h a l f b a k e r yI think, therefore I am thinking.
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For those of you who have had the pleasure of looking after lots of small children at one time, this will make a lot of sense. For those who haven't... meh.
Roland checked the safety on his weapon for the umpteenth time, lowered the perspex visor on his vivid yellow helmet, checked his Teflon-impregnated
outer suit was fastened properly and shouldered the door open. The noise was extraordinary; like a thousand pigs evading a pack of hungry wolves.
He chambered the first round, loosing a marshmallow ball from the compressed air weapon, at a toddler quartering away and right. A gratifying THOOMPF! saw the little tyke fly end over end and sprawl in an untidy mess against the padded cupboard opposite.
Selecting automatic fire, Roland sprayed the crowd, knocking them down like ninepins. Giggling kids were lying everywhere. Several of them were already scoffing cotton candy flavoured marshmallows.
As one ran out through the door, toward the playground, Roland flicked the fire selector again, aimed and squeezed. A 16 inch long jelly snake shot from the underslung launcher, taking the child around the ankles and pitching him headlong into a mud puddle.
Roland wearily shouldered the weapon, which he had dubbed The Kidinator, and surveyed the carnage. He rubbed a grimy hand through his stubble, coarse with acrylic paint and Play-Doh.
Sleep break was the best time of the day.
[link]
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Heh. You're gonna want to use sugarless ammo, otherwise you're just making the problem worse. |
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Perhaps the ammunitian could be laced with a mild, non-habit-forming sedative? |
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Sugar doesn't actually do a real lot to kids, contrary to popular belief. |
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Custard grenades ..... [+] |
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Genuine marshmallow with fennel. |
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<Arnold Schwarzenegger voice> I am a big believer in education, because when I grew up in Austr[al]ia - when I grew up in Austr[al]ia I had a great education. I had great teachers. </asv> <thoompf-thoompf-thoompf> |
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I also believe Hurricanes should be renamed Little (or L'il) <hurricane_name> - ey. And re-categorised to reflect a hypothetical number of unattended children. e.g Hurricane "Little Ikey" Category 7-unattended-children, or Hurricane L'il Katey Category 11-unattended-children. We all know that x-unattended children is a logarithmic scale. This might go a long way to informing people of the total impending destructive force. |
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//Nice reaction, [MB].// Well, I meant "OK,
nice idea". But to be honest, I think I
preferred you when you were grumpy and
cynical. You've been on the Werther's
again, haven't you? |
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[MB], you must be refering to the ornery halfbaker idea. |
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I'm still grumpy and cynical. Today I tore [Zillon] a new arsehole, thought better of it, deleted the anno and blocked the little cunt... err, prick... and got on with my grumpy, cynical life. |
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For a grumpy and cynical halfbaker, this is
an awfully fluffy idea. Still, we all have our
good days... |
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Shooting preschoolers with non-lethal riot control ordnance is "fluffy"? Which ******* planet are you on, at the moment? |
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//non-lethal riot control ordnance is
"fluffy"// I think you've answered your
own question there. |
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One of the weapons our local SERT (aka SWAT) officers use for "non-lethal" control is a shotgun round loaded with a small bag full of styrofoam bean bag pellets. At close quarters they hit hard enough to knock a grown man down. |
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Similarly, "Rubber bullets" (now actually plastic bullets) are what was once termed non-lethal, now less-lethal ordnance. They've "only" killed 17 people in Northern Ireland sine use began in 1969. |
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I guess "fluffy" is just a matter of degree? |
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[4whom]'s anno describing tropical storms by referring to X unattended children reminds me of the old Farmall Cub advertisement: |
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..."and to prove its sturdiness, the Cub has been exhaustively tested by BOYS, recognized everywhere as the world's most destructive force." |
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The term you're seeking is "low lethality" |
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// They've "only" killed 17 people in Northern Ireland
sine use began in 1969. // |
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Only because the Royal Marines took to prying the plastic projectile out of 38mm ARWEN baton rounds, and stuffing "D" cells in them instead ......on a bad day, they would "top up" the charge with the propellant from a 7.62 round. |
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Upsetting Royal Marines is a seriously stupid and life-limiting activity. |
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Same as it ever was... the Australian and British troops in France in WWI took to reversing the projectiles in rifle rounds. They were then able to penetrate German sniper shields with what became a "shaped" round. The lead core carried on, leaving the jacket behind. |
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