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Fart Muffler Trousers

Release Your Gases Without The Embarrassment
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A pair of trousers with some foam-like substance in them to muffle farting sounds from your behind. Simple, yet ingenious. The smell isn't a problem because, as always, you can blame it on the person standing next to you.
chard, Oct 25 2002

Halfbakery: Fart Silencer http://www.halfbake...dea/Fart_20Silencer
25 Oct 02 | While not built into pants, a similar intent. [bristolz, Oct 25 2002, last modified Oct 17 2004]

Halfbakery: Gas Guard http://www.halfbake...om/idea/Gas_20Guard
25 Oct 02 | Again, not pants, but so very similar. [bristolz, Oct 25 2002, last modified Oct 17 2004]

Farts on film http://www.mateinas...farts/plantass.mpeg
This video is not for the faint of heart! [IVnick8or, Oct 25 2002]

Facts On Farts http://www.heptune.com/farts.html
Everything you EVER wanted to know about the fine art of farting. [IVnick8or, Oct 25 2002]

Merriam-Webster's Dictionary http://www.m-w.com/...tionary?hemorrhoids
Hemorrhoids for [NickTheGreat]. [phoenix, Oct 25 2002, last modified Oct 21 2004]

(?) Fart filter http://www.fartypants.com/fartfilter.html
sold by Fartypants Co., "with activated carbon fits snugly into your underwear, discreetly blocking out the fart smells" [FarmerJohn, Oct 17 2004]

[link]






       Perhaps a charcoal filter would remove olfactory evidence too.   

       Does my bum look big in this?
egbert, Oct 25 2002
  

       Perhaps a ventriloquism unit to also blame the sound "on the person standing next to you."
FarmerJohn, Oct 25 2002
  

       Nice try [farmer]. But we all know the truth.
blissmiss, Oct 25 2002
  

       What about trousers with a wedge that sticks out on the inside? This wedge would keep your buttocks apart, eliminatig the "raspberry" noise of your cheeks flapping against each other.
Mayfly, Oct 25 2002
  

       Wedgie pants? Popular with high school freshman, no doubt.
Mr Burns, Oct 25 2002
  

       maybe a wooden rod of some sort... (Ray ducks)
RayfordSteele, Oct 25 2002
  

       Is it the cheeks that makes the "raspberry" noise? I always thought it was how tight the sphinter was...
barnzenen, Oct 25 2002
  

       The following post contains more information than you want, so if you are of a delicate nature, it will be safe to read below the dotted line.   

       Some years ago, I went to the quack and said words to the effect of "My arse hurts all the time and there's blood coming out of it. Is this bad?"   

       The doctor said, "Hmmm. Yes. It is. Up on the table, chop chop." And, after a giving me a couple of instructions, he put his gloved, lubricated index finger up my rectum and had a rummage. Once I was de-skewered and the Doctor de-gloved he said, "I'm afraid you have hemorrhoids" and then told me to get some medication.   

       Since that fateful day, I've not managed to do a decent fart. No rip roaring trumps, no little tommy squeakers and not a single slippery squelch.   

       --------------------------------------------------------------   

       I'm sure there was a point in my telling you all this... Oh yeah, protection against audible farting is available free on the NHS and for a small fee in other nations. Better to treat the problem than the symptoms, as my Doctor never said.
calum, Oct 25 2002
  

       I simply may never recover from having read that [calum]. I think it started with "had a rummage" and from there went all whackyass. Tears are truly spilling onto my keyboard.
blissmiss, Oct 25 2002
  

       <mirror check> barnzenen: you're right. </mirror check>
FarmerJohn, Oct 25 2002
  

       sp: haemorrhoids
NickTheGreat, Oct 25 2002
  

       Wouldn't industrial foam earplugs be less cumbersome. I didn't mean for ears...
hollajam, Oct 25 2002
  

       The OED lists the spellings as either: hæmorrhoids or hemorrhoids.
bristolz, Oct 25 2002
  

       Rectum?   

       Damn near killed'm !   

       (apologies for blatant plagiarism)
The following post contains more information than you want, so if you are of a delicate nature, it will be safe to read below the dotted line.
  

       Some years ago, I went to the quack and said words to the effect of "My arse hurts all the time and there's blood coming out of it. Is this bad?"   

       The doctor said, "Hmmm. Yes. It is. Up on the table, chop chop." And, after a giving me a couple of instructions, he put his gloved, lubricated index finger up my rectum and had a rummage. Once I was de-skewered and the Doctor de-gloved he said, "I'm afraid you'll have to see a specialist."   

       Since that fateful time, blissfully bereft of a large intestine, I fart all of the time. They are generally odourless, but make up for that by invariably being extremely loud, wet and horrifically acidic.   

       ----------------------------------------------------   

       I'm sure there was a point in my telling you this... oh yeah - there is nothing wrong with everyday smelly 'parp's. There are other things to be embarrassed about! In the meantime I could really do w- <swquatharp...> Oh dear.
Jinbish, Oct 29 2002
  
      
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