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I.E.V.
Improvised Explosive Velocipede | |
Given that many car and truck drivers and some ex-military types hold dear the fiction that bicyclists are inferior beings, deserving of cruel, brutish deaths in the slop and filth of the nearest gutter, today is an auspicious day indeed.
Today is the launch date of Project BUTTHEAD (Bicyclists Using
Terror Tactics, Helping Educate Arsehole Drivers). This is a group dedicated to ensuring otherwise ignorant drivers notice bicycles and give them respect on the road.
Our first fund (and awareness) raising product is a bicycle frame packed with an explosive charge. In the event some inattentive driver runs over the bike it explodes, blowing a wheel or two off the offending vehicle and turning it upon its side if it's small enough.
Beatings will continue until morale, and driving behaviour, improves.
[link]
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//deserving of cruel, brutish deaths in the slop and filth of the nearest gutter//
To quote Vogon Jeltz, "Death's too good for them". |
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Bring on dem fishbones, Lord, for dey knows not whut dey do. |
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A frind of mine was knocked three times in five days, by the same bus on the same intersection, in 1987. The bus driver, when Murray dragged him out of the bus after the third time, complained that bicycles were a menace and should be forcibly driven off the road if governments were too stupid to ban them from using roads. |
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Murray was charged with assault, for good reason. The bus driver looked a bit secondhand by the time the police broke up the fight. |
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Okay, but would you consider dumping the explosives and substitute spikes, or maybe a frame that shatters to produce spikes? The net effect is the same and innocent bystanders are spared. |
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The secret to creating the greatest amount of damage with only a human body is to first strike the glass with an elbow, knee, forehead or other hard, pointy body part; only then may one expend his full momentum against the now (hopefully) cracked glass, perhaps even gaining entry to the offending vehicle where one may berate, curse, or perhaps just bleed on the operator of said vehicle. |
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All smells a bit rantid to me. |
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[+] for inconsiderate and lethally dangerous misuse of explosives. |
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I saw an episode (in my Season 1 &2 box set) of MacGyver in
which he made a cutting torch out of a magnesium racing
bicycle. You could start there. [-] for the use of the idea, though. |
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You can use a metal tube filled with thermite and a blowtorch to cut concrete too... what's that got to do with giving cyclists the capability to destroy cars in the way cars usually destroy bicycles? |
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My point was that a magnesium frame might give you a little
more bang for your buck. |
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It burns well if you light it. |
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Yep. I used to have a magnesium firestarter. That thing was
friggin' awesome. |
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[UB], spare a thought for the poor cyclist! |
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I AM a cyclist. However, I'd sacrifice the odd bike if I thought it meant drivers would think twice before running into or over cyclists, especially if it was likely their precious shitbox car was going to be destroyed in the process. |
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"Step this way, Sir. We offer the complete range of BorgCo bicycle-mounted surface-to-surface missiles; heat-seeking, radar or wire guided, with a full range of payloads - choose from paint-shredding fragmentation, oil slick, or our latest development which can deploy two litres of extra-sticky quick drying seagull shit with pinpoint accuracy ....." |
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Some of the lighter weight wire-guided anti-tank missiles are
within the weight range of a heavy rear rack. |
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As are the 5.56mm variants of the Minigun, but you have to pedal like stink to keep the barrel assembly turning at the right speed ..... |
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You'd also need a convoy of porters on bicycles to keep it powered and provisioned with ammunition. |
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somehow the explosive suicide of the hit cyclist seems a poor fit with the stated goals of B.U.T.T.H.E.A.D. |
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You put a time delay on it, combined with a limpet style
electromagnet so it sticks to the car. Trust me, the average
cyclist is in much better shape to run away than the average
driver. |
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I should have made it clear. I saw the cyclist letting the bike go and getting out of the way of the about-to-be-crippled car. |
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//perhaps even gaining entry to the offending vehicle// |
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I believe kangaroos do this quite well. I haven't checked my facts here, but I seem to remember that the most common modern scenario for roo-on-human violence is where the roo suddenly finds itself in your lap along with the remains of your windscreen, and, having just been hit with a ton or two of car, hits you back as soon as it has got over the shock. |
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I think the main reason why cyclists don't do this is that they are less likely to be already airborne when struck than bouncing kanagaroos, and therefore more likely to go under the car, rather than over or into it. |
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Hence the rapid deployment of pogo sticks should, err, {fades out} |
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// the cyclist letting the bike go // |
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Suggestion: "Bike Saddle by Martin-Baker". |
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There is a band called "This Bike is a Pipe Bomb"... they have bumper stickers that a number of people have gotten in trouble for displaying on bikes left in public places. |
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In other news, cycling robots with no sense of self-preservation, deployed by the thousands... |
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also, we could Plant land mines on the shoulders of the road, because then we could just stop them from veering around. [+] |
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The most common scenario for roo-on-human violence is when some numbnuts, half-tanked, decides to "box" with a kangaroo. The 'roo doesn't recall having read the Marquis of Queensbury's Rules and kicks the crap out of the aforementioned boofhead, using feet that would do a job on a velociraptor, if kangaroos and velociraptors were contemporaries. |
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