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Law Firm Funded Research

Sad people meet Frustrated people
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The great thing about lawyers is that most of them have existential issues. This is because their job is a zero sum game and adverserial by nature. And if they seem like dicks it's because, if your lawyer doesn't think he's the smartest guy in the room, than you have a crappy lawyer. So they only talk about the pro bono stuff at parties because they want people to like them. Also their job is really boring so at least they get paid well.

The great thing about scientists is they are always broke. There can never be too much money thrown at a scientist and often times, money is exactly correlated with the success of their research because they can ask better questions with better equipment. Smart, well meaning people can go years without funding or progress in their research forced to teach worse and worse classes.

Lawyers donate tons of money and services each year to assuage their existential angst. Scientists combat existential angst with new facts and discoveries but need money.

[Scene-Lawyer comes home from work]

Lawyer: "Honey, the scientists we sponsored just discovered that the g-protein coupled receptor that induces calcium-induced calcium release in cardiomyocytes is... (reads paper).. being affected by a ...(reads more)..PREEE-ON."

Wife: "What?"

Lawyer:"At least I'm not an asshole and am making a difference in the world."

[Scene-Scientist late at the lab]

Scientist to graduate student:"Had to convince those asshole lawyers to give us more money, today...(looks down)....mmm yeah, right there.

leinypoo13, Sep 08 2012

Could be a cancer drug http://www.nytimes...._r=1&pagewanted=all
but you can't patent it [4and20, Sep 08 2012]

Charles Stross, in the Lobsters story.... http://en.wikipedia...lerando_%28novel%29
[not_morrison_rm, Sep 10 2012]

[link]






       Wasn't quite convinced that scientists go begging, until reminded of [link]   

       "Since DCA is not a novel compound, it cannot be patented, making it unlikely a pharmaceutical company would pay for clinical trials."
4and20, Sep 08 2012
  

       isn't there a danger, once scientists actually become aware of a world outside the lab, the pub, the security guard who calls about the suspiciously beeping box he found in the lab and so on, that they may become interested in this 'Law' business. It would be terribly unfortunate if a promising young post-doc wrote a script that automated the whole 'law' process...? Wouldn't be the first time a dangerously curious person made the source of their funding irrelevant.
bs0u0155, Sep 08 2012
  

       I know, can you imagine the creators also driving the process. The world might explode. Ironically, most lawyers I know are very creative, more so than scientists sometimes. But the law has very little room for "good" creativity. I wish 30% of lawyers would moonlight in a lab or engineering, economic growth would skyrocket.   

       GPS+ XML law will create a physicians assistant type position for law in the very near future and people general knowledge will increase due to law based guis. i think Probably six years before the law profession starts to sweat.
leinypoo13, Sep 08 2012
  

       Charles Stross.. the 'hero' develops software to automatically spawn and dissolve companies in order to stay ahead of court actions.   

       Also, me. A perpetual updated reverse contract, does as a cron job every one thousandth of a second, between two parties, the second party's continuation to contact or do business with the first party (i.e. me) being taken as their acceptance of the terms and conditions of the new contract and that this supersedes any previous contracts between them.   

       Used to exist as a way to try and extract money from junkmailers, who keep posting you crap. existed as junkmailnomore.org. No one interested. Gave up. Next!
not_morrison_rm, Sep 10 2012
  

       Another idea about lawyers? Ok, but everyone behave, before I have to go kill another Puss Puss.
theleopard, Sep 10 2012
  

       //but everyone behave, before I have to go kill another Puss Puss.   

       Replies in the manner of a Dweller, when the bad guy is running the machine that tosses people out an airlock (sans spacesuit) "I hope you have enough Puss Pusses"...   

       incidentally, I don't recollect Keyser Söze shooting his own cat, a glaring oversight...
not_morrison_rm, Sep 10 2012
  

       The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world his cat didn't exist.
theleopard, Sep 10 2012
  

       Is Lawyer-Trolling Week in here or what?   

       //The great thing about lawyers is that most of them have existential issues.//
The proportion of lawyers with existential issues is, I would hazard, no greater than the general proportion of the population with existential issues. The difference is perhaps that lawyers tend to be keen on reading and on talking, so they know Camus and are prone to boring people.
  

       //This is because their job is a zero sum game and adverserial by nature.//
This is true but only for a small subset of lawyers.
  

       //And if they seem like dicks it's because, if your lawyer doesn't think he's the smartest guy in the room, than you have a crappy lawyer.//
Moronic, obdurate lawyers can often be as effective as the intellectually nimble sort. You negotiate according to your strengths.
  

       //So they only talk about the pro bono stuff at parties because they want people to like them.//
The only reason that they talk about pro bono stuff is because for a lawyer, talking casually about your clients and the work you do for them is professional misconduct. Pro bono clients will often waive their right not to be talked about (in the general sense) as a way of ensuring that hey get the free legal advice.
  

       //Also their job is really boring//
This is true.
  

       //so at least they get paid well.//
This is not true.
calum, Sep 10 2012
  

       Add salesmen and purchasing agents and something to sell and you could call it a corporation.
RayfordSteele, Sep 10 2012
  

       //Used to exist as a way to try and extract money from junkmailers, who keep posting you crap. existed as junkmailnomore.org. No one interested. Gave up. Next!   

       That's really funny. How did it work? was this spam prevention or regular mail?   

       //The proportion of lawyers with existential issues is, I would hazard, no greater than the general proportion of the population with existential issues.   

       Projection most likely then.
leinypoo13, Sep 10 2012
  
      
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