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Since everyone has learned to ignore internal memos and it's beginning to appear as though we'll even ignore flags, on emails, I propose we use pigeons.
1. This gets the disgusting bloody things off the streets and into gainful employment
2. Much harder to ignore than a flag sitting on your
desk, or another eMail in your Inbox. A trained pigeon doing a mating ritual dance in the middle of your desk until you relieve it of its message and feed it will ensure memos are read.
3. No more need for Muzak. Pigeon song will take its place.
4. Don't worry anymore about spilling cake crumbs or little bits of sandwich filling on your office floor. The pigeons will clean up for you.
5. People will become much calmer as they begin to develop friendships with their favourite pigeons.
People, all I can see here is upside.
p-mail
http://news.bbc.co....1321000/1321176.stm
Baked. "...transfer rate equivalent to about 0.15bps..." [hippo, Jun 14 2001, last modified Oct 21 2004]
Uberhomingpigeon
http://www.halfbake...ea/Uberhomingpigeon
Maybe we need a "Public: Avian Communication Technologies" section [hippo, Jun 14 2001, last modified Oct 17 2004]
Cubicle Barbecue
http://www.halfbake.../Cubicle_20Barbecue
As requested by waugsqueke ... [Aristotle, Jun 14 2001, last modified Oct 17 2004]
Pigeon Litter Patrol
http://www.halfbake...n_20litter_20patrol
God bless 'em [etherman, Dec 01 2004]
[link]
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Downside: Pigeon crap. Still, croissant for you! |
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I often forget my lunch, and don't really feel like going
out in the middle of the day to find something to eat. I
like this idea. |
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Other pigeon downsides: shed feathers, enhanced allergies, maybe a plague of bird lice...but you can pop a few in the microwave if you forget your lunch, and sneak some office birds home to entertain your cats with. |
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Best use for pigeons? Landfill. Loathsome creatures. Noisy, smelly, ugly, plague-infected, annoying, also did I mention smelly and loathsome. Eeeeww! Sorry, [UnaB], fishbone. |
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Killjoys. I can see 'important' people swatting hapless pigeons with 4" lever arch folders when the aforementioned flying rat won't voluntarily vacate the ornithophobe's desk. |
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I am also personally thrilled with the concept of a pigeon doing a mating dance in the middle of your desk to get your attention. |
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Furthermore an employee equiped with just a bow and a cubicle barbeque set could arrange himself a tasty midday meal. |
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The problem is that homing pigeons can only home in on their home (clever use of the English language there). They can't fly to arbitrary locations. If they are used for communication, you have to carry them in a box and then release them to fly back. If you fancy carrying pigeons from desk to desk, go for it, but you'd be as well to use something more cuddly like a kitten or a pet squirrel that would be more likely to get a response. |
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Use a pneumatic tube system to return them to where they'll be useful. |
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This is great UB. I think pigeons need to be reclaimed as useful cratures, as pointed out in my 'pigeon litter patrol' <liknky>. The little buggers could tidy up the office too. |
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"Jones, I'd like you to meet your new secretary. Her name is Tippi, Tippi Hedren. Tippi, Jones here will show you how the office memo system works. You'll like it, I think, it's quite unique." |
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Perhaps the buildings air ducts could be addapted for pigeon travel. With pigeon flaps *please excuse pun* on the vents. |
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Plus big fuck off seagulls for delivery of parcels and work experience students. |
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I guess you could train storks, to work in hospitals. However, some of them are carrion eaters, which could get nasty. |
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