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If any of you have been watching the World Cup in South Africa this
week, you'll have noticed the entire contest has been organised by an
angry swarm of bees, in numbers nigh on apocalyptic. This din is
produced by the vuvuzela horns - trumpets tooted at sports events
popular in Africa.
from outside Africa have been finding it difficult to
communicate with each other above the noise, especially
goalkeepers, who need to direct the rest of the team during set
pieces to form an effective wall in front of them.
Seems to me, they'd be much easier to hear above the low-pitch
tumult if they were at a much higher frequency. Insert a helium
canister in the goalposts with a small flip down nozzle from which
the keeper can inhale the gas, jobs a goodun!
||Then they'd all sound like Beckham.
||Pipe various mixtrues of helium, xenon and tungsten hexafluoride into the stadia to manipulate the pitch of the vuvuzeli - a skilled gasmaster might even be able to play a tune, of sorts.
||At high wind matches,the players could strap harmonicas to their heads as they run around.
||Football for the blind, [skinflaps]?