h a l f b a k e r yNo servicable parts inside.
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I have no doubt that this would get quite out of hand. |
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Inflatable toy huh? You must be hi just to put this idea under that category! |
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only gave you half a bun. i ate the other half. you know how it is. |
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I dare say that the required quantity of helium is larger than you have envisaged. |
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The closer you get to finishing the bowl, the more it will want to fly off. Woah... |
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What is it about stoners and dreaming up fancy ways to smoke pot? Roll a spliff, take a load off, put "Marquee Moon" on loud and Roberto is yer Ma's bro. |
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Oh and keep some of the honey-roasted peanut butter on standby - I'm loving that idea. |
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[Texticle] - it's not as bad as you might think. Helium lifts about a gram per litre, so assuming you smoke a small plastic bong (uncouth, I know) with about quarter of a litre of water in it, you'll need about 250g of lift or 250l of helium. That would require a balloon of less than 94cm in diameter. |
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Keeping the lift exact enough that the bong stays at a constant height while a gram of two of it's contents is converted to smoke and gas is another story. |
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Shirley, if we persist with ideas of this ilk the bakery will degenerate into a confused mess of unfathomably unworkable ideas and outrageous claims of science, where logic takes a back seat and surrealism not only gets behind the wheel, but reaches over with its pig-tail fingers, turns your left elbow into a penguin and explodes in a shower of snails and cuticles; where we argue the physical possibility, and economic viability, of having a cruise liner made entirely of bees and discuss the political ramifications of covering all of Venezuala in a 4 inch thick layer of spatula jam. A site so lost and bemused that all its bewildered members turn to the imbibication of psychotropic stubstances simply to make sense of the real World around them. |
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Therefore [mfd]; oh, never mind. |
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This idea is neither surreal nor unworkable. It's hardly a croissant bonanza either, but then not all ideas can be. |
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Bongs put me in a wierd place man, that's all I'm saying. What you say? Oh sorry, I thought you... |
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<must just watch the TV, maybe he didn't notice me being rude. I saw his eyes move! Is he looking at me? I can't tell, should I look? What if we make eye contact? Oh God, this is horrible. TV. TV. TV. I'm sure he's staring at me, can't look!> |
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Floating bongos would be cool. |
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There is no such thing as bongos, floating or otherwise, that are cool. Unless you're a hairy-jumper wearing, patchouli-soaked rope-headed drum-thumping hippy whose idea of entertainment is to wander around Edinburgh during festival time with a bunch of your cider-head crusty mates whacking an assortment of percussion in a rhythm-free approximation of the sound of a drumkit being tossed down a concrete stairwell, while doing that stupid floaty-arm wavy-head moonchild stumbling that hippies equate with dancing. |
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I meant for in the bath, somewhere to put the soap. |
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<theleopard sidles up to the window, holding the bong and balloon outside before pressing the concealed "ESCAPE" button. The balloon inflates to 100 times it's previous size and swiftly removes theleopard to the safety of the blue yonder> |
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Ahhhhh. I see, skinflaps. That's ok. "soap dish" is one of the prescribed acceptable uses for bongos (floating or otherwise) in "The Big Book of What Bongos Can Acceptably Be Used For Without Your Running the Risk of Being Set Upon By Irate 'Straights' (Maaaaaan)" |
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//swiftly removes theleopard to the safety of the blue yonder// |
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Phew! That almost got intense. |
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Uh-oh, just remembered how marijuana triggers my vertigo! What an infernal machine!! |
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As much as I enjoy partaking of Jane responsibly and enjoy thinking of new and interesting methods to maximize this enjoyment...This idea is ridiculous, in the sense that it should be subject to ridicule. How about you just string the damn thing from the ceiling with some monofilament; When the room gets sufficiently filled with smoke, your stoned self will not notice the difference. Moreover, the calculations and adjustments necessary to keep anything at a constant height with helium are the mantle of aeronautical engineers with degrees as opposed to custodians who are high off their asses. Bone. |
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"nad adjustments"!! I suggest leaving your nads out of this. You'll get a hotrock burn. |
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monk's corrected his "nad adjustments" so this anno's now pointless. |
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Besides, if it's not a gravity bong, the what the hell is it? |
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The EEDRB reports Venezuela's surface area to be 912.05 thousand square kilometers. This is the equivalent of 352144.5 sq miles, give or take a few bushels.
At 4 in thick, you would need some 11382.448 cubic furlongs of the so-called "spatula jam".
I am no jam expert, but I estimate the density of the spatula variety at about 65.54936 pounds/cu foot, which means you would need 62,563,650,806,916,000 pennyweights of the stuff (just on US$387 trillion just for the jam, assuming average discounted prices of US$1.99 per 500g jar - how does this compares to Iraq?).
All that assumes that Venezuela is flat, but it isn't. |
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So, now that we know what it takes, on to the political ramifications... |
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I suggest connecting the helium recipient
to the pipe, using a one-way valve. |
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Upon high-pitched stoner comments,
extreme hilarity inevitably ensues. |
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