h a l f b a k e r yTrying to contain nuts.
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Start with the biggest ostrich feather you can find. The advantage of ostrich (over, say, peacock) is that the ostrich feather curls over at the end enough to conceal one or two rubber mallet-heads from a casual glance.
To forestall catastrophic failure of the calamus, draw from your collection
the lightest and springiest of all those aerospace-grade carbon fibre fishing rods that you never use anyway, and butcher it on a worktop.
Bond the rubber mallet-head to the length of springy rod.
Bond the length of springy rod to the inner curve of that big ostrich feather, so that the fringe at the end covers the rubber.
Keep it casually to hand until someone says "Well, knock me down with a feather!", then do so.
(?) May I have that, Madame?
http://www.burlesqu...lamourwhitefans.jpg
No, just the feather, thank you. [pertinax, Oct 02 2009]
Rod with mullet-head
http://3.bp.blogspo..._Stewart_casual.jpg
[pertinax, Oct 02 2009]
[link]
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Fashion the rib of the feather from depleted uranium, for a similar effect? |
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I thought of that, but what we're after here is a pantomime prat-fall, not hospitalisation. I fully expect [8th] to customise his by embedding glass shards in the rubber, but I'm not going to give him any encouragement. |
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Why a rubber mallet-head? Steel sounds more effective to me... |
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A rubber mallet will give you more than a pantomime effect. I saw my father hit in the face with one, when the head flew off while he was trying to separate a light truck tyre from a wheel rim. |
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14 stitches from nose to cheekbone and a concussion that laid him down for 48 hours. |
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Obviously it's very important to aim squarely for the chin. |
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... or maybe the occipital bone. That might work. |
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There's the risk that the chain of events becomes a little
too short and not quite convoluted enough to be
entertaining - such as a feather that breaks an infrared
beam which triggers the immediate descent of a
sideways-oriented lorry carrying a grand piano, flattening
the person saying "feath…" within 30ms as a sizeable
trickle of blood emerges. Too effective and yet
strangely not particularly amusing. |
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//well knock me down with a feather// |
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Have you ever actually heard someone say that? (Neutral) |
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same thing could be applied to "...wet noodle!" as well, although it would need to be a very large noodle. |
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My grandmother used to say it a lot, until she was tragically killed by a mattress that fell out of a removalist's van on the freeway. |
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What happened to the bloke who was with her on the mattress at the time ? |
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