h a l f b a k e r y
Fewer ducks than estimates indicate.
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We all know about the politically correct nursery rhymes and Little Red Riding Hood's father being an economically challenged woodcutter etc.. but wouldnt halfbakery rhymes be more fun?
I envisage the big bad wolf threatening to blow down the little piggies' Film Noir Homes, Little Red Riding Hood's
father being a Custard Engineer, Little Miss Muffet being scared by a Mosh-Buddy-Pogo-Weeble, Goldilocks (wearing her glow in the dark hair dye) eating all of the three bears caffeinated breakfast cereal, and finally, of course, in the deluxe pack all the rhymes could be in the Third Person Plural Conditional Past Perfect Continuous... just to be silly.
oh yes, I almost forgot the Grand old Duke of York and his flocking Road cones!
Short name, e.g., Bob's Coffee
Destination URL.
E.g., http://www.coffee.com/
Description (displayed with the short name and URL.)
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baked. UB will do these periodically. Just don't ask for them... let them appear organically. They're much better that way - the spontaneity is what makes them great. |
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I would keep this idea... oh and you forgot shrodingers duke of york... |
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//in the deluxe pack all the rhymes could be in the Third
Person Plural Conditional Past Perfect Continuous... just
to be silly.// |
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You mean, "...just to have been being silly." |
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Schrodinger's Duke of York
Thought he had ten thousand men
He marched up to the top of the hill
When he looked they may well have always been at the bottom. |
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Sing a song for jutta
Bulletproof custard in a pie
Four and twenty croissants
Say Jamie Oliver must die |
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Around and 'round halfbakery
The egnor chased the Sealy
They link and sledge each other all day
This place ain't touchy feely |
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They would have been rowing, rowing, rowing their boats
Gently down the stream
Merrily, merrily, merrily
Life would have been being but a dream. |
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I'm sure I'll think of more. I just have to get some work done for now. |
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Halfbakery, take a bite, it's a pedant's delight
With croissants o'erspread is Peter's sweet head
Post an idea and rest, watch him bake it in jest
Post an idea and rest, watch him bake it in jest
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Halfbakery, take a bite, this is jutta's delight
Bright fishbones beside my ideas abide
They shall keep thee depress'd, thou shalt slash at thine wrists
They shall keep thee depress'd, thou shalt slash at thine wrists
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I guess the reverse of this idea, would be to post nursery rhymes as halfbakery ideas. E.G:
DIY WOUND DRESSING
Scalp injuries can be repaired quickly and hygenically by applying papier mache. Using acetic acid instead of water will help cleanse the wound and reduce subsequent infection, while the colour of paper used can be matched to hair colour (eg brown) for cosmetic purposes.
NOVELTY POLECATS
Feed your polecat a mixture of 227 grammes of unrefined sugar mollasses together with 227 grammes of plain white rice. You will find that the expense is well worth the resulting hilarious sound effects!
TALKING BELLS
Navigation around tourist cities could be made much easier if church belltowers were fitted with loudspeakers to indicate the name of the church. To add local flavour, the announcements could be tailored to fit in with local practices, e.g. the bells in London could all use Cockney rhyming slang.
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Ilike it, Lemon. It puts me in mind, stylistically speaking, of the Peter Sellers/Richard III/Hard Days Night sketch. How about this one...
SONIC BLASTER MOUSE TRAPS
Clocks should be fitted with highly sensitive motion detectors. Just before you go to bed at night you press a button to activate the clocks secondary function. Once activated the clock will transmit a high powered sonic 'stun' wave if it detects the tell tale scratching noises of small rodents. |
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TRAINED AMATEUR WATERFOWL CAMERAMEN
A small video camera, mounted to the head of a goose will allow candid shots from any floor of a house and even inside women's bedrooms. |
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DIET LEADS TO OVERPOPULATION AND MINITURISATION
The consumption of thick soup and the elimination of wheat products from the diet encourages large families capable of living in footwear. |
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VEGETARIAN GUILTY OF DEPRIVATION OF LIBERTY
A man known to authorities only as Peter has apparently kept his wife for several years, imprisoned in a giant pumpkin shell. Consisiting solely on a diet of pumpkin products, she is believed to be in good health. The man's colleagues said "He was a quiet chap, though he did have something of a fascination with becoming a baker. Thank heavens he never decided to bake his wife to supplement his diet." |
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POULTRY PIES, FIT FOR A KING
Select 24 live, plump blackbirds and enclose and bake in a blindbaked pieshell. Care should be taken to ensure the birds are not injured and are still able to break into their customary song once the pie is opened. |
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This may already be baked, as rumours of a chef to the royal household engaging in this practice have been vehemently denied by an official spokesperson in the employ of King Juan Carlos of Spain. Similar rumours about the practice have been circulating for several centuries, though they appear to dog only male monarchs.
| UnaBubba,
Oct 02 2001, last modified Oct 03 2001 |
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PENSIONER'S DOG STARVES TO DEATH |
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The R.S.P.C.A. were outraged last night by the sudden demise of Fang, Mrs Flo Hubbard's pekinese-mastiff crossbreed. "I blame the foot and mouth crisis for the current lack of cow bones" said a spokesperson. |
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Somewhere along the line the ideas turned into news
stories... |
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My fault. It was too hard to come up with an idea to incorporate Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater. |
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Somewhere along the line the ideas turned into news
stories... |
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