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Freckle Probe Advent Calendar

A gift for the nervous, a month before the 45th birthday.
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Freckles are natural and necessary (how else is the poo going to exit?) but most people are relative strangers to their own freckle and those of others.

So, as the recommended time for that first of many regular digital rectal examinations approaches (approx 45 in most places), the average Dick or Dora begins to develop some anxiety over the coming procedure. Is my freckle embarrassingly hairy / large / colourful / tight / loose? Will the doctor need any tools? Are the doctors fingers long / warm / strong enough? What IS the procedure anyway?

The Freckle Probe Advent Calendar commences 30 days out from the giftee's 45th birthday (whether they are having a procedure or not - this is public education we're talking about here). The first little windows open up to photos of some quite pretty freckles including some cat's bums (to show that all animals have them), then some more adventurous shots of less attractive, but still normal, dates.

Fourteen days out, the calendar reveals some of the interesting things which have been shown to actually fit into a rectum (gerbils, light bulbs, Coke bottles, very large erections) so that the user becomes less apprehensive about the size issue.

The last week is about the instruments and the procedure, with the final day a large fold-out wall poster of that nice Mr Goetzee doing his favourite arse stretch thing and a rubber glove so that the user can try a digital insertion in the privacy of their own home.

Oh, and as motivation / reward, each day comes with an appropriately shaped chocolate nougat log.

ConsulFlaminicus, Dec 21 2005

freckle http://www.google.c...ine%3Afreckle&meta=
freckle defined.. what have I missed [CF] ? [neilp, Dec 21 2005]

Freckle defined in a non-google/UScentric way http://www.koalanet...ralian-slang.html#F
[ConsulFlaminicus, Dec 21 2005]

Lord Robertson http://www.theconne.../12/1113nato173.jpg
Hen's bumhole for a mouth. [calum, Dec 21 2005]

[link]






       I think(/hope) that my understanding of Freckle is distinctly different from yours [CF] <consults dictionary>

Yeah, look (see link).
neilp, Dec 21 2005
  

       I'm into this type of thing only because I'm a fan of Montessori.
Ponies for Parties, Dec 21 2005
  

       I don't know that freckle is a "US centric" thing - my daughter has freckles.
//I'm a fan of Montessori// Their first album was OK, but the second was rubbish.
coprocephalous, Dec 21 2005
  

       I can appreciate this ideas merits, although I was expecting something about the freckles more commonly found on the rest of your body.
miasere, Dec 21 2005
  

       Sorry, I'm not sure about the idea & all, but your use of the (previously) delightfully clean word 'freckle' makes me cringe and gives me bad vibes.   

       I think you would have been better off just saying 'bumhole' like everyone else. At least then we'd all know what you're talking about and wouldn't have to conjure up a mental image to try and figure it out (eh!)!   

       [+]
Honduras, Dec 21 2005
  

       arsehole - honduras   

       let me re-phrase that
The Kat, Dec 21 2005
  

       ooooh, comprehensions dawns. You have no idea how weird that first sentence sounds to UK people.   

       You have reminded me that I will actually be having a freckle examination tomorrow. Thanks a lot. :( Vindictive fishbone.
moomintroll, Dec 21 2005
  

       I have a lot of freckles on my face and shoulders. And now I hate all of them.
notmarkflynn, Dec 22 2005
  

       Oh. I get it now. You mean freckle in a very different way.   

       I was wondering how you managed that...
hermyslilsis, Nov 17 2006
  

       SP: rectal. Not as bad as some errors I've seen. Just got an extra F on the front, transposed a T with A K, and mixed up the last two letters...   

       I'd like all the world to know that Freckle is not American for bum hole.
ye_river_xiv, May 23 2007
  

       //I'd like all the world to know that Freckle is not American for bum hole.//   

       Indeed, I believe the [Consul] is Australian, as per his link.
pertinax, May 23 2007
  
      
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