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Galvanicycle
Build a better bicycle that builds a better bicyclist. | |
Watching the Tour de France, one is reminded, by some latent process of association that is so important to invention, of the rapidly twitching legs of frogs in Galvani's laboratory.
The much refined science of Electro-Muscle Stimulation is the leg - hehe - legacy of those early experiments. What's
more, this discovery firmly integrated biology with the physical sciences by connecting electricity, a physical phenomena, with the previously unexplainable phenomena of our magically moving bodies.
Undoubtedly, this discovery and his debates with Volta led to the development of the electro-chemical battery and electrical systems as well as understanding of our own kind of electro-chemical nervous system. Despite this, very little has been done in uniting these developments, besides pacemakers, implanted pulse generators, and Electro-muscle stimulators.
That may not sound like very little, but none of these innovations integrate biology with the machine. All of these devices impersonally ZAP parts of us, independant of their function. A Galvanicycle will solidify the unity of biology with the physical science of mechanics.
A Galvanicycle is an ultra-light performance bicycle of standard appearances with an electrical system, which may be the last generation of efficiency-conscious modifications to this already super-efficient machine. The electrical system is compact and consists of a small generator, battery and electro-muscle stimulator (EMS).
When the cyclists lock onto their pedals they connect to the electrical system from which current is applied to the major muscle groups in their legs via electrodes extending from their shoes. As they cycle, the EMS which is being fed current by the cyclist is reinvested into the cyclist with the return of increased performance.
The EMS ought to be completely controllable just as the brakes and derailleurs are controllable. Another efficient electrical investment would be an audio media player that stimulates one's central nervous system by playing 'Welcome to the Machine', and that song only.
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How is this better than brain-controlled muscles? |
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How is *this* better than brain-controlled thoughts? |
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The answer is that niether this nor that completely makes the brain obsolete, the cyclists are still consciously flexing their muscles, but the EMS allows for a more powerful contraction and conditions muscles. |
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This reminds me of the electrical ab-stimulator machines they (used to?) sell on late night tv. Hook up some electrodes to your abs, and the machine caused them to repeatedly flex and build muscle. Turned out to be a worthless scam though... |
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// completely makes the brain obsolete // |
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Tautology. Cyclists have no "brains" as such, just primitive ganglia. |
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Extra bun for giving cyclists electric shocks. Add to the music a subliminal voice repeating, "just because you have silly shorts and a plastic soup bowl on your head, you're not indestructible. Do not ride out in front of 4x4's at road junctions and assume they'll stop." |
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I like the idea too. if the bikes could be manufactured to be just too small for the cyclist, thus making the leg movements appear even more exaggerated, then that would also be good.
PS: Also add the following to 8th's subliminal message:-
"...and keep off the pavement you loser!" |
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Special Kamikaze version: charges a battery until it has enough joules accumulated to electrocute the rider. |
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