h a l f b a k e r yThe embarrassing drunkard uncle of invention.
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Roland relaxed on the sofa on his rear porch, hands steepled on his chest, as he watched the rhythmic flaring of gas at the fuel refinery. It was a great inspiration.
The first shipment of Flare Thongs had gone out today, to adult and novelty stores around the nation.
It was a simple device, really:
Just a sound-activated switch, a step-up transformer and a set of contact points, running off a 9 volt dry cell.
Upon the sound of a flatulent eructation, the switch would trigger, opening the points and sending a series of 30,000 volt charges into the "air" immediately adjacent the sphincter.
The sparks ignited the volatile gas mix, causing a flash of flame of extraordinary proportions into the space behind the wearer's buttocks, nullifying any noisome odours.
The instructions were very specific about controlling oneself whilst refuelling motor vehicles, or working in powder magazines.
The old fashioned way
http://video.google...194275175519&q=fart
Heels up! [MoreCowbell, Jul 18 2006]
[link]
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You make everything... groovy |
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Wild thong, I think I love you |
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But I wanna know for sure |
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Come on and set me alight |
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You make everything... brazilian |
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(apologies to The Troggs) |
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Croissant, if only to see the video of these things all going terribly wrong. |
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At last - an idea with flair. |
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//nullifying any noisome odours//...in addition to any trousers, shorts, hose, pantaloons or dungarees in play at the time.[+] |
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I used to wonder if it would be possible to ignite farts with a catalyst such as platinum. Then I grew up. |
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One rectal wedding ring extraction was enough, BB? |
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I never wondered if it would be possible to ignite farts with a catalyst such as platinum. Then I grew up. |
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Who decided we need to grow up? Seems cruel to me. |
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Fair enough [UB]. Since Chronos is an unstoppable force let's agree we must grow old and that growing up is optional. |
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That's pretty much how I see it. Growing up is another way of saying, "I've had all of the fun squeezed out of me, by my wretched life." |
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That too. Ask [thumbwax], some day. |
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excellent!, [ConsulFlaminicus]. I didn't really like the idea, but then I read - Wild Thong .. |
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What smells worse than burnt hair? burnt arse hair? |
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Oh, and UB, this is the HB. Please add some way to harness the energy from the burnt fuel. Perhaps a fanny-pack mounted (gas) turbine to charge your handheld resonator or somesuch? |
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Hey [UnaBubba] ! suggest you visit Phuket by Pigeon. |
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[phlish] If you are naked in the same room as an Equus asinus, you need to seek help. |
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Can you two and your donkey get a room? |
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I once happened to witness the combustion of biogenic methane produced by a human. I was about fifteen feet away. The jet of incandescent gasses was rather small, and appeared to head inwards. The odor was far from nullfied, and the producer's response to the process was "Ow, Ow, Ow. (Thud.)" |
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It truely was a learning experience, one which I think anyone silly enough to attempt on purpose amply deserves... so, here's a bun to put your device next to. Now all you need is one more, and some beans. |
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