h a l f b a k e r yA few slices short of a loaf.
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Thousands of years hence there will be a great discovery, of the Halfbakery Chronicles... a massive complex of caverns in the Taren Kowt region of Afghanistan, filled with thousand upon thousand of stone tablets, LASER-engraved with descriptions of the apparent pinnacle of technology of the early 21st
century. Many of the inventions of this strange religious order of fanatics have come to pass and underpin the societies of the 5th millennium.
None of the tablets have any comments on them, unlike some of the remaining digital fragments of the halfbakery, merely the name of the invention and a short description of it.
Each stone tablet is of uniform size, barring those containing ideas by the user [Vernon], a minor god of technology. All of his ideas run to extra tablets, some to and entire roomful, as senility and prolix gained a foothold in his brain in the later years.
All of the minor gods of the halfbakery apparently paid tribute and made obeisance to the major goddess of the order, [jutta].
Other demigods include:
[eighth of seven], god of gentlemanly destruction;
[AfroAssault], god of ungentlemanly destruction;
[hippo], god of wondrous mirth;
[po], goddess of Teletubbies and
[bristolz], goddess of joy.
Cat Ejection Pack
Cat_20Ejection_20Pack
Another marvel of BorgCo technological innovation [8th of 7, Oct 16 2008]
UnaBubbian_20Calendar
[hippo, Oct 17 2008]
13_20month_20calendar2
[hippo, Oct 17 2008]
[link]
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Will the cave be protected by huge rolling stone balls, pits full of spikes and/or venomous snakes, and amazingly durable self-resetting spring loaded spear devices ? |
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And there must be clues, clues for those to come .... a mysterious amulet, made of Unobtainium, which, when held up to the Full Moon in the right location casts a shadow of a cat being fired through a house roof by a zero-zero ejection system ..... the cave is wherever the cat would land ..... if the parachute failed to open .... |
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Flattened balls don't roll so well. S yes, they'll have to be round and made of stone to prevent flattening. BTW, I LOVE the illo [bris] did for the Cat Ejection Pack. |
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The amulet is an ark-sized bar of chocolate, sitting in a suburban park. X-ray it and the final clue will be found. |
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//cave is wherever the cat would land ..... if the parachute failed to open ....//
You forgot the toast. <mutters>some people just don't get it, jeez. </m> |
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And the staple gun, to affix the toast securely to the cat. |
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Why not just stick the toast to the cat with butter .... ? |
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Make sure you get a good deal on the film rights - IndyBubba Jones and the Ark of the Croissants could be the big hit next summer..... |
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Hah! It may come to that. I've begun writing again. Time is a little more available since I sold out of a business that had me travelling a lot. |
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Future archaeologists will expend much time, money and research effort wondering why large sections of urban areas were devoted to apparently building launching sites for floating refuges devoted to species of fish related to goldfish, only bigger. |
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Can I be God of something please? God of the Bones would be acceptable... |
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Hey, future civilisation, for whom the Halbakery tablets are your Holy Book and the word of God, are you listening? Right, well - sorry about the contradictions, but they're the mark of any genuine holy book - you've probably decided between the Unabubbian Calendar (link) and the 13 Month Calendar (link) by now. Oh, and don't worry if your finest theology scholars can't understand anything written by the prophet [Ian Tindale]. Just a few commandments for you:
1. Thou shalt not call for a list. |
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How about Accolyte of Average Ideas? |
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How very average. You're hired. |
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I wasn't being mean. I was being magnanimous... on a budget... |
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Excavations could continue for some time deep within an enormous pit where countless fragments of what were apparantly once intact square tablets that seem to have been forced through the round hole in a carbon-fiber plate inscribed with [M-F-D]. |
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Speculation is rampant in academic circles that MFD is a central figure in religious rights of the Chroniclers, a role other dieties have served. |
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But meanwhile, the mystery perpetuates as to why they devoted so much expensive territory to hosting what appears to be arks, for carp? |
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