Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
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Job Titles for Jobless

Virtual Vocations
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The unemployed or the employed with job titles that sound boring, when asked what they do, can now respond with exotic sounding but fake professions. Those on the dole, not looking for work, can report one of the following vocations in order to avoid job offers. Lastly, these phony posts may ultimately lead to the creation of new job sectors causing increased economic growth bringing about world peace and eternal, universal happiness, amen.

Advertisement flyer
Ankle warmer
Ceiling coffer
Circuit breaker
Cowcatcher
Crop duster
Cutlass
Drink chaser
Dust buster
Eye opener
Fender bender
Firecracker
Flapjack
Fly swatter
Goat butter
Horse blinder
Jawbreaker
Napkin holder
Mink muffler
Octopus sucker
Pacemaker
Packet sniffer
Pooper scooper
Screwdriver
Sock drawer
Windbreaker

FarmerJohn, Jun 20 2002

[link]






       I realise I may regret asking this, but, //Mink Muffler//? Do you mean a muffler made of mink, or a person who muffles minks?
salachair, Jun 20 2002
  

       actor
stupop, Jun 20 2002
  

       Organist
beauxeault, Jun 20 2002
  

       Stealth orator
Absent librarian
stupop, Jun 20 2002
  

       bull Worker, gas Burner, infra-red remote Controller, insect Feeler, life size Poster, minute Hand, network Driver, paint Stripper, palm Pilot, phone Carrier, short haired Pointer, whizz Banger
Johnny Mash, Jun 20 2002
  

       Deputy Prime Minister   

       Space Traffic Controller   

       Train Spotter   

       Traffic Cone Herd
8th of 7, Jun 20 2002
  

       is that one job title? <later, "spoilsport">
po, Jun 20 2002
  

       Pasturizer
Comedic Consultant
Keeper of the Fruitcake
Type-O personality
Guide to the Shortsighted (gets a parking permit)
reensure, Jun 20 2002
  

       Dent-ist
[ sctld ], Jun 20 2002
  

       //but fake professions//   

       for someone who calls his elf a farmer, you should know that there are still professional "crop dusters"....saw one of the mini choppers doing the job over some soybeans last year....
runforrestrun, Jun 20 2002
  

       Old one:   

       "Government Artist"   

       (Draws the dole)   

       Runforrestrun: What is this about elf farming ? Is that legal where you live ? I have always wanted an elf since I read the Harry Potter books ...
8th of 7, Jun 20 2002
  

       8-7, do a 'bakery search on elf (52 hits), elves (20 hits), elfs (only 4 hits including this one) ....and bring your elf up to speed....   

       there were more....but bliss keeps deleting her elf....
runforrestrun, Jun 20 2002
  

       Stationary itinerant
stupop, Jun 20 2002
  

       Self-directed charity collector
polartomato, Jun 20 2002
  

       Writer.
Charitable Organization CEO.
Watch out for bliss's elf. He's a nasty bugger.
RayfordSteele, Jun 20 2002
  

       "Freelance Bum."-Riff, creation of Pete Abrams.
nick_n_uit, Jun 20 2002
  

       benchwarmer   

       mobile homemaker
polartomato, Jun 20 2002
  

       Blissmiss: sorry, but I think you're taking the p1ss with that one .....   

       <Groans from assembled multitude. Volley of rotten fruit and vegetables. Exit stage left>
8th of 7, Jun 20 2002
  

       p1ss, now thats one registration plate, I would love.
po, Jun 20 2002
  

       Courtesy of Pen15 license plate co.
polartomato, Jun 20 2002
  

       'Local correspondent for an internationally popular web site' does the trick for me.
DrBob, Jun 20 2002
  

       I cannot believe no one has yet suggested:
halfbaker.
  

       (though of course DrBob gets credit for the same thought, expressed more creatively)
beauxeault, Jun 20 2002
  

       I just did, in a sidewise fashion.
DrBob, Jun 20 2002
  

       Student (shaddapa, my face)
calum, Jun 20 2002
  

       Fridge Poetry Arranger
Lurker
Retired Librarian*
Disabled Volleyball Captain
Associate Conspiracy Theorist
Pineapple Hoarder
Daytime TV Quality Control Analyst
Freelance Private Investigator
Love Girl**
Witch, Good Division, HellRaisers Inc.
White House Intern-In-Exile
Outpatient
  

       * I am in fact a retired librarian, having worked in the same crappy suburban library throughout high school and college (had to pay my own way). I left the job after eight years, to attend grad school.   

       ** Name (and occupation) assigned by my fiance's six-year-old daughter, after she promoted me from the position of "Girlfriend". Nice work if you can get it.
1percent, Jun 20 2002
  

       Nemesis
LoriZ, Jun 21 2002
  

       Atmospheric Recirculation Specialist
waugsqueke, Jun 22 2002
  

       Banana bender   

       Nuclear reactor   

       Helter Skelter
Gwenanda, Jun 22 2002
  

       I'm amazed that no one has mentioned simply:   

       consultant   

       Each of my friends and I have spent time as a "consultant" at some point in the past few years. Sometimes for months on end.
lpicador, Jun 22 2002
  

       corporate whore
yama2, Jun 23 2002
  

       egg timer
yama2, Jun 23 2002
  

       VIPer, strawberry runner, Country digger, saltshaker, space heater, pepper, woodpecker, Big Dipper, scorcher, horsepower, doodad, cuppa, cancer, tearjerker, teabag, mutter, Pisa tower, European soccer, Lord’s Prayer and in another vein: static electrician, e-mailman, couch potato peeler, plastic nurse, high healer
FarmerJohn, Jun 23 2002
  

       I've always wanted to be a sinecurist..
yama2, Jun 23 2002
  

       Self-employed butler
Pillar of Society
stupop, Jun 24 2002
  

       Caretaker
Park attendant
Food taster
Waste disposer
-alx, Jun 24 2002
  

       Tack "QA Specialist" at the end of pretty much anything and you've got a gem:   

       Sidewalk QA Specialist
Want Ads QA Specialist
Weather Forecast QA Specialist
Pigeon Feeding QA Specialist
etc...
MrWrong, Jun 24 2002
  

       cynic.
rbl, Jun 24 2002
  

       rbl
po, Jun 24 2002
  

       mechanical probability analyst/statistician (aka gambler)   

       english major (as the tomato ducks for cover)   

       fermented grain analyst   

       multiple movie screener   

       link detective
polartomato, Jun 24 2002
  

       A minor
Drum Major
[ sctld ], Jun 24 2002
  

       I had a mis-spent summer during college in my own private Idaho during which I was alternately a Cat Driver, a Stick Man, a Pond Monkey, a Choke Setter and a Faller. I've only ever made out one formal resume, but you can be sure that all of these were listed, just for their conversational value. (As it happens, I did get paid for all of the former experiences, but I would have done them for free just for the story rights.)
jurist, Jun 25 2002
  

       Chick Sexer
waugsqueke, Jun 25 2002
  

       Corner, Chatter, Halter, Half sister, Meter, Jabber, Tom Sawyer, Jetliner, Titter, Dicker, Freezer, Render, Primer
FarmerJohn, Jun 25 2002
  

       Mattress tester
claw sharpener
meeting attendant
line follower
pickle beater (where do you think they get those bumps?)

threeoutside, Jun 25 2002
  

       Welfare Systems Analyst
aaronhill, Jun 26 2002
  

       Method Actor
waugsqueke, Jun 26 2002
  

       Cherry Picker
Loud Speaker
Spoiler
sappho, Jun 26 2002
  

       Brazil nut
One for the road
FarmerJohn, Jul 13 2002
  

       Source (as in, "sources say")
Introspector
Carbon Dioxide Production Specialist (works closely with waug's Atmospheric Recirculation team)
hob, Jul 15 2002
  

       Student.
my face your, Jan 11 2003
  

       President
Mr Phase, Oct 05 2005
  

       Master-Baker
Reciprocal Supervisor
Personal Sommelier
Ham Spangling Clam Dangler
List Writer
zen_tom, Oct 05 2005
  

       Halbakery list entropy inspector
coprocephalous, Oct 05 2005
  

       Prolific Father
vedarshi, Oct 05 2005
  

       philosopher
keynesian economist
registered voter
schmendrick, Oct 05 2005
  

       Caloric Conversion Specialist...hmm...tastes great!   

       Furniture Ballast Coordinator...yep, this couch ain't going nowhere!   

       Air Asthetics Analyst...hmm...smells great!   

       Stage 1 Methane Engineer...okay, doesn't smell so great ;)
Chrome, Oct 05 2005
  

       Great set of titles you got there. heh heh snort slap.
bungston, Oct 05 2005
  

       I can't believe nobody has suggested:   

       Master Baiter
Mrlemonjelly, Nov 29 2005
  

       12-inch pianist?
sleeka, Nov 29 2005
  

       I like sock drawer. I can draw socks, if pressed.
XSarenkaX, Aug 18 2006
  

       palm reader   

       lie detector   

       egg beater   

       toll house cookie collector
xandram, Aug 18 2006
  

       Oxygen to Carbon Dioxide converter
Dub, Aug 19 2006
  

       List editor   

       I like to explain gaps in my employment history by explaining that I took time off to establish myself as a porn star.
normzone, Aug 19 2006
  

       English Major
jhomrighaus, Aug 19 2006
  

       Prophylactic test pilot.
Ling, Aug 19 2006
  

       Fund Raiser   

       Accountant for Charitable Causes.   

       Survival Guide   

       Advertisement sign test marketer.   

       Machiavellian Robin Hood.
Zimmy, Aug 20 2006
  

       Drive-thru ATM braille installer.
ConsulFlaminicus, Aug 20 2006
  

       Prince of darkness
benindubai, Aug 20 2006
  

       dongle adjitator
vincent88, Aug 20 2006
  

       Nut Licker   

       Rump Roaster   

       Mango Picker   

       Snake Catcher
proee, Feb 06 2007
  

       Quixtar IBO
quantum_flux, Feb 06 2007
  

       Show a little marxist class, and admit to being Commander in Chief of your local industrial reserve army.
ye_river_xiv, Jan 04 2009
  
      
[annotate]
  


 

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