h a l f b a k e r y
Please listen carefully, as our opinions have changed.
add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random
news, help, about, links, report a problem
or get an account
The field of opthalmics has made little real progress
the invention of eyeglasses. Yes, we have laser surgery
and yes, we have contact lenses, but no progress has
made in understanding why we lose our ability to change
focus as we get older, let alone in preventing it.
those of us who have reluctantly slipped past
age of 30something find ourselves forced to don reading
glasses to read, and then to doff them if again if we
to see into the distance. This can be a nuisance, for
example, when driving.
"Bifocals!" I hear you ejaculate. I shake a weary head
MaxVision, Inc., is pleased to announce the development
Eyelid Lenses. The installation surgery is quite straight
forward, entailing the simple punching of a 9mm hole in
the eyelid of each eye. Once the edges have healed,
the flexible and remarkably nonuncomfortable Eyelid
is affixed over the hole.
Ipso caldera! Now, with your eyes open, you can see all
those things in the distance (and there are many). With
your eyes closed, you can read the finest print.
Optional eyepatches are available for those who sleep in
an imperfectly dark bedroom.
||Why not sacrifice a nostril, drill a hole up near the sinus,
insert an eyepiece in the gorey cavity, a magnifying lens in
the nostril and peer through this modification as if your
nose has been transformed into a microsope?
||Because that would result in both monocularity and
||Do these cause ejaculations to be seen?
||I predict neck pain unless you want to go the wholly-transparent prosthetic eyelid route.
||//It's due to the hardening of the natural lens.
Aging also affects muscle fibers around the lens
making it harder for the eye to focus on up close
||Yes, and it's taken decades of research for people
to come up with theories which they can't agree
on. Did you know that it is not known whether
the muscles around the lens contract sphinctrally
to fatten it, or stretch radially to flatten it? That's
a fairly basic piece of information.
||Equally, insofar as lens hardening is a factor, it is
caused by well-understood cross-links between
the molecules of a single type of protein - it is
one of the simplest biological systems there is.
Yet utterly no progress whatsoever at all in the
least has been made in reversing the process.
||If opthalmology had advanced one tenth as fast as
most other fields of medicine, opticians would be
out of business. And that, right there, is your
||// predict kneck pain unless you want to go the
wholly-transparent prosthetic eyelid route.//
||But most reading and other close work takes place
within a relatively small arc. A 9mm hole allows a
3-4mm pupil to travel over quite a wide angle.
||Moreovermore, our initial team of volunteers have
reported that there is no need for eyepatches,
once you get into the habit of sleeping with your
eyes directed to one side.
||Why, you don't need a lens at all. Just the hole itself would magnify vision if it was the right diameter.
||Wouldn't it be impossible to open the eye lids at all if there
was a lens attached to them? Has the idea been fully
thought through? We are withholding funds until we see the
colour of the answer.
||// impossible to open the eye lids at all if there was
a lens attached to them?//
||//flexible and remarkably nonuncomfortable Eyelid
||//One word: ANTIOXIDANTS// Another word:
EQUINOX. I win because mine has a "Q" in it.
||//It's not really the simplest of biological
processes// Actually, if you read the paper in your
link, it is.
||I though the simplest biological process is dying?
||Presumably if the Presbyterian church used a larger font in their bibles, then incidence of presbyopia would decline?