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Mice are a pest, according to most of us. In reality, one mouse is only a minor pest.
For instance, an aunt of mine who is starting to get a bit vague at age 92, has recently been very skittish about allowing other people into her room. It transpired that she had been harbouring a mouse under
her bed, bringing it little snacks and things.
Anyway, back on track: For all that we are usually pretty keen to expel them from our homes. Of course, this usually involves dastardly injury to the mouse, and a small carcasse to dispose of, after the execution has been carried out.
Fear no longer of having to be so cruel. Here at UB Lookin' At The Future we have perfected a humane mouse removal device.
It consists of an irresistible bait, a tiny trebuchet, a funnel, a template and a saw.
"A saw?" you ask. Sure, to cut a hole in your wall, high up near the cornice. You measure the height up the wall, and across the floor, using the template and a string. You insert the funnel in the hole, with the spout sticking out through the wall.
Then you set the trap up on the spot on the floor and wait... The mouse creeps across the floor, and takes the bait; The trebuchet swings into action {SPPRROOIIiiinnnnggg...}, launching the mouse at great speed across the room {WHHHEEEEEeeee...}, into the funnel {FFWWOOOMMMpppp...}; through the funnel and {POP!}out into the wide world.
PS Not recommended for dwellers above two storeys, unless you hate mice.
Big trebuchets, in use.
http://www.fortheloveof.com.au
You'll have to burrow through a couple of popups. It's an advert. [UnaBubba, Feb 19 2006]
A catapult/trebuchet kind of thing, built from a mousetrap
http://www.funtraps...on/kit_eggapult.asp
[hippo, Feb 19 2006]
[link]
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This is a self-calibrating trebuchet to account for variations in the weight of mice, of course? |
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Looks like you've built a better mousetrap. |
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You're not confusing 'better' with 'more
entertaining' are you? |
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In the same way that every weekend night the world over, groups of young men in any given pub confuse 'nice' with 'visible', when referring to women's breasts? |
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[Bun} - (Sorry, something's been nibbling at it a bit.) |
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Is it true that the film 'Batman' didn't do overly well in Germany because the title translates as 'Small fluttering mouse man'? |
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I guess the subtitle "Caped Crusader" didn't go down too well in the Muslim world either. |
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That's why I added the funnel, [hippo]. I couldn't be certain a slightly heavier mouse wouldn't end up as mousse, on the wall. |
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Right - I missed the funnel on first read. |
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I wonder how far you'd have to fling them
to stop then coming back (for reasons of
being lost rather than dead). |
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(possible urban myth: A mouse can survive
ground impact at its terminal velocity.) |
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(possible rural myth: A mouse can find its
way back to your house unless you take it
more than 2 or so miles away.) |
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st3f - it's true - a mouse can easily find it's way back. |
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All mice in fact originate in the Sargasso Sea and must
swim home once in their lifetime to breed, regardless of
the obstacles. Further more, if it has been dispatched
using this, it brings 50,000 of its pals to your house to try
it out, then they also come back each year with their
pals...... |
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I think the best you can hope for [UB] is that the people who beat a path to your door whack a few cane toads on their way. [+] |
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I've found that a 3-iron is far more effective, for cane toads. |
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Mice are tiny and none too sturdy. Wouldn't this kill them? Or at least break a few bones? Sounds cruel still. Safe, not-as-cruel glue traps work just fine for my mother. Then again, if you believe in survival of the fittest, get a cat. |
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How do you get the glue off your mother afterwards? |
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I thought this would be a special trebuchet designed to destroy mice who have holed themselves up in a tiny keep. |
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Nothing so exotic, [nmf]. I am waiting to hear how [21Q] gets the glue off his Mum. |
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//Then again, if you believe in survival of the fittest, get a cat// No, no, no. This would simply start an evolutionary arms-race, with the offspring of the mice who survive evolving into faster, fitter smarter super-mice, capable of outrunning cats and probably building people trebuchets. |
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UnaBubba, - probably just asks her: 'Can I have the glue, mum?' |
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Yeah, you're probably right. Or holds a gun to her head. |
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never mind the funnel... i'll take one that fires through an open window onto a large target painted on the ground below. bun. |
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I thought of that. However, if it catches a mouse while the window's closed... |
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Add a remote control that opens the window before the trebuchet launches the mouse. |
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"Officer, we've been robbed!"
"I see. Do you have a UB Remote Mouse Trebuchet in your home?"
"Yes, how did you know that?"
"Oh, there's a new criminal gang operating here, called The Mouse Bandits. They have a trained mouse named Rastus, who's trained to set off the trebuchet. When the window opens they simply catch it before it closes and clean you out. It's been happening a lot, in Toronto, Vancouver, Montreal, Ottawa..."
"Ohhhh... I see... " |
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It's a small mouse so the remote only needs to open a small window, of course. Something along the lines of a UB Remote Mouse Trebuchet Disposal Window. The only time you'd need the whole window open is if the cat climbed onto the trebuchet.
Or maybe your mother-in-law, too. |
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I ain't goin' near that Mother-in-law Trebuchet... Uh-uh... no way... |
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Eeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaooooooook! |
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It's a good idea, but I think you should give the mice parachutes first. |
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So the way to proceed is:
1. capture all mice in the neighborhood.
2. Strap them into quality parachutes.
3. Release mice.
4. Trebuchet-them-into the world, in which they gently land with their parachute. |
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PS: I work the for the International Society for the Humane Treatment of Trapped Animals. |
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Does this society manufacture the mouse-sized safety gear you mentioned? I shall take six gross. Do not ask why. |
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[nmf], when you and your charges are out hiking, with your climbing boots and helmets, remember to keep an eye out above, for the "Eagle Scouts". |
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The problem is, my mice enjoy sharing my crumbs and heating system, and are likely to find their way back into the house. Perhaps we can fit them with tiny electric-fence collars along with the parachutes? |
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The glue comes off with soap and water and vigourous scrubbing, like any glue. However, you're not supposed to touch the glue. You grab it by the string hanging attached to the side. |
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You realise that the mice will begin to evolve skinflaps enabling them to glide? There will be flying mice, then the rats will learn the trick and we are all doomed. |
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Wow, how did I miss this? (Sees Dustin sitting under the
front door, licking his kitty lips, eyes to the sky, awaiting
the next flying delicacy.) |
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Yes, the funnel is crucial. Without that you would lose
one of the sound effects that for me, made the idea a
wonderful read! |
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//You realise that the mice will begin to evolve skinflaps enabling them to glide?// I'm not sure I like that idea any more than [skinflaps] would. Or the mice. |
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If the machine fitted the mice with a radio fence collar (for dogs, albeit small dogs) so just as long as the mouse gets fired past the fence your set
Or
Have the trebuchet lob the mouse into a cannon and fire em out the Chimney
Or
Fire em' onto a canvas to sell as insider art. |
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//There will be flying mice, then the rats will learn the trick and we are all doomed.// Baked, in the form of pigeons. |
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Mice can find their way back home from a very large mouse-distance. I had mice in my house, and started catching them with a humane trap and releasing them about 1/4mile from my house. After I had caught 20 mice, I figured they must be returning, so started releasing them at work (10 miles from home). I only caught 5 more after that. |
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They now run the finance dept..... |
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