h a l f b a k e r y
I CAN HAZ CROISSANTZ?
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So. It turns out that, here in the 21st century where we all
live, people are getting fat. I mean grossly fat. Two-
chairs fat. Really, just very fat. In another few decades,
according to the latest predictions from the WHO, people
will start sinking to the Earth's centre where they will
a dense, viscous mass; this will displace the nickel-iron
core, causing the Earth's magnetic field to weaken,
meaning that migratory birds will all wind up at the
Fortunately for humanity and birds, MaxCo. has the
solution. The MaxCo. Happy Hunger implant weighs a
mere 480 grams, and can be implanted at any convenient
site in the body. The implant is loaded with endorphins
(those things that joggers have), and a sensor that
responds to circulating levels of leptin, the hormone that
As leptin levels fall, indicating hunger, the Happy Hunger
implant starts to release endorphins. The hungrier you
are, the happier you will feel - up to a limit pre-set by the
firmware in the implant.
Gadulka! Suddenly, you will crave hunger just as you used
to crave that stuffed-crust peanut-butter pizza! As you
waste away, you'll be feeling so happy your toes will curl.
||I run between 20 and 30 miles per week and have done so
for 20+ years without fail, and I never recall being loaded
down with dolphins. I'm sure I would have noticed them.
||Wow. So, if you're home for Christmas one year,
you'll be about 1200 miles away for the next one.
||While we're measuring hormones can we make it boost
exercise endorphines too? Where the hormones...
||that's because the Zionist dolphins are trained to work
||...Or they could cut to the chase and make a leptin implant, or anti-leptin or whatever. You know, science stuff.
||[+] for "two-chairs fat". Was hoping for more vivid
consequences after the bird thing, like, "Without the
protection of the magnetic field the Sun's heat melts the
Golden Gate Bridge and earthquakes shatter numerous
landmarks around the world. The Government has to
build a submarine made of Unobtanium to explode the
fatness in the Earth's core using fusion bombs" just like in
"The Core" (terrible, terrible movie).
||Amphetamines are cheaper, and legal for certain
properly diagnosed medical conditions.
||Wouldn't that just be the mechanism behind anorexia ?
||I don't know what it is but I can't read the title of this idea without hearing the theme music for Hungry Hungry Hippos in my head.
||I knew this was [Treon] as soon as I read the title.