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International Quantification Scale of How Good Owls Are

  [vote for,

When comparing owls, it is often quite difficult to arrive at a description without it being a bit qualitative. I mean, if you think a certain owl is really really good, then it might be to you, but to another person elsewhere, what does that mean? They might also be in front of a really really good owl too, also, and that one is actually a far better owl. We can no longer just go on talking about owls in such vague and unmeasurable and incomparable terminology words. We need something we can actually hold up the owl to and mark with a pencil to arrive at a quantified measurement. After all, some owls are just okay.
Ian Tindale, Oct 04 2016

Friendly owl https://www.youtube...watch?v=kUIp_xzUPQo
Really the owl goodness chart might need separate scales. The owl in this video is good at being a dog but one cannot judge how good it might be at more typical owl things. [bungston, Oct 04 2016]

Bill and an Owl http://www.dailymai...aurant-Beijing.html
[po, Oct 04 2016]

Bustard https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bustard
There's good eating on one of those. [8th of 7, Mar 01 2018]


       This area of endeavour has been neglected for far too long [+].
8th of 7, Oct 04 2016

       This idea fills a much-needed gap.   

       However, Tsinbörgen developed a rating system for pencils which involved marking them with an owl. Perhaps her system could be adapted for the inverse situation.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 04 2016

       The owl would need to be rotated.
Ian Tindale, Oct 04 2016

       Yes, but owls are comfortable with that. This is one of the reasons they are found on almost every continent.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 04 2016

       On, or in?
Ian Tindale, Oct 04 2016

       Usually on, seldom in. Owls can be subducted, but since this happens most often at active plate boundaries, and since owls are wise and avoid such regions, this is not a common occurrence*. They might also be found, of course, at continents.   

       (*That said, one of the major North Sea oil fields is believed to have arisen almost entirely through the decomposition of subducted owls. Nobody understands how this could be the case but, then again, the person who believes this is certifiably insane so it may not be an issue. Petrogeologists are looking into the problem.)
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 04 2016

       // Petrogeologists are looking into the problem //   

       Probably be better to ask a psychiatrist ... but then again ...
8th of 7, Oct 04 2016

       The problem of incontinent owls would traditionally be referred to psycho the rapist.
Ian Tindale, Oct 04 2016

       I've done a little digging around here. It turns out that there is a thriving resale business in used owls, and the market is dominated (some would say monopolized) by WeBuyAnyOwl.com   

       WBAO have put together a comprehensive pricing structure for used owls of all species, and all ages (dating back to first year of production). Given that market forces are as good an indicator of owl goodness as any, WBAO's valuations could well be used an indicator of owl goodness.   

       Obviously, this will be simplest in the case of undamaged owls in "good condition for age". WBAO does allow for pricing of damaged or worn owls, but in those cases there is some subjectivity in assessing the extent of damage or wear. But I think this is about as good as we are likely to get, at least without significant funding.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 04 2016

       I couldn't give a hoot, which would presumably put me at the bottom of the list?
not_morrison_rm, Oct 04 2016

       A parliamentary admensuration if you will.   


       "Do you like our owl ?"   

8th of 7, Oct 04 2016

whatrock, Oct 04 2016

MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 04 2016

       Hoo is to judge anyway?
AusCan531, Oct 04 2016

       not too sure if owls are meant to be good. try asking Bill Bailey
po, Oct 04 2016

       Owls standards should be set (temporarily at least) by some suitably generic body involved in promoting objective cross-referencing, to reflect the abstract nature of this, it might be named something suitably generic, such as The Working Institute for Terminology   

       And later, once working standards have been agreed upon, ongoing work would need to be administered by some trusted international body, such as The World Health Association.   

       For the transition period between the two bodies, some kind of council formed by a merging of the two might ensure a smooth handover during the TWIT-TWHO period.
zen_tom, Oct 04 2016

       The halfbakery in full Radio 4 flight - excellent and well played.
calum, Oct 04 2016

       //Owls standards should be set//   

       I'm not sure most people would agree. There is an Owl Protection League (or somesuch owl-based charity) that sometimes sets up stall at our local garden centre. They have (if I recall correctly) pennants with an image of an owl on them, with which they bedeck their stand. However, to expect the average person to erect owl-themed flags is, I suggest, somewhat unrealistic.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 04 2016

       What would you call a smelly owl? Fowl of course.
xenzag, Oct 04 2016

       A good starting point is the objectively best owl and working backwards to build out. There are many in agreement, at least in North America, who gather in large numbers each February to watch the superb owl. [thatsthejoke.jpg]
tatterdemalion, Oct 04 2016

       It's those eyes, those huge, circular eyes. They give me the creeps while giving me a huge rush of love at the same time. What is one to do? Do I love them, do I fear them, do I just plain don't care about them? Hmmm...SCREEEEEECHHH. Not sure.
blissmiss, Oct 04 2016

       Arriving at a unified standard will be clumsy at best. There is so much owl influence in our culture already that getting back to the basics would be very difficult.   

       As an example, baseball has already been influenced, with the so-called fowl ball.
normzone, Oct 04 2016

       It occurs to me that owls would be ideally employed in the business of sorting out problems, by identifying various troubles and then communicating these troubles in the form of hooting. Owls would soon come to be naturally regarded as troubles hooters.
Ian Tindale, Feb 04 2017

       Would the inverse quantification be how good the larks are?
wjt, Feb 04 2017

       //Troubles hooters//   

       + Bun for pun!
csea, Feb 05 2017

       We have a pair of Teat Owls in the kitchen.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 05 2017

       Some of the really good owls are actually members of a special owl union. Others are members of a more general bird-wide union, and that’s how they get their job done.
Ian Tindale, Feb 28 2018

       What about birdstrike?
normzone, Feb 28 2018

       Unwanted owl feathers are really good for cleansing "down below". These rectal owls are known as b-owls.
DenholmRicshaw, Feb 28 2018

       Would this scale be contested at all by loggers I wonder? If I spot an endangered spotted owl in a tree farm but the owl rated only a 3 by the loggers, would the farm be closed down on its account or left open because it lacks that special spotted owl beauty that only people like show dog breeders understand? If everyone else would give it a perfect 10, clearly there’s a conspiracy in the works...
RayfordSteele, Feb 28 2018

       //We need something we can actually hold up the owl to and mark with a pencil//   

       So, we need a pad of paper. With you so far, so long as you're not expecting much response from the owl, and don't need to hold it up too close.   

       Otherwise, you might get more joy out of a dry-wipe albino lab rat, that you could mark with a whiteboard marker. Just leaflet the Skinner boxes at your local psych lab, asking for volunteers.
pertinax, Feb 28 2018

       Probably best to keep quiet about this very silly idea. If the general public got wind of it you would be subjected to 'owls of derision.
DrBob, Mar 01 2018

       If there were ever another bird strike, where the birds withdraw their labour and go off to a remote island somewhere, it would certainly render a lot of the life we take for granted quite starkly empty. The birds going on strike would certainly have a noticeable effect. No cock rising in the morning. No tits out in the garden. No great bustards among the wood. Owls, when they strike, are totally silent. Very much like orchestras.
Ian Tindale, Mar 01 2018

       I would be saddened by the absence of tits.
normzone, Mar 01 2018

       // No great bustards among the wood. //   

       ... nor ever were. Bustards are inhabitants of open grasslands, not woodland.   

       "Bustards, including floricans and korhaans, are large, terrestrial birds living mainly in dry grassland areas and on the steppes of the Old World."   

8th of 7, Mar 01 2018

       That's what they want you to think!
DrBob, Mar 06 2018

       So, your theory is that although bustards are in reality arboreal, they take care to conceal themselves whenever humans go into woodland, and selectively make appearances in open grassland to create the impression that such areas are their typical habitat ?   

       They are very cunning, then. It begs the question of what their plan is, and what they are trying to achieve by the deception.   

       Are they working alone, or are other avian species involved ? How far does the conspiracy extend ?
8th of 7, Mar 06 2018

       They're in league with the dodos and the passenger pigeons.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 06 2018

       Oh of course ... they faked their own extinctions and now they're all gathered together in some secret hideaway built under a volcano, waiting for their moment ?   

       So Alfred Hitchcock's famous movie was a warning to to humans of the threat ? Nice ...
8th of 7, Mar 06 2018

       Well they are probably huddled down in the Antarctic disguised as those penguins that were suddenly discovered last week in the Danger Islands. Wondering who who put up the sign saying "Welcome to the Danger Islands! Population zero. Beware of pack ice. Max temperature -40C."? Well only a bustard would do something like that, obviously. And why would they need a motive? They are all bustards! What more motivation is required?
DrBob, Mar 06 2018

       Well, in the Bond movies, a bend of psychopathy, greed, resentment and megalomania is the usual motivation of human Supervillains.   

       Obviously the motivation for avians is likely to be different. However, it's clear that parrots are quite willing not merely to cooperate but actually participate in acts of piracy on the high seas; their affinity for pirate captains is well documented.   

       The logical inference is that birds, possibly encouraged by multilingual talking parrots, are looking to take a step up to the next level of organized evil. Since parrots can learn and mimic many sounds, they make ideal intermediaries between diverse species.   

       Parrots. They're plotting against you. Go on, prove us wrong if you can.
8th of 7, Mar 06 2018


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