
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[UB] I do believe that, through the clever use of punnery, [elfling] has solved your costume ambiguity. This would be a smash hit at the Inns of Court. |
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I saw that, and stayed away from it. Barristers are humourless pricks. it would be wasted on them. |
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Google said 'Your search - "barrister humour" - did not match any documents', so I guess you must be right. |
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I figured as much, [angel]. I've worked with them and their underlings, solicitors, for 15 years. Their idea of 'funny' is denying cripples their compensation payments. |
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I was envisioning something like Extreme Ironing but this is good too. |
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Smells like an exquisite idea. I see bandit types serving superb coffee with a flourish as they slide to a halt by your table, setting alight Spanish Flames and muttering darkly about not needing any "steenkin coyotes". |
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You know what? It seems that everyone is using the "shameless self-promotion" thing underneath links. And I came up with it. |
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No offense, but Google "shameless self promotion." It's a common phrase. You didn't come up with anything. But good luck in your future endeavors! |
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[DF], was that anno a little shameless self-promotion, on your part? |
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Sorry, DF, but I did a little searching on the HB itself - [Guncrazy] used the phrase on the idea "Piercing" on Nov 1st, 2001. Which was a bit before your time. |
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I'm waiting to see this at that Starbucks on the Elizabeth Street corner of the Myer Centre, ['Bubba}. Those escalators could come in handy for the skateboard stunt at the end of the process. |
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Perhaps the Baristi could race each other, to provide your coffee? You get two cups, one of the Baristi gets paid. |
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+ Ok, only if I can get my coffee cup myself...I love trampolines! (I also love delivering the crucial bun that takes this idea to the top!) |
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You know, I think of this idea every time I go into a coffee shop... which is pretty often. |
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Do you ever suggest it to the management? |
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Well they already have bartender competitions where they juggle the bottles and cups and stuff while mixing the drinks. Aside from learning how to use an espresso machine, I imagine skills would be transferrable. |
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I haven't ever bothered, [angel]. I doubt it would be appreciated by the bulk of caffeine junkies, twiatching and fiddling as they wait impatiently for their daily fix. |
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