Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Halfbakery Standard Responses

Tell 'em how it's going to be.
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Many Newbies post ideas without truly understanding the Bakery, or how it works. They may not have actually read any of the other ideas, or their annotations.

When a new account is generated, maybe an email should be sent to the new Baker, encapsulating the sort of response they can reasonably expect (Names dates, times, places and heights have been changed to protect the guilty), viz.:

[Whimiscal, amusing but rather unoriginal idea (with unfunny punning title), posted by relative Newbie. Idea involves cats, custard, punisment of prisoners, genetic engineering, Bluetooth, and for some obscure reason, a pole at the back]

Blessmess: Whimsical touchy-feely applause of cat component.

poop: Complement to Blessmess

ProfessorChilli: Grumpy, bad-tempered and cynical WIBNI accusation.

DigitalBiscuits: calm, sensible intellectual criticism of overall idea.

UnaBlubber: Complement to DigitalBiscuits. Long drawn out philosophical refutation of human-rights-prisoner-punishment aspect.

Weaksquauk: High minded intellectual support for UnaBubba's anno.

7th of 8: Criticism of cat aspect of idea. Standard anti-cat rant. Suggestion for incorporating explosives into the idea. String of equations.

chtgenerous: applause of 7th's explosives suggestion

UnaBlubber: Attack on 7th's morals, parentage and personal hygene habits.

s3toff: "Be nice to each other" anno to try to stop flame war.

Weaksquauk: Attack on 7th's morals, parentage and personal hygene habits. Further gratuitous accusations of unnatural relations with domestic and domesticated animals added.

GardenerJack: Suggestion for powering the "idea" by means of a lighting rod.

Angle: Attack on ProfessorChilli. Several useful links added.

fingeroil: Technical criticism of idea.

NickThatGrates: Slightly off-topic comment, degenerating into rambling.

wetmisery: Gently reproachful comment on Nick's anno.

Fakediamond: Request that idea be available in a bizarre range of colours, materials and surface finishes, preferably mineral in nature.

Mephistophles: Brief anno rubbishing all ideas involving Bluetooth and Genetic Engineering.

DrBlob: Sensible anno on idea. Short anecdote, possibly relevant.

ProfessorChilli: Ill-tempered badmouthing of other HalfBakers.

Aristobottle: Technical criticism of idea. Suggested enhancements. Link added.

northernloveapple: Demand for more custard

Blessmess: Second demand for more custard

poop: Third demand for more custard

column: Request for less custard.

And so on and so on ......

8th of 7, Aug 30 2002

nick's link http://www.nj2k.co.uk
Use the damn link button: you have no excuse. Not that you should be posting your personal website all the time, that's what your profile page is for. and why the hell should I always be putting up other people's links, etc, etc, grumble grumble.. [yamahito, Aug 30 2002]

The Turing Test http://cogsci.ucsd....aygin/tt/ttest.html
Can YOU pass it ? [8th of 7, Sep 05 2002, last modified Oct 21 2004]

[link]






       But will it be possible to send out these emails with coloured/textured backgrounds? to reflect the way the 'bakery feels about the idea as a collective.
Zircon, Aug 30 2002
  

       Hmm... Bearing in mind that the baker-base is fluid, this'd have to be updated semi-regularly. Plus, not everyone wants to give their emails to strange websites that offer them bread products.
calum, Aug 30 2002
  

       6 months later pRayforIron adds an already-explored annotation to the tired idea, rouses the whole discussion up again, and wonders why people read the professor's annotations as badmouthing...   

       The halfbakery reduced to an AI 'bot. Who'd have thunk it were possible?
RayfordSteele, Aug 30 2002
  

       [blissmiss] why was your elf trying to stop you laugh?
Zircon, Aug 30 2002
  

       you missed out hollowmarmalade; spews forth and intensly confusing array of syllables that may/may not have anything to do with the original idea.
Zircon, Aug 30 2002
  

       If the idea doesn't attract too many fishbones, I'll add some other "characters" as time goes on.
8th of 7, Aug 30 2002
  

       He's improved a lot recently .... I hope his feelings aren't hurt (much) ......
8th of 7, Aug 30 2002
  

       rofl
DrCurry, Aug 30 2002
  

       "Sadly, that information *could* have helped me."
XSarenkaX, Aug 30 2002
  

       You posted a custard idea?!
DrCurry, Aug 30 2002
  

       No, I was a newbie. I'm fresh out of custard ideas.
XSarenkaX, Aug 30 2002
  

       XSarenkaX: You're in the Bakery Zone. No-one can help you now ....
8th of 7, Aug 30 2002
  

       Har-de-har. Ow, it hurts when I laugh! Yuckity-yuck.   

       And don't forget rhino: [marked-for-extinction] not even the faintest of an idea
FarmerJohn, Aug 30 2002
  

       FarmerJohn: Yep, got that one. Working on some more. I'll edit them in later ...
8th of 7, Aug 30 2002
  

       <nearly drowns in custard-filled croissants>
XSarenkaX, Aug 30 2002
  

       Just reading this and thinking: Idea needs more LED and GPS. Should mow lawns too. Custard used to attract ants to killing. Swiss army pole pants.
polartomato, Aug 30 2002
  

       [Zircon] hollamarmalade was hilarious. May I suggest [Holy marmalade!] . Even More colorful. A better fit- has a southern ring to it-part of my background . Marmalade. I like that it has texture-- more syllables than jam. Rolls off the tongue like an ending for a marching band percussion cadence. However, annotating to this creates visual that [7/8ths] is dying a slow death or mentally paraphrasing dog obedience training philosophy, " Ignore undesired behavior long enough-- eventually it will die.
hollajam, Aug 30 2002
  

       I am not sure if you can (or whether I wish to be) pigeon-holed like this. sorry but I don't feel whimsical today.
po, Aug 30 2002
  

       Perhaps that should be:   

       Nick that grates: obscure link to slightly off topic conversation - uses opportunity to promote own idea/website/mother's business...
yamahito, Aug 30 2002
  

       Enjoy your elf
thumbwax, Aug 31 2002
  

       Oh yes! Love your work [8th]. Encore encore...
madradish, Sep 01 2002
  

       [NicktheGreat] = [StealtheScuttle]
Zircon, Sep 05 2002
  

       By the way, some people think that this is a proposal for an AI autoresponse 'bot for individual users; it's not. It's just an idea for an "example" in the help metafile to show Newbies what they can reasonably expect.   

       A configurable AI autoresponse is a bit WIBNI ..... isn't it ?   

       Hello ?   

       Are there any real 'Bakers still out there ?   

       Hello ?
8th of 7, Sep 05 2002
  

       I'm real! And, look, I didn't even get pigeon-holed.
XSarenkaX, Sep 05 2002
  

       Next up: All HalfBakers will be required to pass a monthly Turing Test to check they've not been replaced with an AI (except for Zircon, who openly admits to being inorganic).
8th of 7, Sep 05 2002
  

       I'm real! Maybe not much of a baker - but real nonetheless.
Jinbish, Sep 05 2002
  

       prove it.
st3f, Sep 05 2002
  

       8th of 7: some of us already failed that one.
DrCurry, Sep 05 2002
  

       [st3f] I stink, therefore I am. I'll provide more concrete proof when I can.
Jinbish, Sep 05 2002
  

       <tumbleweed rolls by>
yamahito, Nov 12 2002
  

       What are we talking about?
XSarenkaX, Nov 12 2002
  

       Now that toast has self-destructed, time to clean the Swiss Cheese
thumbwax, Nov 12 2002
  

       Private club? Really? And here I am passing comment, posting ideas without so much a 'by your leave'. Private club you say... in that case...   

       You Ain't Seen Me, Right?!
Jinbish, Nov 13 2002
  

       Guess what percentage of halfbakers were Newbies once.
Don't beg for attention by mocking waugsqueke, or deleting annotations or links.
Read the help file and get over your elf. It's not a contest, nor is it a clique - it's supposed to be a respite from jackasses and the wear and tear of our rapidly shrinking braincells. For the most part, we're lovable but gruff.
thumbwax, Nov 13 2002
  

       [jinbish] heehee!
Zircon, Nov 13 2002
  

       <tip type="Interpersonal Communication/Lubrication">
Moving parts in rubbing contact require lubrication to avoid excessive wear. Honorifics and formal politeness provide lubrication where people rub together. Often the very young, the untraveled, the naive, the unsophisticated deplore these formalities as 'empty', 'meaningless', or 'dishonest' and scorn to use them. No matter how 'pure' their motives, they thereby throw sand into machinery that does not woik too well at best.
</tip type="Interpersonal Communication/Lubrication">
thumbwax, Nov 13 2002
  

       Indigo Berrys Dangle.
Zircon, Nov 13 2002
  

       This isn't a private club?   

       So who did I just pay my three hundred dollar membership fee to?   

       I said "You Ain't Seen Me!"
Jinbish, Nov 13 2002
  

       Now that toast has been freeze-dried, time to clean the Swiss Cheese
thumbwax, Nov 13 2002
  

       So toast is toast again? (I note that Mr Toast is also dusted - is there a pattern here?)
DrCurry, Nov 13 2002
  

       toast with swiss cheese... now I'm getting hungry.
RayfordSteele, Nov 13 2002
  

       a) why did this churn if the last anno is from 2002?   

       b) How long did it take you to come up with this pattern?   

       c [+]
shapu, Dec 20 2007
  

       //Because you posted something to it//   

       That works. Or, it could have been my "Dumpster Diver". In any case, I'm happy! I didn't see this before.   

       Now I understand Mr.[UnaBubba], owner of the mystic UnaBlubber! But I see a flaw; this idea proposes that all bakers will post in a defined order with defined perspectives on a chaotic site. Hmm, something seems wrong.
Shadow Phoenix, Dec 20 2007
  

       I was expecting this to be a set of drop-down menu alternatives.   

       Welcome - Please read the help file WIBNI I love it etc.
normzone, Dec 21 2007
  

       This idea is more of an excuse to make a witty observation of the habits and mannerisms of '02 bakers. Having said that, it made me laugh, so bun from me. We need an updated version, though!   

       <In danger of sidetracking the purpose of the idea by taking it literally>
Ideas for introducing newbies:
- Have a three month delay between receiving account and being allowed to post an idea.
- Require proof that newbie has read other ideas such as a toll of the number of comments, answering a well crafted questionnaire on the Help file or oft repeated / classically bad / classically good ideas
- Require newbies to learn secret handshake and make them stand on one leg with a single bared nipple, whilst swearing on the sacred Hullabaloon to keep the spirit of Halfbakery alive.
  

       I can't be bothered to see how many of these have already been posted.
</Idostpotibtil>
TheLightsAreOnBut, Dec 21 2007
  

       [TheLights]: //Require proof that newbie has read other ideas//
[TheLights]: //I can't be bothered to see how many of these have already been posted//
hippo, Dec 21 2007
  

       Other Standard Responses Include:
"When I read the title, I thought this was going to be an idea about <insert pun on title here> and am now <pleasantly surprised | severely disappointed>."
etc..
zen_tom, Dec 21 2007
  

       //Because you posted something to it?//   

       No, it was shown as new and anno'd in my main page. That's how I found it in the first place (although I do normally like to take credit for removing some dust from good ideas every now and again, I'm afraid I must admit that this was entirely not me).   

       Must have been the Ghost of Bakers Past.
shapu, Dec 21 2007
  

       <rattles chains>
8th of 7, Dec 21 2007
  

       karma will getcha, 8th of 7
signed;
blessmess
blissmiss, Dec 21 2007
  

       You can take your suppositories and shove them up your arse.
Ian Tindale, Dec 21 2007
  

       Around here we call 'em butt thimbles...it just sounds better, right??? (eww)
blissmiss, Dec 21 2007
  

       We would prefer something that sounded worse as long as it felt better ........ (EEWWW)
8th of 7, Dec 21 2007
  

       When I saw the first line of zen_tom's anno I thought it was going to be about semaphore but now...
DrBob, Dec 22 2007
  

       // Why did no-one tell me of this //   

       We did, we all shouted, but you were preoccupied with roasting a new Troll over a slow fire, and didn't hear us..... your only response was a call for "Faggots ! Bring me more faggots !" whic caused some confusion to the assembled Halfbakers as depending on one's cultural background, the word has different meanings ......
8th of 7, Dec 22 2007
  

       // I didn't notice, what with the smell and all. //   

       No... it always worries us when you get that strange little smile, and that bright, glassy look in your eyes. We woory that you may not have been taking your medication like you promised when they discharged you.   

       But yes, the smell was sooooooo good.....
8th of 7, Dec 23 2007
  

       Our pleasure. You want fries with that .... ?
8th of 7, Dec 24 2007
  

       Ok, fries, ketchup, and a King size Lithium Deuteride to go ......
8th of 7, Dec 24 2007
  

       Ha! A fantastically one-sided conversation from 8th there. Now enshrined on the interweb for all time. What a loon all the future people will think him/it/them!
DrBob, Jun 12 2012
  

       So you think. We have all of [UB]'s annotations, indeed all our ideas and postings, archived; there's just no convenient way of re-inserting the annos in the correct positions.
8th of 7, Jun 12 2012
  
      
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