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Immortal Snowman

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Suggested by an annotation by [Hippo].

Snowmen are notoriously ephemeral, and the great snowmen and snowwomen of our childhoods have long since rejoined the water cycle. Sad.

Fortunately, you can now immortalize your snowman using the MaxCo Snowman Immortalizing Kit (yes, we are working on the name).

Once your snowman is fully perfected, simply moisten the 168 yards of plaster-impregnated fabric, and swaddle the snowman throroughly. Leave for 12 hours to set, then use the drill (included!) to make a 2" hole in the top of the mummified snowman's head.

Meanwhile, unpack and set up the bronze smelter, crucible, overhead gantry and kettle. Pop the 1200kg of bronze ingots into the crucible, set the smelter to "ON", and use the kettle to make a cup of tea while you wait. Once the bronze is thoroughly melted, use the gantry to swing the crucible over the enplastered snowman, and start pouring molten bronze into the hole you drilled in the head. Be aware that there may be some splashing and/or violent explosions as the metal argues with the snow.

Leave to set for approximately 18 hours, then chip away the plaster shell to reveal your very own immortal (and largely immovable) bronze snowman.

[EDIT] OK, we've got a better name from our marketing department - it's now the Snowman Kit Immortalizer, or SKI.

[Note to self: review salaries in the marketing department.]

MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 19 2018

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       Not made of snow though......
xenzag, Dec 19 2018
  

       It is to begin with.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 19 2018
  

       Yes, it's made "with" snow initially ... it's not an entirely snow-neutral process.   

       Rather than bronze, we suggest a substance that has a similar silver-white colour and granular texture to snow; metallic Arsenic, perhaps ?
8th of 7, Dec 19 2018
  

       //it's not an entirely snow-neutral process// Ah, but it is. All the water that once made the snowman becomes reavailable for further snowage.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 19 2018
  

       Murder of childhood heroes [+]
Voice, Dec 19 2018
  

       On further consideration, we now think that Antimony or Tellurium would give a more snow-like appearance and texture.
8th of 7, Dec 19 2018
  

       //swing the crucible over the enplastered snowman, and start pouring molten bronze into the hole you drilled in the head//   

       Ah. The lost innocence method.
bigsleep, Dec 20 2018
  

       It sounds very similar to the process of bell-founding, where a sand or clay mould is filled with molten bell metal - a form of bronze - through a hole in the top, so that the casting fills up from the lowest part and finishes when you reach the bell end.
8th of 7, Dec 20 2018
  

       You could offer yourself to be cast in steel. Once you were totally incased in fireclay (apart from a small breathing hole) an opening would be formed above your head to allow the molten steel to be poured in very slowly. If all goes to plan, the superheated molten metal will boil you away, totally replacing your fleshy substance with that of solid steel. Once this has cooled, the fireclay exterior can be chipped off revealing your entire form, only now composed of solid steel. Your "boiled off self" can be collected in the form of a noxious gas that's probably only suitable for fumigating ebola contaminated blankets.
xenzag, Dec 20 2018
  

       Go on then, you first.
8th of 7, Dec 20 2018
  

       An immoral snowman would be more interesting
theircompetitor, Dec 20 2018
  

       //totally replacing your fleshy substance with that of solid steel//   

       I always imagine [8th] to be more steel than electronics or flesh, more Bender than Borg.
bigsleep, Dec 20 2018
  

       Our composition is not a proper subject for idle speculation.
8th of 7, Dec 20 2018
  

       I’m going to idly speculate on a mass of slowly moving maggots who have been choreographed into a vaguely humanoid shape. Oh look - here comes a flock of hungry birds..... the vague shape begins to cower under a convenient tarpaulin that has blown off a nearby skip full of GM crops waiting to be decontaminated with napalm.
xenzag, Dec 20 2018
  

       Poor Jeremy Corbyn.. pecked to death by sparrows, what a way to go.
8th of 7, Dec 20 2018
  

       I've heard that molten steel is hot enough to destroy nerves before the heat is felt.
Voice, Dec 21 2018
  

       Yes, well, it's probably sensible not to believe everything you hear. Did the information come from someone with prosthetic limbs and/or extensive skin grafts ?   

       <re-reads entire idea/>   

       <notices category/>   

       <ponders being considerate, as it's Christmas/>   

       We wonder what category this idea should be in - but at least it's not in Other: General ... Oh, wait ...
8th of 7, Dec 21 2018
  
      
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